Going Under
by dublin writer
Summary: A normal working day takes a turn for the worst for Steve and Mike as Steve ends up having to attempt an underwater rescue. This story deals with the after effect the trauma has on Steve. I want to thank all those who read and reviewed my previous story and I hope you will enjoy this one too. Disclaimer: The characters of the SOSF belong to their creators. I merely borrow them.
1. Chapter 1

**Going Under**

**A/N: This is just a story I wrote as the idea presented itself to me. I did research this story as best I could. It is a stand alone story completely borne out of my vivid imagination. I do hope you enjoy it.  
**

Chapter 1 :

Mike and Steve watched in horror as the young police officer discharged his weapon at the speeding taxi heading towards him as they chased it towards the docks.

"What does he think he's doing? There's a woman and child in the back of that car!" Mike thundered and Steve glanced over at his partner briefly and saw his temper flared.

It had all started off as a normal days work. While on their way back from a crime scene a call had come over the radio. There had been an armed robbery at a jewellery store on Geary Boulevard. Two police officers had been in pursuit of the perp on foot but things had taken a turn for the worst when the armed robber had hijacked a taxi, pulling the driver from the vehicle at gunpoint and took off at high-speed with an innocent woman and her young daughter in the back. When Steve and Mike received the call the taxi was being pursued and all vehicles in the vicinity were requested to help out.

Mike had immediately got on the radio and alerted all vehicles to pursue with caution due to the fact that hostages were now involved and also issued a strict "no fire" order until further orders were given. Then placing the flashing light up on the roof Steve had pulled out of the traffic and set off weaving through the oncoming traffic and down the connecting streets towards the last sighting of the taxi.

A police car that had managed to get directly behind the taxi had gotten side swiped as it came through a red light junction and lost sight of the taxi but having given the license plate over the radio and the direction the car was heading in, Steve's excellent driving skills meant that he had managed to take two shortcuts and had come out right behind the target vehicle two blocks away and approaching the docks. While Mike had held on to the dashboard tightly as Steve had careered up alleyways and side streets in his determined desire to catch up with the fleeing taxi, Mike marvelled at how Steve had managed such a feat and beamed proudly over at his partner who never took his eyes off the chase.

"That's some driving buddy boy! I'm impressed! Just don't spook him too much now. Just stay with him. I reckon he's trying to head for the Golden gate" and getting on the radio again he requested for a blockade to be set up accordingly.

Mike and Steve could both see the terrified faces of the woman and child through the back window of the taxi from their vantage point as the woman seemed to look pleadingly at them almost silently begging them to save them. Mike and Steve exchanged a concerned look between them as they saw the little girl crying hysterically in the arms of her mother. She only looked around six or seven years old Steve reckoned.

"Mike, how are we going to play this?" Steve asked not taking his eyes off the road but Mike could hear the anxiety in his voice.

"Carefully, buddy boy. Very carefully! We don't know yet what this guy is capable of. We do know though that he's armed. Our first priority is to get those hostages out safe and sound. I don't want civilian casualties on this one!" Mike answered with distinct worry in his voice.

However things had gotten worse as they had entered the docks area. A black and white had gotten ahead of the chase and blocked the road as a young rookie officer discharged his weapon at the driver. As Mike fumed at his flagrant breach of a given command the officer to everyone's horror fired a second time and before their eyes they saw the driver slump over and the yellow taxi drove straight off the side of the dock and landed in the sea! Steve slammed on the brakes in shock, jumped out of the car and raced to the edge in time to see the front end of the taxi submerged and the back-end sinking fast. The terrified faces of the woman and child were visible in the back window. Steve's heart almost stopped and without a second thought he knew what he had to do. Mike had joined him and arrived to see the last of the car fully submerge.

"Dear God!" Mike gasped.

"MIKE! Get me a crowbar from the boot! Hurry! That car is going to fill up fast. We don't have long to save them!" Steve exclaimed as he quickly discarded his jacket, his gun, the items from his belt and his shoes.

As Mike raced back to him with the crowbar in his hand he began to worry about the enormous and dangerous task his partner was about to undertake. Handing him the tool he placed a hand on Steve's shoulder.

"Be careful down there buddy boy. You hear me? Oh and give me your watch this time!"

Steve removed his watch and handed it quickly to the older man and although he smiled at the older man Mike could see how uneasy he was.

"I will. Wish me luck!" and without further conversation Steve turned and dived straight in and swam to where the car went down. Mike watched helplessly as his young partner took a large deep breath and dived under. Other police cars arrived and Mike barked out orders for paramedics to be on standby and for the police marine unit and dive team to be called although everyone knew at the scene that the lives of the woman and child were most likely firmly in the hands of the young detective as the next ten minutes would be crucial to their survival. Mike next shouted for someone to find a rope and as one young police officer brought it to him he carefully unravelled it ready to throw it to Steve when needed.

Another car then pulled up and Lee Lessing and Norm Haseejian got out and raced towards Mike. Lee reached Mike first and he spoke worriedly.

"We heard what happened over the radio and we were nearby. Is Steve down there?"

Mike was almost in a trance staring at the sea almost willing Steve to surface, deep concern etched on his face.

Lee placed a supportive hand on his shoulder and spoke again.

"Mike? Is Steve down there?"

This time Mike looked at him and swallowing hard he answered shakily.

"Yes. He should be back up soon. He's a strong swimmer but I don't know how long he can hold his breath for. That car sank like a stone!" and without further conversation Mike resumed his search of the sea surface.

"I'm going to help him!" Lee stated worried about his colleague and good friend and started to remove his shoes however Mike reached out a hand and stopped him from continuing.

"NO! Not yet! It's bad enough I have one detective risking his life. I don't need two. Hold on until we see if he needs help. If he doesn't resurface or he calls for help you can go in. Ok?"

Lee nodded and the two men exchanged a look of mutual worry and concern for the young man they cared about. Just then Haseejian let out a shout and brought their attention back to the task at hand.

"THERE HE IS !"

Everyone gathered on the dockside looked at where Haseejian was pointing and saw Steve resurface briefly and take a few more deep mouthfuls of air before diving again.

"WHERE IS THAT DIVE TEAM?" Mike roared to no-one in particular and Norm immediately snapped to it and racing back to his car he called back to the Lieutenant.

"I'll go check their ETA."

Mike and Lee exchanged another worried glance briefly and then still with a hand on the older man's shoulder he spoke reassuringly.

"Well I guess that answers your question. He sure can hold his breath down there longer than I ever could! "

However despite Lee trying to keep Mike in a positive frame of mind about the situation just then a dock worker arrived behind Mike.

"He shouldn't stay down there too long! The bay water is pretty cold this time of year. It's also pretty murky down there. He's going to find it tough to see what he's doing."

Lee almost scowled at the dock worker as he saw Mike's expression change at the man's words. Looking terrified momentarily at Lee, Mike then turned in the direction of Haseejian's police car.

"Norm! Any word?"

Norm's bulky form emerged from the car door and shouted back.

"ETA ten minutes Mike!"

Lee studied Mike and could almost see the toll the worry and tension was taking on the older man. He saw Mike's lips move silently and in that instant realized that Mike was praying for the safe return of the young man he regarded as a son and the two innocent victims. A lump rose in Lee's throat and he started removing his jacket and gun holster so as to be ready to assist if and when he was needed. Lee was an ok swimmer but not as strong a swimmer as Steve. He wasn't sure how much help he would be if called upon but the bond of friendship was strong enough between himself and Steve that if the need arose he would help Steve anyway he could.

Seconds turned into minutes and still Steve hadn't resurfaced for the second time. The minutes felt like hours to Mike as dread started to wrap itself around Mike's heart almost constricting his breathing. For the first time in a long time Mike felt panic grip him as he realized that being in charge here at the scene meant every other officer was waiting for his next command but all he could think of was his partner risking his young life somewhere down below in the cold seawater, fighting to save a woman and child and with the dive team not at the scene yet, he couldn't think of what command he should give next!


	2. Chapter 2

**Going Under**

Chapter 2

As Steve dived from the dock and hit the cold seawater his whole body almost recoiled in shock and as he resurfaced he sucked in a deep breath as his lungs protested against the cold water he was treading. However as he started swimming towards where the car went down his body gradually adjusted to the water temperature. As he approached the rippling foam where the car had sunk the sucking current almost pulled him under but swimming slightly outside its pull he took a large deep breath and dived beneath the surface. The water was green and murky and so visibility was not great but the bright colour of the taxi helped a little and so Steve caught sight of the back of the car as it plunged downwards and so he swam down following it.

As the car plunged, Steve swam beside it and could hear the screams coming from the inside of the car. Arriving at the side window at the back of the car Steve could see the car filling up from below and pulled as hard as he could at the door handle but there was no give. Swimming to the passenger window at the front he attempted to kick it in but again it wouldn't give. His lungs were starting to burn as his air was running out from the exertion he was using to try to access the vehicle and the length of time he was under. He tried to gesture to the hysterical woman in the back to wind down the back window to allow the water in quicker and there by equalize the water pressure so he could open the door but she was too panicked and wasn't paying attention. Steve knew he needed more air and fast so he had to abandon his rescue temporarily and quickly headed back up to the surface. Breaking through he gratefully breathed more air back into his tortured lungs and having refilled his lungs he dived back down as fast as he could swim.

By the time he reached the car the second time the water was almost up to the top and the woman and the girl were barely keeping their heads above the water. Steve used the crowbar to smash the passenger window at the front and as the water rushed through he quickly reached in and opened the door. Reaching inside he heard the woman tell the little girl to take a deep breath and as the car filled completely he grabbed the woman's hand and guided her out the open door grateful that she was holding the little girl and pulling her along with her. Having gotten the two out of the car safely he turned to take them to the surface when without warning he felt a hand pull at his leg!

The driver was holding on to him and was reaching for a gun on the seat beside him. Steve quickly turned and gestured for the woman to start swimming upwards. Although blood was pouring from the driver's chest where he had obviously been struck by the officer earlier and his chances of survival even if he was taken to the surface looked slim to Steve considering the extent of the damage he could visibly see, the man seemed to be taking great sadistic pleasure in ensuring that he took one of SFPD's finest with him to his watery grave. The sudden pull on his leg had caught Steve off guard and he wasn't sure if the gun would discharge correctly under the water but he wasn't prepared to take the chance and he knew his life and those of the mother and child depended upon his next action so without a thought and using the last bit of energy he had left he kicked out hitting the driver squarely in the chest and as he felt the hold on him release he rapidly headed for the surface.

As he ascended he found to his horror the woman struggling to bring her daughter up as she had panicked and was fighting her mother in terror. Grabbing both of them he dragged them upwards with him. His lungs were on fire and he knew he was in trouble. He had held his breath for too long and was struggling as bubbles started to pour from his nose and mouth. As he could see the morning sunshine break through the surface he knew they were close to the top but shortly before they broke the surface he swallowed a good bit of seawater and when the three emerged Steve coughed and spluttered while he desperately held the woman and the girl above the water.

As Steve and the woman and child surfaced, shouts erupted from the dock. Mike and all those standing on the quayside saw immediately that all was not well but before he had a chance to give another command Lee and two other uniformed police officers had jumped in and were already swimming towards them. Mike threw out a rope and Haseejian threw out another and as the three men reached them one police officer tied one around the lady and the other tied one around the child and they both proceeded to bring them back to the safety of the dock.

As Steve felt the woman and child being helped by more rescuers and still gagging on swallowed seawater and suddenly feeling exhausted and cold he felt his strength leave him and he slipped under again momentarily only to be dragged back up by the strong steady hand of Lee Lessing who had appeared at his side.

"Oh, no you don't!" the young man chastised as a third rope landed in the water beside them and grabbing it he tied it around Steve's waist.

Then concerned by the fatigue and discomfort of his friend he pulled him until he was floating on his back and keeping him above the water he swam along beside him as he was pulled back to the quayside. Mike had seen Steve surface with the woman and child and breathed a sigh of relief but his relief had been short-lived as he saw Steve struggling for breath and the child not moving while her mother cried. He admired how fast people had joined in the rescue and was relieved at how quickly they seemed to be pulling them to safety. He was pulling the child along with two others and Haseejian was helping pull the lady back. Three others were pulling Steve back to safety.

The paramedics were at the ready and the area had been cleared back to allow them room to work if necessary. Blankets had been laid out and more blankets were at the ready. The child was pulled to safety first and everyone on the dockside was horrified to see that she was unresponsive. Immediately the paramedics started their attempts to revive her. The mother came up the ladder next but refused to be attended to as she sobbed hysterically at the sight of her poor daughter. Another medic wrapped her in blankets and allowed her to stay close to the little girl while he checked her vital signs. Knowing that the two civilians were in the very capable hands of the medics, Mike quickly raced over to the ladder to check on his young partner.

As they got closer to the quayside Steve began to recover a little and was able to climb slowly back up the ladder with Lee staying closely behind him just in case. As he reached the top Mike and Norm reached down and grabbed his arms and hauled him up the last two steps. As his feet landed on the dock his legs crumpled and he fell on all fours shivering violently and began to gag from the putrid taste of the murky, salty seawater he had swallowed. Alarmed by this and by the cold emanating from his partner Mike quickly scanned the area for another medic and was relieved to see one heading straight for them.

"Hold on buddy boy! Helps on the way. Take it easy now." Mike encouraged.

The medic reached them just as Steve proceeded to throw up, heaving painfully in his efforts to expel the vile salty liquid he had unintentionally swallowed.

"He must have swallowed a lot of seawater. That's the body's natural response to get rid of it." the medic explained. "We need to check if he got any in his lungs."

As Steve's body finally stopped heaving he was carefully carried to where blankets were laid out on the ground and lying him down the medic started to check him over. Steve felt so cold and tired and was breathing heavily and shivering. Mike stayed close by, ready to assist if needed but at the same time he was watching along with everyone else on the dock, the medics who were frantically trying to revive the little girl and the hysterical cries of the mother tore at everyone's hearts. While the medic took Steve's vital signs, he reached out a hand and pulled at Mike's sleeve directing his attention back from the scene unfolding on the dockside just a little way off from them to his young partner.

"Mike! ... The little girl ... Is she ok?" Steve asked in gasps.

"They're helping her now Steve. Don't try to talk. You did real good to get them out buddy boy. Now you take it easy and let the medic help you."

"She panicked Mike ... She's not breathing is she?" Steve asked getting upset as he remembered seeing the mother desperately trying to get her daughter to the surface while she flailed and panicked.

"She's in good hands Steve. They're doing all they can."

"Oh man ..." Steve groaned as he heard the mother's cries and put his hands over his face to hide the emotions that threatened to overwhelm him from exhaustion and despair.

Just then a cheer rose from the scene close to them and a uniformed officer came running towards them his face beaming from ear to ear.

"She's breathing! They have her breathing!" he exclaimed.

"Did you hear that Steve? She's alright. She's breathing! You did it buddy boy! You saved them! They're both ok." Mike said patting Steve's arm proudly.

"Thank God!" Steve gasped, relieved and overwhelmed by everything that had occurred in the last fifteen minutes. He was still shaking violently and the medic was frowning as he continued his examination of Steve. Mike noticed the medic's dissatisfaction and queried it.

"What's the matter?"

"His core temperature is too low. He's slightly hypothermic and his breathing is still a little laboured. We're going to have to bring him in."

With that, the medic set to work inserting an IV line, wrapping him in blankets and put an oxygen mask over his face. As the medic applied the mask Steve panicked a little at the sudden rush of air into his lungs and fought to remove it but Mike grabbed his hand and spoke reassuringly.

"Now buddy boy. You need to leave that on and breathe nice and slowly. Ok?"

Mike's words worked and Steve allowed the oxygen to ease his burning lungs and within minutes he was quickly transferred to the back of a waiting ambulance. The little girl and her mother were put into a second ambulance and with sirens blaring they quickly left for San Francisco General.

Mike put Haseejian in charge of the crime scene and left instructions for the driver's body to be retrieved by the police dive team and for the taxi to be brought up safely. Then he insisted on Lee travelling with him and Steve, to get checked out too after his rescue efforts despite Lee's protests that he was perfectly fine. As Norm handed Mike Steve's jacket, shoes and personal effects Mike asked him to find the rookie officer who had fired at the driver in the first place, as he wanted to have a meeting with him in his office first thing in the morning! In that instant Norm felt slightly sorry for the young rookie who was going to have to face the wrath of Mike Stone but agreed none the less. Then satisfied that the crime scene was under control the three men headed off in the ambulance.

Steve remained very quiet on the journey to the hospital watched closely by the EMT and his two other companions. Mike and Lee exchanged worried glances occasionally until Mike looked at Lee and noticing something started to chuckle. Lee eyed him suspiciously, realizing that he must look quite a sight huddled in a blanket as he was, soaked to the bone.

"What? What's so funny?"

Remembering an earlier, similar incident with Steve a year or so earlier Mike could barely speak through his laughter.

"What time you got Lee?"

"What time?" Lee asked becoming a little concerned for the older man until a quick glance at his waterlogged watch made him understand, but too relieved at the outcome of this morning's events to be mad, he joined Mike in some medicinal laughter.

**A/N : I had intended on finishing the story here but have decided to write a third chapter just to tie up any loose ends and conclude it better. This may take longer than my normal updates but it will be forthcoming. In the meantime, I hope you have enjoyed my story so far and I want to thank all those who took the time to read it and those who constantly and loyally review my writing. You all have my deepest gratitude.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Going Under **

Chapter 3

**A/N : Due to quite a lot of loose ends to tie up I had too much material for just one more chapter and as I have since had ideas how to expand this story there are still more chapters to come. Here is the next instalment hopefully for your enjoyment.**

By the time they reached the hospital, Steve's body temperature had risen a little and although his hands were still like ice his breathing had stabilised thanks to the steady supply of oxygen he was receiving through the mask. He was utterly exhausted though and had slept for most of the journey. Mike watched with concern as his partner was quickly taken from the ambulance and rushed into the ER department. Mike helped Lee down and walked him in behind the gurney. As Steve was whisked away to be examined and a nurse led Lee into the ER too to be checked, Mike was left in the waiting room by himself with only his thoughts for company.

Removing his fedora and fingering it in his hands he replayed the hellish scenes from earlier in his head and felt the worry again tear at his heart as the stark realization hit him that things could have turned out a lot worse! He honestly couldn't even begin to imagine how he would have coped if Steve had drowned earlier. Jeannie and Steve were the two most important people in his life and to lose either one of them was not something he ever wanted to even contemplate. But today had been close. Way too close, he thought to himself! As it was he couldn't even begin to imagine how hard it had been for Steve to not only hold his breath underwater for so long but to see through the murky water and attempt a rescue in such dire and hopeless circumstances. But he had done it regardless, despite all the odds stacked against him and suddenly the feelings of worry and terror in his heart were replaced with ones of immense relief and pride.

Mike was torn from his thoughts as the elevator doors opened a short way away and the frazzled looking forms of Captain Rudy Olsen and the Department psychologist Lenny Murchison came hurrying towards him.

The Captain spoke first.

"Dear God Mike! I just got word of what happened! How are Steve, Lee and the two civilians? Are they going to be ok? What the hell happened out there Mike?"

Mike looked up at the Captain and feeling anger rise within him he replied.

"Blatant insubordination ! That's what happened! I gave a strict "no fire "order over the radio during the pursuit and a young wet behind the ears rookie decided he knew better and thought he was better than the rest of us! God only knows what he thought was going to happen to the car on an open dock after he'd taken out the driver! This could have turned out a whole lot worse Rudy if it wasn't for Steve risking his life yet again to drag this department's reputation out of the gutter! We nearly lost an innocent woman and child and one or two of our own due to pure recklessness! Now I hope for once you are going to do something about it because if you don't so help me Rudy I will!"

By the time Mike's rant ended he was red in the face and breathing heavily. The pent-up feelings of anger and worry that he been holding onto seemed to find a life of their own and even Mike himself was slightly embarrassed by the extent of the hostility his words had managed to convey. Looking down at the floor he again fiddled with the fedora and spoke this time as calmly as his ragged breathing would allow.

"It went to the wire on this one Rudy. It could have gone either way."

Taken aback by his Lieutenant's anger but also knowing how close his partnership with Steve was Rudy understood the depth of Mike's feelings and spoke reassuringly to the older man.

"You have every right to be mad Mike and you're absolutely right. It's not the first time Steve has saved the day so to speak. He's one of the most self sacrificing officers I know and he deserves better support from the rest of us. Do we know who the rookie was?"

Mike shook his head finally managing to slow his breathing down and regain his inner calm.

"No. I didn't recognize him. But Haseejian is looking into it for me. He's probably just out of the Academy, inexperienced and wanting to prove to everyone what a sharp shooter he is!"

"Don't worry Mike! When I'm finished with him the only thing he'll be filling full of lead will be parking meters!" then pausing slightly, he continued " You never said how everyone is Mike? Will they all be ok?"

"Yes ... I think so. There's been no word yet though. The little girl wasn't breathing when they pulled her out but the paramedics managed to revive her on the dock. The mother seemed ok, just out of her mind worrying about the child and Steve was hanging in there too. He swallowed a lot of seawater and was hypothermic from being in the cold water so long. All three of them will be pretty traumatized I'd say which is perfectly understandable considering how close they came to ... well you know." Mike trailed off, unable to fully vocalize what would have been his worst fear. "I made Lee come in to be checked just to be on the safe side but he seemed ok when I saw him last."

After hearing how close things had been Olsen sank down on the chair beside Mike and the two men sat quietly without another word. Lenny who had been observing both men in both a friend and a professional capacity had stayed quiet and listened to the exchange between his two colleagues but seeing the stress and strain on both their faces he spoke next.

"Looks like you two could do with some hot, sweet coffee. I'll go get some!"

And with that he turned and went to fetch the hot beverages leaving the two older men to their thoughts and worries for just a brief moment.

When he returned, the two men were still exactly as he had left them and the tension and worry was almost palpable. Sensing the unhealthy atmosphere Lenny decided that it was better to divide and conquer so he addressed Rudy first.

"Here Captain. Nice hot coffee! Say why don't you go contact the Police Commissioner and give him the heads up. The media are going to be all over this. He'd probably appreciate getting the facts from you before his phone starts ringing off the hook! I'll stay here with Mike and keep you posted on the patients. Ok?"

"The Commissioner! You're absolutely right Lenny. Thanks ... I'll go call him right away although he's going to be mad as hell about this whole PR fiasco!" Rudy exclaimed but regretted his choice of words as he saw Mike look at him with a fiery glare and so he stumbled an apology.

"Sorry Mike! Of course that's not important considering the lives that were nearly lost today ..."

Then seeing Mike's glare strengthening he decided a retreat was probably the best choice of action under the circumstamces and mumbled awkwardly.

"I'd better go make that call ... "

As Olsen left in a hurry, Mike looked up at Lenny and shook his head.

"Don't be too hard on him Mike. Having to constantly deal with the bureaucrats means he ends up thinking like them too sometimes! You know he genuinely cares about Steve and the others. I was with him when he got word Mike and he couldn't get here fast enough."

Mike's glare softened and he nodded at Lenny.

"Ok, ok point taken ... " and then taking a sip of the coffee cup Lenny had given him he continued "thanks for the coffee!"

"You're welcome ... how are you doing Mike? It must have been pretty traumatic for you on that quayside earlier too?" Lenny asked knowing how much Mike cared about Steve and how he must have been worried all the while Steve was in the water.

Mike looked at Lenny suspiciously and smiled.

"You asking as a friend or in a professional capacity?"

Lenny smiled at Mike's perceptiveness.

"You know me Mike. With me it's always a little bit of both."

"Well, I admire your honesty. It was a little nerve-wracking seeing as you brought it up but alls well that ends well as my dear old mother used to say. God rest her."

Before Lenny had a chance to quiz the older man further the ER doors opened and Steve was wheeled out on a gurney and whisked off down the corridor. Mike only caught a glimpse of the young detective but he did notice that he still had the oxygen mask over his face. Standing up he hurried over just as Dr. Armstrong appeared and approached him. Seeing the concern etched on the older man's face he quickly reassured him.

"Mike! Relax. He's going to be fine. I'm just sending him for a chest x-ray to be on the safe side. The medics said he swallowed a lot of seawater but that he appeared to throw most of it back up when he got back onto the dock but I just want to be sure he didn't aspirate any into his lungs. They reported his breathing as being a bit laboured but it seems to be ok now. I'm just erring on the side of caution. That's all."

Mike sighed out of relief.

"Well, that's good to hear! Has he warmed up too? He was pretty cold coming out of the water."

"Yes Mike. His core temperature is almost back to normal but I want to keep him in overnight just for observation and to watch for any complications."

Mike's facial expression changed in an instant, his smile faded and the worry returned.

"What complications?"

"Well ... he swallowed seawater Mike. The water in the bay is not exactly the cleanest. Sometimes the bacteria in it can cause a stomach upset but in Steve's case it looks like his body got rid of it fairly effectively so it shouldn't be a problem. And I want to monitor his breathing for twenty-four hours just to satisfy myself that everything is in working order. I want to make sure he's warmed up fully too before I discharge him. He's also pretty tired Mike. The rescue took a lot out of him. The enforced rest will do him good."

Mike relaxed again visibly knowing that Steve was in the best of hands and warmly shook the doctor's hand.

"Thanks Doc. I appreciate you taking such good care of the boy. Will I be able to see him?"

"Sure Mike, as soon as he comes back from the x-ray department and we have him settled you can see him. Now if you'll excuse me I have other patients waiting. Good day gentlemen."

"Ok Doc. Oh Doc! Any word on Lee or the woman and child?"

"Lee is fine Mike. He just needs some dry clothes. I'll be releasing him within the next hour. As for the woman and her little girl I'm not sure. Sorry Mike. Dr. Carter is looking after them. I'm sure he'll talk to you when he's done."

And with that the doctor turned and went back through the double doors.

Lenny smiled as he noticed how much calmer and more relaxed Mike was now that he knew Steve was going to be ok and he spoke to the older man.

"Knowing Steve, he won't be happy having to stay here for another twenty-four hours Mike but thank God he's alright."

"You can say that again! As to his staying in hospital over night well you just leave that to me! "

"Ok Mike." Lenny said as he patted the older man's shoulder."I'll go find the Captain and fill him in on how Steve and Lee are."

And soon Mike was left in his own company once more. So suddenly feeling tired he slumped back into a chair to wait for Steve's return and word on the mother and child.


	4. Chapter 4

**Going Under**

**A/N : Sorry my update is a day late. Life is hectic at the minute! Here is chapter four.  
**

Chapter 4

A few minutes later the elevator doors opened again and Bill Tanner appeared carrying a bag. Seeing the Lieutenant he headed straight for him. Mike saw him and smiled.

"Hi Mike! How are the guys doing?"

"They're ok Bill. They're releasing Lee soon and Steve should be out tomorrow with any luck."

"Thank God. All the guys back at the station will be relieved to hear that! I brought Lee over some dry clothes from his locker."

"Oh thanks Bill. He's waiting for those. Just hand them in to someone through the double doors and tell them who they're for."

Bill dutifully did what he was asked to and handed in the clothes for Lee and then returning to Mike he took out his notebook.

"Mike. The Captain was speaking with the lady who was pulled from the car. Her name is Susan Vaccaro and the little girl is six-year-old Ruby. The father is a US marine. He spends a lot of time overseas. Apparently she was taking the little girl to visit her grandparents out in Oakland when the taxi was hijacked. Haseejian called and asked me to update you on the crime scene too. The police dive team have recovered the body of the driver. He's been identified as one Tony Lombardi. He was paroled two months ago from San Quentin after serving twenty-five years. He got twenty years for armed robbery in which a security guard was killed in cold blood and two police officers were injured. While inside he attacked a prison officer with a handmade blade and got another five. Reports from Quentin say he was NOT a pleasant individual. They've also recovered the bag of stolen jewellery. The recovery team are still at the docks trying to raise the taxi. Haseejian said he'll stay down there until it's back on dry land and the crime scene has been wrapped up. Oh and Mike ... he found the rookie who fired. You're not going to like it Mike ..."

Mike had sat listening to all the details Bill told him but his last sentence unnerved him. Standing up Mike asked.

"Who was it?"

"It was Tommy Jefferson Mike ..." and Bill looked nervously at the floor awaiting Mike's reaction.

"Jefferson! Not Dan's son?"

"I'm afraid so Mike. One and the same."

"What in God's name was he thinking of? Why Dan retired just last year. He was the one of the best detectives on the force. Why when he retired he had more medals for bravery and commendations than anyone I know. He was also an ace marksman. It'll kill him when he hears about this!"

"Mike, I know it's not my place to say but don't judge him too harshly. Word around the station is that he's been getting a lot of stick about how great his old man was. It's hard to live up to a reputation like that."

"BILL! That's all very well and good but innocent people almost died today because of his carelessness ! If he's trying to prove himself then what he did today is not the way to go about it! Now I'm sorry. Dan was a great cop and a nice guy but this is one situation where the boy needs to take responsibility for his actions! "

Mike's temper had flared again and not having meant to take it out on the young man in front of him he calmed himself down and spoke again.

"I'm sorry Bill. I didn't mean to take your head off. It's just that Steve and that woman and child could have died today and what Tommy did is just too serious to brush under the carpet. He has to face the consequences."

"It's ok Mike. I know that. Just hear his side of the story. Huh? We all made mistakes when we were rookies. Being a perfect cop's son is not an easy thing to be. I know that from experience Mike." and Bill looked at the floor again.

"There's a big difference there Bill. You've become a fine detective. You've made your father proud."

"Thanks Mike but we all had to start somewhere. I was lucky enough to get to learn from the best. Maybe he hasn't been as fortunate yet."

"Ok, ok Bill. I'll listen and I'll talk to him but leniency is not an option in this case."

"Fair enough Mike. I better head back."

Before he had a chance to turn and leave, Lee Lessing appeared through the double doors and both men walked over towards him. Mike spoke first.

"Lee! You ok?"

"Yeah. I'm fine Mike and thanks for the clothes Bill. Any news on Steve and the others?"

"No news yet on the little girl. But the captain was in talking to the mother so she seems to be ok. Steve is just gone up for an x-ray but the doctor said he's doing fine. They're just going to keep him in overnight for observation. Listen Lee, take the rest of the day off. Go home to your wife and that pretty little girl of yours ok?"

"Mike. I'M FINE! Really! "

"I know. But when's the last time I gave you the rest of the day off? Huh? Now go on before I change my mind."

Bill and Lee both smiled at the older man and Bill spoke first.

"He's got a point Lee. I'd take him up on that offer if I were you! Come on. I'll drop you home on my way back to the station."

Lee smiled again and shook Mike's hand.

"Ok Mike ... and thanks."

Mike shook his hand and replied.

"Sure. See you in the morning. Oh and Lee ... thanks for helping to get him out safe."

Lee could see the raw emotion in Mike's eyes and knew how close they had come to losing their friend and colleague as he remembered the horror he felt as he neared Steve earlier and saw him slip under the surface.

"I'm just glad he's ok Mike. Tell him I was asking for him. Ok?"

"Sure. I will Lee. Now go spend some time with your family."

And with that the men said their goodbyes and Mike watched as Bill and Lee got back in the elevator and the doors closed.

Mike wasn't alone for long this time as Dr. Armstrong and another doctor came ambling down the corridor and called him.

"Mike! Steve's x-ray was clear. There's no fluid on his lungs so that's all good news. Rather than drag him back down here I got him a room up on the third floor. Number 48. He should be settled up there by now so if you want, you can go up and see him. Listen Mike, physically he's doing fine just a little tired but you might want to watch him for a few days. He's very quiet Mike. Unnervingly quiet if you ask me. Now I'm no expert on the subject but it could be a touch of PTS ."

Mike looked worried.

"Post traumatic stress huh? You think he might be suffering from it?"

"All I'm saying is that it was a pretty traumatic situation. Talk to him Mike. If anyone can get to the bottom of whats bothering him its you. Now this is Dr. Carter. He'll fill you in on the woman and child that you were asking about earlier. I'll see you later Mike."

"Ok. Thanks Doc." And with that Dr. Armstrong headed back up the corridor leaving Dr. Carter and Mike to talk.

"How are they Doctor?"

"All things considered they are doing fine. The mother is well and considering that the little girl had to be revived at the scene she is doing remarkably well too. However as Dr. Armstrong said it was a very traumatic situation and they are both fairly traumatized. The little girl in particular is showing distinct signs of post traumatic stress. While she is conscious she hasn't spoken yet not even to her mother. It's quite common especially for that age group. Her mother is very stressed and worried about her. We'll be keeping them both for a day or two just to keep a close eye on them both. Hopefully things will improve. Now if you'll excuse me Lieutenant I have another patient waiting. Goodbye."

"Goodbye Doctor. Thanks for filling me in."

Mike watched as Dr. Carter left and thought about how frightening a situation it had been for all three of them but most especially for the child. Having a daughter of his own he couldn't even begin to imagine how he would feel if anything like that had happened to Jeannie when she was so young. He really hoped that she would be ok and decided that later on he would call into see her but right now he had another young man who needed his attention and so without further ado he headed for the elevator and pressed the button for the third floor.

As he exited the elevator on the third floor he looked up and down and caught sight of the nurses station. Heading straight there he inquired about the whereabouts of his partner and was directed down the corridor. Arriving outside room 48 Mike knocked cautiously and heard a female voice telling him to come in. Opening the door Mike saw Steve propped up by pillows on the bed looking miserable while an older nurse stood by his bed taking his pulse. Mike was pleased to see that Steve no longer had the oxygen mask on and noted the fact that he had a thermometer in his mouth. When Steve saw Mike his face visibly brightened and he went to speak only to be quickly admonished by the nurse attending to him.

"Ah, ah! No talking until your temperature is taken. Keep it firmly under your tongue."

Steve shot Mike a look of exasperation and Mike smiled while the nurse continued to check Steve and wrote her findings in his chart. Then when she finished writing she removed the thermometer, looked at the reading and shook her head unhappily. Then she came around the side of the bed and checked his IV line and then without warning she grabbed the blanket and pulled it right up to Steve's neck much to Steve's annoyance.

"Keep that blanket up around you. Your temperature is still not quite back to normal yet so you need to retain body heat for the moment. I'm going to go fetch you some sweet tea which will help aswell. I'll be back shortly. Try to get some rest." Then turning to leave she addressed Mike "Don't tire him out! And make sure he keeps that blanket up!" and with that she left the room.

Mike shot a sympathetic look at Steve and smiled as he saw Steve throw the blanket down from his chest.

"Thank God you're here Mike. You've got to get me out of here! All this fussing is driving me crazy. Use your influence and get Dr. Armstrong to discharge me will you please ? I'm feeling a lot better. I just want to go home."

Mike sat down on the edge of Steve's bed and patted Steve's arm affectionately.

"Now, now. Calm down. Not this time buddy boy. The doctor says you need to stay for twenty-four hours and for once I happen to agree with him. Your temperature needs to return back to normal and because you swallowed so much seawater they need to watch you closely."

"MIKE!" Steve pleaded, horrified that his mentor was for once siding against him.

"Steve! It's not so bad. It's only twenty-four hours. You'll be out before you know it and in the meantime it might help you get out quicker if you follow orders." Mike said taking the blanket and tucking it back up around him.

Steve sighed grumpily, slumped back into the pillows and stared out the window in disgust while Mike smiled at the young man in the bed who to all intensive purposes was sulking. While he was amused by Steve's childish sulk he also felt sorry for the young man who had been through so much in the last few hours and he also remembered what the doctor had said about the after effect that trauma can have.

After a few minutes of silence had lapsed between the two men Mike asked tentatively.

"How are you feeling buddy boy?"

Steve turned to look back at Mike and seemed to have accepted his fate albeit reluctantly. Knowing Mike was genuinely concerned and feeling guilty as he suddenly realized the amount of stress that Mike must have been under at the crime scene as he watched things unfold he half smiled at the older man and answered.

"I'm ok Mike. Any news on the mother and the little girl?"

"They're ok. The mother is well and the little girl she's ... well she'll be kept under observation for a while too."

Mike had been about to tell Steve about the little girl's trauma but something about Steve's demeanour made him change his mind mid sentence so he had paused and changed what he had said instead. Mike hoped that in his current condition Steve wouldn't have noticed but true to form Steve had noticed and became visibly alarmed. Throwing the blanket away from him again, he grabbed Mike's arm and became extremely agitated.

"Mike? What were you going to say? It's the little girl isn't it? She's not ok is she? Everyone keeps telling me she's fine but you're all just saying that so as not to upset me aren't you? I saw her struggling Mike. She wasn't moving when I got her to the surface. Dear God Mike. PLEASE! Tell me the truth. Is she alive?"

Mike hadn't expected such an emotional reaction from the young man and standing up he grabbed Steve's shoulders gently and spoke softly but firmly to him in his bid to calm the young man down.

"Hey, hey now. Take it easy buddy boy. Now when have I ever lied to you huh? The little girl is fine. She's doing really well all things considered. Now calm down. Ok?"

Steve looked suitably embarrassed.

"Ok Mike. I'm sorry. You're right. You never lie to me. But you're holding something out on me Mike. I can tell. What is it Mike? What aren't you telling me?" Steve asked pleadingly.

Knowing that Steve had sensed something was wrong and not wanting to break the trust between them, Mike decided to tell Steve the truth.

"Ok Steve. It's just that the doctors reckon that the little girl is suffering from post traumatic stress. Since she regained consciousness she hasn't spoken a word to anyone not even her mother." Then seeing Steve's expression change to one of shock he quickly tried to sound positive. "You know doctors Steve. They're always trying to make a big deal out of everything. Maybe she just has a touch of delayed shock. Kids are very resilient buddy boy. She'll bounce back to herself. You'll see!"

Steve went very quiet as if he was struggling to process what Mike had told him. He felt himself getting upset as he thought about the little girl and what she had endured. He seemed to sink further into the pillows and then he let out a troubled sigh.

"Oh man."

And then he covered his face with both hands and as he closed his eyes, all the feelings he had bottled up from earlier came flooding back in tortured flashbacks. He remembered hearing the screams of the woman and child from inside the sinking car and feeling panic rise within him. He remembered the helplessness he felt as he tried in vain to gain access to the car. He remembered how annoyed he felt at having to return to the surface for more air and the worry he felt that he wouldn't get back to them again in time. He recalled the relief he felt as he finally managed to break the window and open the door and the added relief he had felt as he managed to get them safely from the car. Then things had gone terribly wrong. He recalled the shock he felt as the driver had grabbed his leg and the horror as he saw him reach for his gun. He felt once more the terror rise within him as he felt himself running out of air. He remembered how he had made a panicked decision to save himself and the woman and child as he kicked out at the dying man and the guilt he felt at leaving the man to drown. Then all at once he recalled painfully the burning sensation in his lungs, the sight of the mother struggling to get her flailing little girl up to the surface, grabbing them desperately and that final moment before they broke through as bubbles streamed from his nose and mouth and seawater poured down his throat choking him and making him gag and retch as the vile tasting liquid made its way to his stomach. The whole hellish scene played over in his mind and he shuddered involuntarily as he remembered the biting cold and his struggle to breathe.

Mike watched the young man closely and could almost feel the sense of despair emanating from him. He began to regret telling him about the little girl's trauma and his heart went out to him as he sensed that he had his own tormented memories of the dreaded incident replaying in his head. It was then that Mike noticed Steve's shudder and that he appeared to be shaking. Reaching over again he took Steve's hands away from his face and to his shock he saw Steve with his eyes shut tight struggling to breathe! Alarmed he pressed the bell for the nurse and with his hand on Steve's shoulder he spoke soothingly to him and prayed that help would come sooner rather than later.

"Hold on buddy boy! Helps on the way!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Going Under**

Chapter 5

Within seconds the nurse had arrived and seeing the young man in difficulty she glared at Mike.

"My God. What happened?"

"I was talking to him and he got upset." Mike explained worriedly.

"He's hyperventilating! It's like a panic attack." the nurse explained to a worried looking Mike.

Then she sprang into action and grabbed the oxygen mask and immediately placed it over Steve's face and calmly and soothingly she spoke to the young man.

"Steve! You need to breathe slowly. Take nice slow deep breaths. Come on now. Use the oxygen in the mask to help you. That's it. "

Mike stood beside Steve and watched as very gradually the nurse managed to get Steve's breathing back under control however he remained quite shaky after the incident. Mike saw him shudder again and the nurse watched as Mike carefully pulled the blanket up around the young man and tucked it around him. She was very touched at the care that the older man showed the young man in the bed and seeing the concern etched on his face she reached out and placed a hand on Mike's shoulder.

"He's ok now. Just leave the mask on for another few minutes and then you can remove it. Keep his blankets up and I'll go fetch that sweet tea. It will help him too."

Mike nodded and thanked the nurse for her help and then before she left she leaned in and spoke to Mike quietly so as Steve wouldn't overhear.

"He performed a very traumatic rescue earlier. Talking might help him. I think you might be the just the person he needs to talk to." and with a knowing smile at Mike she left the room.

Mike sat back down on the bed and watched his young partner closely. Steve had kept his eyes firmly closed throughout the panic attack and only now as his breathing settled did he open them. Reaching a shaky hand up he removed the mask and cast a furtive glance at Mike feeling mortified at showing such weakness in front of his partner and mentor. Mike grabbed his hand gently with kindness and understanding.

"Maybe you should leave that on for a little while longer. Huh buddy boy?"

"No ... I'm ok now Mike ... Sorry about that ..." and again he looked towards the window feeling embarrassed.

Reaching out, Mike caught Steve's chin and turned him back to look at him and he swore he saw moisture in the young man's eyes.

"Hey, hey now. There's nothing to be sorry for. What you did earlier was above and beyond the call of duty. It must have been pretty scary down there. Huh?" Mike asked very tentatively not wanting to upset the young man too much or cause another frightening panic attack.

"No Mike. I've dived in the bay before. A group of us used to free dive in the bay when I was in college. That didn't bother me. I'm quite good at holding my breath underwater."

Trying his best to keep Steve at his ease Mike teased.

"Well you never mentioned that before!"

Steve half smiled.

"I guess it never came up in conversation before."

Then seeing Steve relax a little he decided to push it a little further.

"If the diving didn't bother you then what was it buddy boy? Something's chewing on you. I can always tell you know. Now I happen to know for a fact that Lenny is in the hospital at the minute with Olsen and he's just itching for someone to counsel. Now I know how you feel about that so wouldn't you rather talk to me instead? What do you say buddy boy?"

When Mike had mentioned Lenny, Steve's eyes had widened and he swore that he saw Steve almost catch his breath. Looking at the blankets and not at his partner Steve mumbled something that Mike almost had to strain to hear.

"Ok Mike. Something happened down there that ... well that I'm not exactly proud of ..."

Steve trailed off as the words caught in his throat and removing one of his arms from under the covers he started pulling at the blanket nervously still refusing to catch Mike's eye.

Mike listened and knew by Steve's demeanor and actions that he was finding it hard to open up about what had happened. Reaching out he stilled the young man's hand and squeezed it supportively.

"Steve! You rescued two people from the bottom of the bay! What in God's name could you possibly not be proud of?"

Again there was a few minutes silence as Steve seemed to be struggling to find the courage he needed to recount the events to his partner so again Mike squeezed his hand and intervened.

"Maybe if you start at the beginning ... you know ... when you dived in it would be easier."

Steve looked up at his partner and nodded appreciatively for the suggestion.

"Ok ... well ... the first time I dived down all I could hear were screams coming from the car. I didn't want to use the crowbar in case it frightened them even more so I tried to open the door and when that didn't work I tried to kick in the front passenger window but again it wouldn't budge. The water was flowing in fast so I tried to get the lady to wind down the window and equalize the pressure but she was too hysterical. I was running out of air so I had to go back up for more ..."

"Ok. I saw you coming up that time."

Steve paused and removed his other arm from under the blanket and started to rub his mouth and chin as was a nervous habit of his. All the while Mike was watching him closely almost fearful of knowing what had upset Steve so much. Allowing him a few moments respite he waited patiently for the young man to continue.

"When I went back down the second time the water was up to their shoulders and I knew I had to use the crowbar, so I smashed the front passenger window. They were screaming and the water was rushing in so I managed to open the door and as the car filled totally I managed to guide them out through the front passenger door of the car ... and then ..."

Steve swallowed hard and seemed to find it hard to continue. Mike again waited patiently and watched him carefully for signs of distress. As he waited, he heard a click from the door behind him and half glanced over to see Lenny Murchison quietly slip in. Steve couldn't see the door from where his bed was positioned and due to the fact that he seemed lost in his memories he hadn't even heard anyone entering. Knowing full well that Steve would clam up if he saw Lenny he gestured to Lenny, without Steve seeing to stay where he was. Lenny dutifully did as he was asked and leaned against the wall out of Steve's sight. Knowing that Lenny would now hear everything that Steve admitted privately to him, Mike again spoke to Steve.

"Steve. If you're not ready to talk about it yet then that's ok you know."

Steve looked up at Mike and smiled at his thoughtfulness.

"No ... no it's ok. I want to tell you what happened. I just had to get them back up to the surface but as I turned to follow them ... Mike ..."

Seeing Steve having difficulty again he tried to help him out.

"Steve. Did you panic? Is that what happened? Is that why you ran out of air? Because if it is buddy boy. Well that's nothing to be ashamed of. Anyone would have done the same put in the same situation ..."

Before he could say anymore Steve interrupted him.

"No ... no Mike. That's not it. He ... he was alive Mike!"

Mike looked confused for a minute and then it suddenly all made sense.

"The driver?"

"Yeah ... I never checked him Mike. He was slumped over the wheel and there was blood free-flowing from his chest. They were screaming and I never checked him. I just assumed he was dead. My priority was to get the woman and child out but as I turned he grabbed my leg ... "

It was Mike's turn to swallow hard as he heard about the added horror that Steve had to endure. While he processed what Steve had just told him Steve continued.

"I got a shock when he grabbed me and I lost some air. At first I thought he was trying to get me to save him but as I looked at him I realized that he was reaching for a gun that was on the passenger seat ... I could feel my air running out and knew I was in trouble. I had to get back up to the surface and I had to go help the woman and the little girl so I did the only thing I could think of at the time. I ... I kicked out at him Mike. I kicked him and he let go and I swam away and I left him ... My lungs were burning Mike and as I swam up I saw the mother and the little girl ... "

Again Steve paused as the vision of the little girl's distress came back to him and he felt a lump form in his throat. No wonder she wasn't speaking. He remained lost in that one tormented memory until another squeeze on his hand brought him back to the present and he looked at Mike who was looking sympathetically at him.

"Go on buddy boy ... It's ok."

So shakily Steve continued.

"The little girl was panicking and struggling and the mother was having a hard time trying to get her back up so I grabbed them both and dragged them up with me. I could see the sun breaking through and I knew we were close to the surface ... but ... but I couldn't hold my breath any longer so I exhaled. It normally buys you a few more seconds but before I broke the surface seawater starting pouring down my throat ... I knew if I inhaled it I was a goner so I swallowed it ..."

Steve closed his eyes again and winced at the memory of it.

"It tasted vile Mike and when we finally surfaced my lungs were on fire ... I was trying to suck in air but the seawater was making me gag and retch. I was holding the little girl with one arm and the woman with the other and trying to tread water. The little girl wasn't moving Mike. She was just floating there lifeless and I wanted to help her but I couldn't catch my breath and it was so cold ... God it was so cold Mike ..."

Steve shivered again and his voice started to break and he felt himself getting upset. He covered his face with one hand again and was visibly shaking. The memory of how cold and bleak it had been made him feel chilled again and he shivered for a second time. Mike's heart went out to his partner. He knew that it must have been harrowing but hadn't quite realized the full extent of what he had endured until now. Even Lenny who had heard everything Steve had said from his vantage point at the door felt sorry for the young detective but he was proud of Mike for getting him to talk about it. That was half the way to recovery he always firmly believed. And so as silently as he had entered he left knowing Mike was there to pick up the pieces and pull him through.

Seeing Steve shivering Mike tucked the blanket around the young man again and patting Steve's shoulder affectionately he spoke softly.

"Well buddy boy, that's one hell of a tale. No wonder you're having panic attacks. But it's ok now. Everything's going to be alright. You'll see. As for the driver ... I know you. You're feeling bad about leaving him behind. Right?"

Steve seemed to pull himself together a little. Talking about it had helped and Mike's presence and wise words always made everything seem a little easier to cope with. Looking at Mike again he merely nodded as he acknowledged the guilt he felt at not only kicking a badly injured man but also leaving him behind to drown.

"Now you listen to me buddy boy. When you looked in his eyes did you see him asking for help?"

Steve looked confused.

"What do you mean? What are you talking about?"

"Steve. Everyday we read people. That's what most of our job is. In every situation that we walk into we look people in the eyes and we read them. Whether it's to tell if they're lying or holding something back on us or if sometimes thankfully we feel they're telling the truth. Other times we can see in their eyes if they're a threat to us or not. Steve, we do it everyday mostly subconsciously. That's what keeps us alive and helps us do our job and you are one of the best readers of people that I know. I've seen you do it and read it right a hundred times so I'm asking you again when you looked in his eyes what did you see?"

Steve thought about the moment that the perp had grabbed his leg. He saw almost satisfaction in the driver's eyes. He saw hatred and pure evil and looking at Mike, he answered quietly.

"I saw a threat."

"Exactly!" Mike stated animatedly.

"Don't you see buddy boy? You didn't leave him to drown! You made the same judgement call you make everyday on this job. Why if you had met him on the street instead of at the bottom of the bay and he had gone for his gun the same way what would you have done?"

Again as Mike's words suddenly made sense he shakily answered.

"I'd have shot first."

Mike smiled warmly as he could see Steve making sense of what he was telling him.

"You didn't leave him. You acted in self-defense buddy boy. If you hadn't done what you did he'd have shot you without a second thought and we'd have dragged the bay for your body too aswell as the woman and child's. We've identified him as one Tony Lombardi and he was a real piece of work I can tell you. So you stop feeling guilty and start feeling proud. That little girl wouldn't have stood a chance if it wasn't for you. She'll come around. You'll see."

Steve smiled and looked gratefully at the older man. He was right. Damn it, he nearly always was! He hadn't looked at it that way and it did give him some inner peace. Before he had a chance to say another word though, the nurse came bustling back in with a mug of hot sweet tea in her hand. Seeing the blankets still pulled up around the young man and the older man sitting on the bed beside Steve watching almost protectively over him made the nurse smile too. Setting down the tea on the bedside locker she spoke.

"How are we doing? Are you feeling a little better young man?" the nurse asked kindly and reaching and taking his arm out from under the covers she proceeded to take his pulse.

Steve nodded, suddenly feeling drained. The whole morning and afternoon had taken their toll on him and he just wanted to sleep for a while. Both Mike and the nurse could see how tired he was and exchanged a knowing look between them.

"Your pulse is fine but you still feel a little cool to the touch and a little shaky for my liking. Drink that tea for me. Ok? It will help and keep covered up. After you've gotten some sleep I'll check back on you and we'll see if your temperature has come back up."

Tucking Steve's arm back under the blanket she turned to Mike but before she had a chance to issue instructions he had spoken first.

"Don't worry. I'll make sure he drinks it and stays covered up too!"

Exchanging a smile with the older man she nodded appreciatively and left the room. Standing up and moving to the other side of the bed Mike picked up the tea and sat down beside his partner.

"Come on buddy boy. You heard the lady. You've got to drink this to warm you up!"

Steve winced and complained.

"I don't want it Mike! Pour it down the sink will you? She'll never know!"

Mike looked horrified.

"Steve Keller! I will do no such thing! Now you're going to drink this if I have to hold your nose to get you to swallow it!"

"Mike! I still have a bad taste in my mouth from earlier. I can't stomach it." Steve complained further.

"All the more reason to drink this and take the bad taste away. Now come on lean forward and drink some."

Knowing Mike was in determined mode Steve realized that he was just wasting his time arguing. Leaning forward he took a sip from the mug in Mike's hand. His first reaction was to wince at the sweetness of it but after the second mouthful he had to agree that the tea felt good as the hot liquid trickled down his throat and there was definitely something warming and comforting about it. Mike was pleased to see the young man enjoying it despite himself. After a few seconds and feeling slightly revived by the tea Steve looked up from the cup and asked.

"Mike did you found out who the rookie was that fired?"

Mike's cheerful expression changed and he set the cup back down and looked more seriously at Steve.

"Yes ... It was Tommy Jefferson."

Steve's jaw dropped and he visibly slumped back against the pillows.

"Oh man! Well that explains a lot!"

"I've heard he gets a hard time on account of the reputation of his old man. What have you heard?" Mike asked.

"Yeah. I've heard pretty much the same. He appears to have a reputation for being a bit headstrong and gung-ho but he's still fairly green Mike. Don't go too hard on him huh? We've all been there. Besides everything turned out fairly alright."

"FAIRLY ALRIGHT? Only thanks to you! Now don't you start too. I've already had Bill giving me an earful about being too harsh with him. What he did was reckless and careless and people could have died, you included! So don't expect me to turn a blind eye on this one! "

"Ok, ok Mike. I know. Calm down. I know you need to talk to him and set him straight but don't put something in his file that's going to harm him down the line. That's all I'm saying. Give him the old Mike Stone talking to ... you know the life changing one. He'll toe the line after that I can assure you!"

"What Mike Stone life changing talk?"

"Oh come on Mike! We've all been on the receiving end of that one and it gets the point across. Believe me!"

"What are you talking about? When did I ever give you the Mike Stone talking to?"

Steve started to laugh.

"Aw Mike! I had my fair share of them in the first few months of working with you and it straightened me out! All those pearls of wisdom about keeping your fists in your pocket and your feelings out of the way pep talks. It's just what the boy needs Mike."

"That's ridiculous! Why I've never heard anything so ..." Then seeing Steve's smile he stopped mid sentence and couldn't help grinning to himself too." I guess I am pretty good at those. Huh?"

"Yeah ... Yeah you are!"

"Ok, ok I'll think about the best way to handle it. Now you're going to finish this tea and get some sleep. Unless you want another of my pep talks? Alright?"

Steve chuckled again. "Yes Sir!"

Finishing the tea Steve settled back as Mike fixed his pillows and tucked him in but before he went to sleep he asked one final question.

"Mike! What was the little girl's name?"

Mike told him the names of the mother and child and what he knew about them but before he had finished Steve had drifted into a peaceful healing sleep while Mike pulled up a chair and settled down in it and thought about how grateful he was that things had not turned out a whole lot worse.


	6. Chapter 6

**Going Under**

Chapter 6

It was just after seven o'clock when Lenny and the Captain entered Steve's room again and they exchanged an amused look between them as they saw the scene in front of them. Steve was still sound asleep and Mike had dozed off in the chair beside his bed. Moving silently towards Mike so as not to disturb the patient Lenny gently shook the older man's shoulder.

"Mike. Mike wake up. It's Lenny."

Mike startled awake and found himself looking up at the form of Lenny Murchison. Slightly embarrassed at being caught napping he sat up straight in his chair and seeing that Steve was still asleep he whispered quietly.

"Lenny. Where did you disappear to earlier? "

"Well, I headed back out. You were handling the situation fine Mike. Listen why don't you go home? Steve just needs rest now. We were talking to Dr. Armstrong and he said that Steve's temperature is mostly back to normal and having heard your conversation earlier I don't think nightmares are going to be a concern either so why don't you go home and get some proper rest. You've had a traumatic day too you know."

Brushing off Lenny's concern Mike protested.

"No. No I'm fine. I'd rather stay. Just in case."

"Mike. Lenny's right. Steve's ok. You need to go home and sleep in a proper bed." Olsen said joining the discussion.

"I SAID I'M FINE !" Mike said louder than he intended to out of annoyance at all the fussing.

"I'll stay with him a bit longer if you'd prefer?" Lenny offered.

As Mike shot an annoyed glare at Lenny's persistence, a sleepy voice caught all three men off guard as they all looked at Steve's bed and saw him stirring.

"No-one needs to stay with me guys. I appreciate all your concern but it's a long time since I needed a babysitter. Besides, it looks like I'll be out tomorrow so it's only for one night. Why don't all three of you go home and get some rest. Huh? I'll be perfectly fine." Steve said rubbing his eyes and smiling at the three men gathered around his bed.

"Are you sure you'll be ok on your own buddy boy?" Mike asked worriedly.

"Yeah Mike. Stop worrying will you? Now go on! All three of you look like you could use a good night's sleep. I'll see you all tomorrow." Steve said stifling a yawn himself.

"Ok buddy boy. You'll call me if you need anything?"

"Yes. I will. I promise. Goodnight."

Lenny and Rudy said their goodbyes to the young man and were ushering Mike towards the door when he turned once more.

"You do what the doctor tells you now. You hear me?"

"Yes. I will. Goodnight Mike!"

And as Mike said goodnight back and exited through the door Steve heard Mike remonstrating Lenny.

"You had to wake him didn't you?"

As the door closed, Steve shook his head and smiled. He settled down and closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep but this time he just couldn't manage to drift off again. Looking at his watch he reckoned that he had been asleep for nearly four hours. No wonder he wasn't that sleepy anymore. The next thing he noticed was that he was no longer connected to an IV line. They must have removed it while he was asleep. Happy that he was no longer hooked up to anything he realized that he was free now to get up if he wanted to so getting out of bed he made his way carefully over to the window. Opening the blinds and looking out he was disappointed to see that his window overlooked the car park. Some view! He thought to himself and in that moment he suddenly felt that it was going to be a long night! Not feeling sleepy anymore and with no view to look at. He didn't even have a robe or slippers otherwise he could have taken a stroll outside in the corridor. Then he noticed some books and magazines on a table in front of the window and picking them up he glanced at them all. One of the books was a murder mystery and knowing there was pretty much nothing else to pass the time, he decided he would start reading it. As he turned with the book in hand the nurse arrived in through the door and caught the young man half way across the room.

"Mr Keller! What are you doing out of bed? We've just managed to get your temperature back up and here you are in your bare feet roaming around in those hospital issue pyjamas. You'll catch your death! Back into bed with you! Come on now!"

And with that, and much to Steve's annoyance she ushered him back into his bed and proceeded to pull his blankets up around him as Mike had earlier.

"I'm sorry. I was just getting something to read. That's all."

"Mr Keller. If you need anything you are supposed to ring the bell and I'll get it for you. Now are you comfortable?"

"Yes. Thank you. Look, I feel fine really!"

"Well I'm glad you're feeling better but you're still under medical observation until Dr. Armstrong discharges you. Until then it's my job to make sure you don't overdo things or catch cold. So please, stay in bed and stay warm until he tells you to do otherwise. Ok?"

Realizing that the nurse was just following orders he nodded.

"Ok. I'm sorry. I'll stay put."

Smiling at the young man and understanding his frustration at feeling well but being stuck in bed, she continued.

"Are you having trouble sleeping? I can get you something if you'd like?"

"No. No thank you. I'll read for a bit. That usually works."

"How about some hot tea then? That might help aswell."

Thinking about how relaxing and comforting the tea was that she brought earlier he nodded.

"That would be nice thank you."

After the nurse left Steve sat up slightly and opened the book and started reading chapter one. By the time the nurse returned with the tea he had made it to the end of chapter two and after drinking the tea and reading some more he was starting to feel sleepy again. At the start of chapter four, Steve lay back against the pillows and as he read he felt his eyes closing. As he began to fall asleep the book started to slip from his hand and when it hit the floor he woke with a start at the loud thump. Realizing what had caused the sound that woke him he began to reach down to pick up the book when the door clicked again and looking up he saw an elderly couple enter.

The older man rushed forward.

"Here, let me get that for you young man." he offered as he bent down, picked up the book and handed it back to Steve.

Confused about who the people were but grateful for the assistance he thanked the man for his help. Then the lady spoke.

"Are you Inspector Steve Keller?"

Now even more surprised he sat up straighter in the bed and answered.

"Yes. But I think you have me at a disadvantage."

Immediately the old man flustered.

"Forgive our bad manners. I'm Joseph da Silva and this is my wife Maria. Susan Vaccaro is our daughter and Ruby is our granddaughter."

As realization dawned as to who the elderly couple were, Steve began to get flustered and agitated himself.

"Please take a seat. They're ok aren't they? Nothing's happened?"

The lady spoke next.

"No. No, they're fine. Thanks to you. Susan wanted to come and thank you herself but she doesn't want to leave Ruby. That's why we're here. My daughter is an only child. Her and Ruby and our son-in-law are all we have. We can't ever repay you for what you did for them. Thank you so much and God Bless you." the lady said emotionally as she grasped Steve's hand.

"Mrs da Silva, I just did my job. You don't have to repay me anything."

Mr da Silva intervened.

"No young man. What you did went above and beyond your job description. You risked your life to save our daughter and granddaughter and we will never forget what you did for us."

Steve swallowed hard again as a lump threatened to form in his throat.

Not sure how his words would come out as his emotions threatened to betray him he asked tentatively.

"Has Ruby spoken yet?"

The elderly couple exchanged a sad look and the woman answered

"No, not yet. I can't begin to imagine the horror she went through. She's only six years old ..." and with that she broke down and started to sob heartily.

Steve knew only too well the horror the little girl had endured and the memories of it came flooding back to him and the lump in his throat grew bigger and threatened to choke him as he felt sorry for the old lady who was visibly heartbroken. Steve blinked to try to stop tears forming in his eyes but his torment was seen by Joseph da Silva. Still comforting his wife with an arm around her shoulders he spoke to her softly.

"Mamma. Ruby will be fine. She is strong. This is not the time for tears. We must leave this young man to rest" and looking into her eyes he gestured towards Steve who was lost in his own tortured memories.

Pulling herself together the old lady realized what the old man was telling her and immediately felt ashamed for upsetting the young man in the bed.

"Oh, please forgive me." and grasping Steve's hand again she looked him straight in the eyes. "You lived the same horror. I didn't mean to upset you. We came to thank you. Forgive an old woman. "

"There's nothing to forgive ... I hope Ruby will be ok."

"Will you be ok young man?" the old man asked tentatively, placing a hand on his shoulder, alarmed at the level of torment he had seen in the young man's eyes.

"Yes. I'll be fine. They're going to discharge me tomorrow."

"We will go and leave you to rest. But before you go home tomorrow, Susan would love if you would come to see her and Ruby."

Steve shook his head slightly.

"I don't think that's a good idea. If she's traumatized, seeing me might just upset her. You know ... bring it all back."

The old lady became animated again and squeezed Steve's hand pleadingly.

"Oh Mr Keller. On the contrary! She thinks you are her hero! We think seeing you might help her. Even the doctors agreed "

"I don't understand. If she's not talking ... how could she possibly? ..."

"She has been drawing pictures. The child psychologist said it might help her to cope with what happened. She has drawn the car underwater with her and her mother inside. She draws a ... monster for the driver ..." the old lady sobbed again unable to continue so her husband continued for her.

"She has drawn you as a superhero coming to save them."

"I'm no superhero. Just an ordinary police officer doing his job."

The old man smiled and admired the young policeman's humility and spoke again.

"She even gave you a cape and super powers in her picture."

Touched by the little girl's perception of him he smiled too.

"Well, I sure wish I had those! Maybe I could have gotten them up quicker." Steve replied regretfully.

Patting the young man's shoulder, Joseph da Silva spoke firmly but gratefully.

"You do not do yourself justice. What you did for my family was extraordinary and I will be telling the Police Commissioner just that. I ask you just one more favour. Please visit our granddaughter before you leave the hospital tomorrow. We will be forever grateful to you."

Seeing the emotion in the old man's eyes Steve nodded his head.

"In that case of course! I'll gladly call to see her tomorrow."

The couple smiled at each other and again thanked the young man in the bed. Then they took their leave and left Steve to get some rest. As the door closed behind them Steve sunk back against the pillows. He began to feel slightly anxious again. Thinking of the whole ordeal again and seeing the upset of the little girl's grandparents had his emotions all over the place. He began to feel anxious about seeing Ruby. What if they were wrong? What if seeing him only made her worse? What if they had placed all their hopes in him getting her to talk again and it didn't happen? He started to feel his heart pounding again and he could feel himself breaking out in a cold sweat. He felt his breathing begin to quicken and felt another panic attack coming on. Dear God no! he thought to himself.

"Get a grip Steve" he chastised himself and began to take long deep breaths in an effort to slow his breathing down. As it began to work he contemplated ringing the bell for the nurse but reaching for the bell he saw the phone on the bedside locker and decided there was someone else he would rather talk to instead. Glancing at his watch he saw that it was just coming up to ten o'clock in the evening and so sitting up further against the pillows he picked up the receiver and dialled the number he knew off by heart.

As he waited for the phone to be answered he took one more deep breath and wondered if was actually doing the right thing. Just as he was deciding that maybe he had better just hang up a voice answered the phone.

"Hello. Stone!"

"Hi Mike. It's Steve."

"Steve? Is everything alright? Are you ok?"

"Yeah. Yeah I'm fine. I was just ... em ... ringing to see if you made it home safe. That's all." Steve flustered suddenly losing the nerve to tell him what had actually happened and kicking himself for not thinking of a better excuse for calling, realizing how lame it sounded.

Mike's suspicions immediately rose and knowing Steve as well as he did he knew there was another underlying reason for his late night call.

"Oh you did huh? Well I did. Thanks for the thought. Can't you sleep buddy boy?"

"No, not really. I think I just slept too much earlier."

"Well I'll tell you a little secret Steve. So did I. I'm not feeling very sleepy myself. I was just catching up reading today's paper. Perhaps I should have gotten you something to read before I left too huh?"

"No. It's ok. I found a book to read here in the room. It's not that bad."

"Ok. Did you ring for any other reason buddy boy?"

"No, like I said just to make sure you got home safe and to say hi!"

"Sure, well it has been almost three hours since we talked last!" and then after a small pause Mike decided to be blunt. "Come on buddy boy. You can't fool me. What's bothering you? Come on now, spit it out!"

Steve felt foolish for even attempting to hide anything from Mike. Mike could always see through his façade. Realizing he'd been discovered he decided to just come clean.

"Ok. Ok, you got me. I had a visit from Ruby's grandparents ..."

Mike listened and worried about what had obviously upset Steve enough to call.

"Go on Steve. What did they have to say?"

"Oh they were very nice. They wanted to thank me for saving their daughter and granddaughter. That sort of thing but ... well the grandmother got a bit upset thinking of what they had gone through ..."

Steve's voice trailed off a little and starting to understand Mike sympathetically added.

"I see. It kind of brought back what you went through too. Huh? Is that what happened buddy boy?"

Steve didn't answer for a few seconds as he marvelled at how perceptive Mike was.

"Yeah. I guess it did. Kind of ..."

"Are you ok Steve? If you want I can come back in to you for a while?" Mike kindly offered again concerned at the fact that the elderly couple's visit had such an impact on the young man.

Hearing Mike's offer though only made him feel more foolish and determining that he had been enough trouble to the older man for one day he quickly declined.

"No Mike. It's ok. You don't have to come back in. It's just that well ... they asked if I'd come to see Ruby tomorrow sometime. Apparently the doctors have said that it might help her to talk again."

Sensing the uncertainty in the young man's voice Mike questioned him further.

"And how do you feel about that buddy boy?"

Again Steve took a few seconds to form an answer.

"What if seeing me makes her worse Mike? I mean what if it brings it all back ... you know?"

"Well then I'd say that at least you tried. If the doctors think it might help then it's worth a shot Steve. Isn't it ? Has Dr. Armstrong said anything about discharging you tomorrow yet?"

"Yeah. Apparently he just wants to do another check up in the morning and if it's ok he'll discharge me around noon."

"Alright buddy boy. I'm meeting Tommy Jefferson in my office at nine am tomorrow morning. Afterwards I'll call by your place and pick you up some clothes and then I'll come to pick you up. When you're ready to leave we'll go down and see Ruby together. What do you say?"

"Sure Mike. Yeah that sounds good."

"You sure you're ok now?"

"Yeah. I'm ok. Thanks. Talking helped. Look I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight."

"Goodnight buddy boy ... Oh and Steve?"

"Yeah?"

"If you feel like saying hi anymore times throughout the night ..."

Before Mike had a chance to finish Steve laughed and replied.

"I know. I'll call the nurse instead! Don't worry!"

"No Steve. What I was going to say was you make sure you pick up the phone and call me. Ok?"

Touched by Mike's offer Steve felt the lump in his throat return.

"Ok. Thanks Mike. You sleep well. See you tomorrow!"

"You too. Goodnight."

And with that Steve hung up the phone and lay back feeling lucky to have a friend and a mentor like Mike Stone and picking up the book again he started reading once more. But tiredness overtook him at the end of chapter six and this time when the book hit the floor he didn't even stir.


	7. Chapter 7

**Going Under**

Chapter 7

The rest of the night passed fitfully for Steve. He hadn't slept much at all. He tossed and turned all night. The room felt stuffy and stifling and at two am he had pleaded with the nurse to open the window and let some fresh air in. Not wanting her patient to get a chill after his bout of hypothermia the day before she had been reluctant to, but seeing how restless and clammy the young man was she had finally agreed and had opened it enough to allow the room to cool down slightly. The fresh night air that wafted in the open window felt good to Steve but still sleep refused to come.

So he had continued to read the book he had found until around five am when he read the last page and put the book back down on the bedside locker. Without the distraction of the book he had been reading his mind started to think about his meeting with Ruby later that day and his anxiety returned. He started to feel his pulse racing a little. Getting frustrated he settled down and closed his eyes to try to sleep but Steve's mind was racing too much and wouldn't let him rest. When the nurse came in at six o'clock to do her morning checks she found Steve sitting up against the pillows looking miserable and wide awake. Seeing Steve so out of sorts she felt sorry for the young man and as she took his pulse she spoke to him sympathetically.

"Are you feeling ok?"

Knowing if he spoke at all he would give away the fact that he was far from ok he merely nodded and hoped that she would leave it at that but the nurse was not that easily fooled. She placed a hand on his forehead and he felt cool and clammy to the touch.

"Your pulse is a bit fast. You didn't have a very good night. Did you? You were very restless. Let's just take that temperature of yours." and reaching for the thermometer she placed it under Steve's tongue.

After a few moments she took the reading. It was normal. But she was still concerned about how quiet and shaky he seemed to be.

"Do you think you could stomach some breakfast for me?"

The last thing Steve felt like doing was eating so he immediately protested

"No. I'm really not very hungry. Maybe later."

However he instantly regretted his words as Dr. Armstrong appeared around the corner and stood at the end of his bed reading his chart.

"Steve. Steve! What are you doing to me? I'm trying to discharge you later and here you are not sleeping and not eating. Lets have a look at you."

The Doctor gave Steve a complete check up and sat back on the bed beside him.

"Well Steve, physically you're in great shape. Your temperature is normal again, your lungs are still clear but it's up here I'm worried about" he said tapping Steve's temple in the same way Mike often did.

"Steve, what happened to you yesterday was pretty traumatic. You need to talk it out. Why don't I give Lenny Murchison a call? Huh? That's what he's there for. It's his job Steve."

Steve looked horrified at the doctor and immediately protested.

"Doc, I don't need to talk to Lenny. I'm fine. It's nothing I can't handle."

Patting Steve's shoulder sympathetically the doctor persisted.

"Steve, it's on the chart here that you had a panic attack yesterday afternoon. Are you telling me that you're not having flashbacks?"

Looking slightly embarrassed he answered.

"Yes, I had a panic attack but I talked it out with Mike and I felt better. And the only reason I couldn't sleep last night was because I slept too much yesterday afternoon so I wasn't tired. I'll eat something later on. I'm just not hungry right now! Come on Doc. You said that physically I'm fine. Sign the papers will you please? Let me out of here. Huh?"

Dr. Armstrong studied Steve for a few minutes making Steve feel very uncomfortable.

"Steve. Did you have any flashbacks last night at all? And I want you to be honest with me now."

"No ... well maybe once. When the little girl's grandparents came to see me but I rang Mike. You can ask him if you like? I can deal with it Doc honest! But lying in this bed isn't going to make them go away either."

"Ok. You've got a point. But I want you to eat something before I discharge you. Got it? You have from now until twelve to eat something! If you manage it I'll discharge you. Ok? Now try to rest and I'll call back later after my rounds. Take it easy Steve."

And with that he watched the Doctor leave the room followed by the nurse.

Lying back against the pillows, he sighed and thought about what the rest of the day would bring and shuddered involuntarily at the prospect. As Steve lay there thinking he closed his eyes and expected more flashbacks but instead different memories came to his mind. They were very vivid, almost as if he was watching them on a tv screen in his head. Only this time they were of a different time and place and they weren't frightening memories but comforting ones. He wondered what made them come to mind now of all times but as he recalled them he soon understood their significance.

He was only about five and a half years old in these memories and a mere slip of a lad. His parents had died and he had just been told that he was to go and live with his Grandfather. He had visited his Grandfather many times but they would not have been very close. Now he was to go and live with him. Steve remembered that it was a scary time. A time of uncertainty. He didn't remember much about the funeral except vague images of black clad elderly ladies pinching his cheeks, some telling him how adorable he was and some standing over him with pity in their eyes and going on about the "poor boy" and "whatever will become of him?". He did remember that every time he'd been cornered by the said women his Grandfather had rescued him and taken him off somewhere quiet.

Then came the day he was to move in with his Grandfather. He remembered feeling sick as he left his home in the town. He remembered sadly leaving his bedroom and all the familiarity behind. He recalled the upset of seeing the "for sale" sign in the garden as they left for the last time and the last view of his old house through the back window of his aunt's car as they drove away. Arriving at his Grandfather's place he recalled his fear of the unknown. His grandfather lived on the outskirts of Modesto out in the middle of nowhere in an old ramshackle house. He was shown to his room and as he tried to settle in he heard his aunt discussing him with his Grandfather.

"Very quiet and withdrawn." were the words she used. "How awful it had been for him." "Would he manage the boy?"had been her next question. But the hardest thing for Steve came that night when unlike living in the town as night fell everything was pitch black outside. Looking out his bedroom window the only thing he could see was his reflection staring back at him. It was like nothing he had ever experienced before. His Grandfather had prepared a simple meal and they had eaten it in silence although he could feel his Grandfather studying him as he ate. That night as he got into bed and his Grandfather had said goodnight and shut the door Steve had burrowed under the covers terrified of his new surroundings. The terrible darkness and the different sounds of his new home petrified him and just like now Steve never talked about his fears but bottled them up instead, choosing to cry himself to sleep for those first few nights. The days had dragged on mostly in silence as he helped his Grandfather with his daily chores.

It was only on around the fourth night that things had changed. After his Grandfather had tucked him in and said goodnight and left the room and Steve had burrowed under the covers in his own private hell, he had heard the bedroom door reopen. Not daring to move, a hand had removed his cover and his Grandfather had stood looking sympathetically down at his tear streaked face. Then reaching out a kindly hand towards him his Grandfather had spoken softly.

"Come with me Steve. I want to show you something."

Steve was reluctant to leave his safe haven but something about his Grandfather exuded trust and so he had taken the old man's hand and followed him. It was only when his Grandfather had opened the front door to bring him outside that Steve had protested and his Grandfather had picked him up and carried him outside onto the porch. Sitting on the swing chair on the porch with Steve on his lap, Steve had kept his face buried in the old man's shoulder afraid of the darkness around him but his Grandfather encouraged him to look and showed him the star filled sky. Suddenly things hadn't seemed so dark at all. He told the young boy that two of those stars were his parents always watching over him and that the moon was his very own nightlight! Steve had watched in awe as his Grandfather told him countless stories until the early hours of the morning until eventually Steve had gotten sleepy and begun to yawn. He remembered how his Grandfather had smiled and as he had laid his head down on his Grandfather's shoulder sleepily how his Grandfather's bushy white beard had tickled his forehead.

Then his Grandfather had reached behind the swing chair and produced a gold gift bag. It was the type of bag, that as a child you just knew it held something special and he hadn't been wrong. His Grandfather had given him a special gift. He had told him that with it he would never be scared or lonely again and in the weeks, months and years that followed he had been right. Steve went from a quiet insecure five-year old to a confident and talkative companion for the old man and he had learned so much from his Grandfather about life. Their relationship had grown and blossomed and they became the best of friends up to the day his Grandfather had sadly passed away.

Suddenly as Steve came back to the present and opened his eyes he knew exactly what he had to tell Ruby. Thanks to his late Grandfather and his revisited memories he knew exactly what he had to do. Suddenly he didn't feel anxious anymore. He felt confident and nostalgic and reaching over he rang the bell for the nurse. As she arrived into Steve's room she noticed that the young man in the bed was looking a little better and wondered what had caused the sudden change of mood.

"I think that maybe I could eat some breakfast now if that's ok?" Steve asked the astonished nurse.

"Of course ..." the nurse flustered. "I'll go and get it for you right away."

Steve thanked her and as she left the room he looked up at the clock and saw that it was just gone eight thirty. Knowing Mike's meeting with Tommy Jefferson was at nine and knowing Mike as well as he felt he did, he reckoned Mike would be in his office early to prepare for the meeting so taking his chances he picked up the phone receiver and dialled Mike's office number. Sure enough Mike picked up very quickly.

"Homicide. Stone!"

"Good morning Mike. It's Steve."

"Steve! How are you feeling today buddy boy? "

"Fine thanks Mike! I should be let out at around noon but listen ... I need you to do me a favour please?"

Mike was intrigued.

"Sure buddy boy. Name it."

"When you drop by my place later and collect some clothes for me I need you to go to my closet in the bedroom. Up on the top shelf right at the back you'll find a gold gift bag all wrapped up. Can you bring it with you to the hospital please?"

Mike was very curious what was in the bag and why he needed it but that was just the detective in him he reckoned. Respecting the fact that Steve would tell him in his own good time what it was for and why he needed it he ventured instead.

"Sure Steve. No problem. Sounds like you have a plan in mind for later. Huh buddy boy?"

"Yeah Mike. I think I do. Do you know what you're going to do about Tommy yet?"

"Yeah. I think I've figured it out. I'll tell you how it went when I see you later. See you around twelve Steve."

"Ok. Thanks Mike. See you later."

Steve hung up and for the first time in the last twenty-four hours he felt back in control and actually even a bit hungry. So he lay back and waited for his breakfast to arrive, suddenly looking forward to seeing Ruby later and hoping he could pull off what his Grandfather had expertly, over twenty-four years ago.

**Meanwhile back at Bryant Street...**

Mike had arrived at the office just before eight am. He had rung the hospital before he left home at seven-thirty and inquired about Steve. The nurse had told him about the restless night that Steve had spent and Mike had been very worried. However after receiving Steve's phone call, he was pleased that Steve had sounded very optimistic and upbeat and appeared to be in better form than the last time he had heard from him. He wasn't as concerned about his young partner as he had been earlier and was pleased that for the moment he could now fully concentrate on his meeting with young Jefferson.

Mike sat in his office waiting for the young rookie to arrive. Thinking of how things had panned out yesterday and how close he had come to losing his partner, his blood started to boil again! However remembering what Steve had talked to him about yesterday afternoon, he knew that in order to remain unbiased he had to keep his feelings out of the way due to his close personal involvement in the incident. Glancing up at the clock in his office he saw that it was just gone eight fifty am. Standing up and leaving his office he poured himself a cup of coffee, put a dime in the tin and went back in and sat down and waited.

At eight fifty-three am Mike saw the young rookie police officer enter the bullpen. He was quite tall with a head of blonde hair and appeared to be very nervous and with very good reason Mike thought to himself! Approaching Mike's office he knocked quietly on the door.

"COME IN!" Mike bellowed and as the young officer entered he added. "Close the door and take a seat Jefferson!"

Tommy closed the door and sat down opposite Mike as requested. Mike remained quiet, glaring at the young man in front of him. Tommy felt very uncomfortable under Mike's fiery glare. Stammering slightly he spoke first.

"Lieutenant, I know you have every right to be angry with me for what I did yesterday but could I please explain something first before you judge my actions? Please?"

Mike continued to glare at the young man and after a few more seconds he answered.

"Sure! GO AHEAD! Enlighten me!"

Swallowing hard, the young officer fidgeted in his seat and began to explain.

"Lieutenant. I didn't hear the "no fire" order." Then seeing Mike's temper rise he quickly continued. "I know that sounds like a ridiculous excuse but please let me explain. Me and my partner were called to the docks on a robbery call. My partner was interviewing the owner and I came back to the car to call it in and get a forensic team dispatched when I overheard the pursuit. I realized it was heading in my direction so I blocked the way and took up position. Everything happened so fast! But I swear Lieutenant I didn't know there were hostages or that you had issued a "no fire" order. I know I should have clarified the details of the pursuit through dispatch and I know what I did was stupid and you have every right to be mad. I'll take whatever punishment you give me but I'm begging you Lieutenant Stone. Don't mark my record over this one stupid thoughtless mistake. I've never done anything reckless like this before and if you give me just one more chance I promise it will never happen again. Please!"

Tommy Jefferson finished talking and looked nervously at Mike. Mike had listened to Tommy's side of things and remained quiet throughout. His facial expression remained unreadable and finally breaking the silence he leaned back in his chair and spoke.

"You finished?"

Jefferson nodded his head and his shoulders slumped feeling ashamed and uneasy and he had a feeling that he was about to face the infamous wrath of Lieutenant Michael Stone.

"Tommy. I've listened to your side of the story. Now you need to listen to mine. What you did yesterday endangered not only the lives of innocent civilians but the lives of the police officers that aided in their rescue! If you didn't hear the "no fire" order it means you didn't bother to find out if there was one! You thought you'd catch the perp and be a big shot! That's what happened! Well let me tell you this! This department doesn't need big shots who think they can do things better than the rest of us! The best cops in this department are the team players! Like your father! Now I'm going to be honest with you. If it had been up to me for the stunt that you pulled yesterday I'd have thrown the book at you! I don't care for rogue cops. They're dangerous and they get decent cops and civilians killed!..."

Mike paused to catch his breath and glared at young Jefferson. Tommy was distinctly uncomfortable and was visibly sweating. He fidgeted and squirmed in his seat after the heated rant of his Lieutenant knowing full well that things didn't auger well for him on the basis of Mike's confessed feelings for the rookie. Before he got a chance to reply Mike continued slightly more calmly.

"However ... you've had a lot of people speaking up for you. Your Sergeant was on the phone to me this morning telling me how out of character what you did yesterday was and filling me in on your exemplary arrest record and attention to detail. I had Bill out there pleading your case too" Mike said pointing out to Bill Tanner's desk. "He reckons you deserve a second chance. You know his father was a first-rate cop too and he went through all the ribbing and the comparisons that you're going through right now. Only he dealt with it the right way! The only way to live up to your Dad's reputation Jefferson is through hard work and team work! Only then will you gain people's respect and recognition. Even Steve spoke up for you! And he nearly died because of you! So for those reasons and those reasons alone I have to believe that there is hope for you to succeed in this Department rookie! So I'm giving you an option other than suspension which as you know would go on your file ... I coach basketball for kids on a Tuesday and Thursday evening from six-thirty to seven-thirty in the Sports Hall. You're going to pitch in and help me for the next six weeks! And Art out there volunteers in a soup kitchen down town for the homeless every Saturday morning. You're going to help him too for the next six weeks! You can call it community service if you like! On top of that you're going to do a six-week fire arm safety course and I want you to talk to Bill Tanner and see how he coped with being a cop's son! There you have it! My terms or two weeks disciplinary suspension. Which one would you prefer?"

Jefferson knew that Mike had every reason to throw the book at him yet he was grateful to the older man for the second chance to make things right therefore he accepted Mike's terms readily without a second thought and with deep emotion in his voice he answered.

"Your terms gladly. Thank you Sir! I really appreciate the second chance and I promise I won't let you down again. You'll see! I'll prove to you that I can be a team player just as much as the rest." and standing up he shook Mike's hand thankfully.

Mike shook his hand but also wagged a finger in his direction.

"You better not let me down Jefferson! I'm trusting you now! And don't get me wrong if you EVER pull a stunt like that again the next time you come into this office there won't be anymore second chances! I'll come down on you like a ton of bricks! Do I make myself clear rookie?"

"Yes Sir! Perfectly Sir! Don't worry! It won't happen again."

"Alright then. Your sergeant will fill you in on the details of the course you are to attend. And I'll see you on Tuesday evening at six-thirty pm in the Sports Hall. Ok? Don't be late! You can talk to Art and Bill on your way out. That will be all Jefferson."

"Sure. No problem. I'll be there. Thanks again Sir!" and the young man turned to leave but as he got to the door he turned back around.

"Lieutenant? Just one more thing! How are Steve and the two civilians?"

Mike could see genuine concern on the young man's face and put him at his ease.

"They're ok. The little girl is traumatized. She hasn't spoken yet but the doctors are hopeful that she'll recover in time. The mother and Steve are doing fine. As a matter of fact I'll be picking him up from the hospital at around noon."

The young man looked down, saddened by the news of the little girl's condition, knowing he had been responsible for it. Looking back at Mike he replied.

"Tell Steve thanks for what he did will you please? If he hadn't jumped in and rescued them like he did I never would have forgiven myself. I hope the little girl recovers too. I've learnt my lesson Lieutenant. You can believe that!"

"Ok Tommy. I will. I'll see you on Tuesday. You can leave the door open on your way out!"

Jefferson nodded and left Mike's office stopping at Bill's desk on his way out. Mike saw the young man conversing with Bill and Art and reckoned he had made the right decision. Besides everyone deserves a second chance! Then glancing at the clock he saw it was just ten forty am. If he left now he would have plenty of time to get to Steve's place and pick up his things and make it back to the hospital before noon so tidying up his desk he fetched his trench coat and fedora and saying his goodbyes to the other detectives he headed out of the bullpen and down to the car.


	8. Chapter 8

**Going Under**

Chapter 8 :

Mike headed for Steve's apartment and using Steve's spare set of keys he let himself in. He went straight to Steve's bedroom and opening his closet he found a hold all bag at the bottom. Placing it up on the bed he went and gathered up a fresh set of clothes for Steve and placed them in the bag and then he fetched Steve's shaving gear, his toilet bag and a towel from the bathroom and placed them in the bag too just in case Steve wanted to freshen up before his meeting with Ruby. He remembered that Steve's jacket and shoes were already at the hospital and hadn't been destroyed by the Bay water so he didn't need to bring those. Then zipping up the bag ready to bring to the hospital Mike turned his attention to the favour Steve had asked.

Returning to Steve's closet he reached up to the top shelf. He pushed some things aside and looked for anything resembling a gold gift bag. As he rummaged a small box fell off the shelf and although Mike made a grab for it, he missed it and it spilled its contents down onto the carpet. Cursing himself for his clumsiness he bent down to put the items back into the box and paused momentarily. There were photographs and what looked like memorabilia on the floor. Picking up the pictures he saw that they were of a young boy and an older man. Although the boy was no more than maybe six or seven in some of the pictures Mike knew he'd recognize that smile anywhere! It was Steve. Mike didn't know who the older man was but assumed it was his Grandfather. He was a tall pleasant-looking man with white hair and a bushy white beard and glasses. The older man had one arm around the young boys shoulders protectively and the young boy was smiling up at him. It was a touching photograph. Mike smiled as he looked at it but then suddenly he felt awkward prying though Steve's private stuff so without further ado he gathered up the rest of the photos carefully without looking at them and placed them back in the box. There was a gold ring and a pocket watch too. Mike marvelled a little at the pocket watch as his own father had one just like it and then quickly returned everything back to the box and making sure nothing was left on the floor he returned it to the top shelf.

Still having no success finding the gold gift bag and not wanting to disappoint Steve, Mike went and retrieved a chair from the kitchen and bringing it into the bedroom he stood up on it, at the closet so he could get a better look. Sure enough, tucked right in towards the back was a gold gift bag lovingly wrapped in cellophane. Reaching in Mike pulled it from its hiding place and as he did so a cloud of dust rose from it causing Mike to sneeze twice loudly in quick succession. Mike knew then, that whatever was in the bag hadn't been disturbed for a very long time. Gently taking it down from the shelf he brought it outside the front door to the top of the steps and carefully blew whatever dust was left on it away. Then he unwrapped the cellophane and found the gift bag inside. The cellophane had protected the inner package very well. Mike was tempted to look inside the sealed gift bag to see what was inside but not wanting to break Steve's trust he resisted the urge and heading back inside he scooped up the hold all bag and made sure everything was secure before he locked the front door and took the two items with him down to the car. Placing the bags carefully on the passenger seat he then sat into the driver seat and checked his watch. It was just gone eleven twenty. The day was starting to heat up but there was a refreshing sea breeze coming off the bay. Starting up the engine Mike drove off in the direction of the hospital and began to wonder what the rest of the day would bring.

**Meanwhile back at San Francisco General...**

Steve had managed to eat most of his breakfast and was anxious to have a shower. As Mike hadn't arrived with his clean clothes yet the nurse had kindly procured him more hospital issue pyjamas and a fresh towel and it felt good to Steve to stand under the shower spray and allow the hot water to wash the remnants of San Francisco Bay from his hair and body. Feeling clean and refreshed Steve returned to his room. His hair was still damp from his shower. He had towel dried it as best he could but arriving back to his room he retrieved his comb from his jacket hanging in the closet and he used it to tame his hair back to some semblance of normality. Then he lay back down on the bed and waited for Mike to arrive. Looking at the clock it was just gone eleven. As he lay there, the restless night and the relaxing shower started to catch up on him and he found his eyelids closing as he drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

He didn't even hear the Doctor and nurse arrive forty minutes later and as they stood at the end of his bed the nurse filled the doctor in quietly on how Steve had eaten well, had managed his shower fine and had seemed in a more positive frame of mind. The Doctor was pleased that Steve was also finally getting some rest too and asked the nurse to get his discharge papers ready for signing. As the nurse left, the Doctor quietly came along side Steve's bed and gently took Steve's pulse while he slept. He was pleased to find that it was slow and steady and that Steve was showing no signs of tormented flashbacks while he slept. Just then the door opened and as Mike Stone appeared, Dr. Armstrong turned and alerted Mike to the fact that Steve was sleeping. As Mike approached the bed he became concerned that something had happened and looked at the Doctor anxiously. Seeing Mike's concern he quickly guided Mike back away from the bed and spoke quietly so as not to disturb the sleeping man.

"Relax Mike. He's fine. He's just tired. I'm happy to discharge him. He's in good physical shape, his temperature is back to normal, his breathing is normal and he's eating fine. He just had a restless night that's all. I'd let him sleep. When he wakes up himself, he can go home. His papers will be at the nurses station. Just keep an eye on him for a few days for signs of post traumatic stress. Ok? I'll see you Mike. And tell him I don't want to see him in my emergency room for a while. Will you please?" the doctor added smiling.

Mike grinned back relieved that Steve was ok and shook the Doctor's hand.

"Oh I will. You can count on that! Thanks Doc."

And with that the Doctor left and Mike took a seat beside Steve's bed and placed the bags on the floor beside him.

It was just after twelve forty-five when Steve began to show signs of waking. Facing the window,when he fell asleep the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was the afternoon sun beaming through the blinds. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes he turned and stretched and covered his mouth as he yawned. Then seeing something out of the corner of his eye he turned his head and saw Mike sitting quietly in the chair beside his bed grinning broadly.

"Well, hello sleepy head!" Mike teased.

Sitting up abruptly, Steve smiled back and still half asleep replied drowsily.

"Mike! How long have you been here? You should have woken me."

"Well, you were fast asleep. I didn't want to disturb you besides the Doc said to let you sleep on account of the fact that you had a restless night last night. Couldn't you sleep last night buddy boy?"

"No, not much. What time is it?" Steve said stifling another enormous yawn.

"It's just ten to one."

"Ten to one?" Steve said not realizing he had dozed for that long and hopping off the bed. "Mike! Why didn't you tell me it was that late? Did you bring my clothes? Has the Doctor signed my discharge papers yet?" Steve asked getting flustered.

Rising from his chair Mike placed his two hands on the young man's shoulders.

"Steve! Will you relax! Yes I brought your clothes! They're in the hold all bag by the chair and yes the Doctor said that your papers are ready at the nurses' station and that you were free to go when you woke up. Ok? So calm down now. Alright? There's no need to get all fired up. I'll go get your papers while you get dressed. Ok buddy boy?"

"Ok Mike. Thanks. And you're right. I'm sorry! I just want to get out of here. This place drives me a little crazy. Every minute in here is like an hour!"

Mike chuckled and patted his shoulders.

"I know. I'll be back in a few minutes. Get yourself dressed. Ok?"

"Ok Mike."

Mike left and headed to the nurses station while Steve dressed into a trousers, shirt and his jacket. He was going to put on the tie and then changed his mind instead choosing to leave the top button open not feeling like being too constricted after yesterday's turn of events. Then when he was dressed and had put his socks and shoes on he spotted the gold gift bag. Noting that Mike hadn't returned yet he sat down on the bed and carefully opened the sealed gift bag. He knew it was foolish but he felt almost apprehensive opening it and when he reached in and pulled out the item inside he sat staring at it and his breath caught in his throat. So many memories assaulted his brain all at once and the raw emotion those memories evoked threatened to choke him. He held the item and closely examined it. It was in fairly good condition all things considered and he knew that thankfully it would serve its purpose nicely. As he ran his fingers over it he remembered the first time his Grandfather had given it to him and felt strangely attached to it. A very brief moment of doubt made him wonder if he would be able to part with it but then thinking about Ruby and what the right thing to do was, he quickly dispelled any doubt he had and before any more sentimentality could cloud his judgement he smiled at the item one more time before placing it carefully back into the gift bag and sealing it again.

He felt slightly emotional and a little shaken after seeing it again after such a long time and could feel tears starting to appear in his eyes as he remembered his Grandfather who he loved and missed so much. But just then Mike knocked on the door and shouted out.

"Steve! It's only Mike. Are you decent yet?"

Not wanting Mike to see him upset, Steve cleared his throat and called back.

"Just a minute!"

Then quickly Steve rubbed any trace of moisture from his eyes and then getting off the bed, he grabbed his shaving gear and hurried across the room. Checking how he looked in the mirror over the hand basin in the room, he then plugged in his razor and shouted out to Mike a second time.

"Ok Mike. You can come in!" then he turned on the razor and proceeded to shave the stubble from his chin.

The first time Steve had called out to him Mike had sensed upset in the young man's voice and was slightly anxious so when he had called out the second time for him to come in, he hurried in the door. Steve was standing at the hand basin shaving when Mike came in but seeing that the gift bag had been moved from the floor up onto the bed Mike wondered if that had been the cause of his upset. Not quite knowing whether he should mention it or not Mike decided on a different tactic instead.

"You ok buddy boy?"

"Yeah. I'm fine. Thanks for bringing my razor and my clothes"he answered then seeing Mike in the mirror watching him closely and looking at the gift bag on the bed he added. "You found it ok huh?"

"Yes. It was fairly dusty though. It must have been up there a long time eh buddy boy!"

"Yeah. It was something my Grandfather gave me a long time ago. I thought it might help Ruby."

"You and your Grandfather must have been very close huh?"

Again Steve looked at Mike in the mirror as he shaved and finishing quickly he turned off the razor and answered.

"Yeah, we were. He was a very wise man. I guess after my parents died he became both parents to me. I owe him a lot." Steve said almost sadly.

"You know I have a confession to make Steve. When I was reaching up in your closet a small box fell off the top shelf. I tried to grab it but I missed and it emptied out onto the floor. I just put all the things back in though and put it straight back up where it came from but I couldn't help but notice that the pictures were of you as a boy. I hope you don't think I'm prying buddy boy but was the man with you in them your Grandfather? He seemed like a fine man!"

Steve moved back towards the bed and proceeded to put his razor away in his bag and answered without catching Mike's eye.

"Yeah. It was. My aunt gave me that box after he passed away. He'd kept all those photographs of the two of us and aswell as leaving me money to help me out with going to college he left me his wedding ring and his pocket watch too."

"Steve? How come you never talk about your childhood much? You know as your partner these last couple of years I know you like sunflower seeds and healthy foods. I know you HATE anchovies and you prefer not having chilli for breakfast! I know you like swimming and skiing, fancy clothes and nice cars! I know you're a first class marksman and an excellent cop. I know you care about people and that you have a good heart. But I don't know very much about your life before I met you at all. Oh I know what's in your file but that's about it. Why are you so guarded about your past and why do you always feel you have to hide your feelings and your pain from everyone?"

Steve finished packing and had listened to Mike's words carefully. He smiled at the first part especially when Mike threw in about the anchovies and his dislike for chilli for breakfast but by the time he had finished his smile had faded and he sat down heavily on the bed as Mike came and sat down beside him. Looking up at his partner he answered quietly.

"I don't know Mike! It's not like I don't have some real happy memories because I do but sometimes the bad ones kind of block the good ones out. You know? As for my feelings I guess I've always done that. I just prefer to deal with my problems in my own way and not spread the misery around so to speak. " Then wanting desperately to steer the conversation in a different direction he ran a hand through his hair nervously and quickly added. " Ok! I think I have everything packed. Lets go see Ruby. You get the release papers ok?"

Knowing full well that Steve had just diverted the conversation Mike decided to drop it for now seeing as the boy had enough to contend with the last twenty-four hours and knowing that he was anxious about how the meeting with Ruby was going to go, he let Steve off the hook and replied.

"Yes. I have your papers right here. You're a free man again buddy boy! Oh and the Doc told me to tell you that you are to stay out of his ER for the foreseeable future!" Mike teased wagging his finger at the young man.

Steve smiled again.

"Well I shall certainly do my best to make that one happen!"

Then picking up his hold all bag and the gift bag he quickly scanned the room to make sure he had left nothing behind and then exiting with Mike he thanked the nurse gratefully for everything she had done for him and then they made their way down to the first floor.

As they stepped out of the elevator Mike heard Steve take a deep breath and saw him rubbing his chin something he always did when he was deep in thought or slightly ill at ease and wondered for a brief moment if indeed he was even up to meeting Ruby yet so he placed a hand on Steve's shoulder and spoke sympathetically.

"You know buddy boy. You don't have to do this today if you're not up to it. Maybe we should get you home to catch up on some sleep first before you go see the little girl. Huh? What do you think?"

Steve turned and smiled at Mike grateful for his understanding and concern but seeing Ruby was something he had to do and he didn't want to put it off any longer. So instead he swallowed back his nerves and any apprehension he felt and answered Mike confidently.

"No Mike. Thanks but I want to go see her now ... but ... you're coming with me aren't you?" Steve asked licking his lips which had seemed to suddenly turn dry.

"Are you kidding ? Of course I'm coming with you! You don't think I'm going to let you do this alone do you? Lead the way buddy boy!" Mike said teasingly as Steve smiled, relieved that Mike was tagging along and they both headed for the nurses station to inquire about Ruby's room number and whether she was up to visitors or not.


	9. Chapter 9

**Going Under**

Chapter 9 :

**A/N: I just wanted to say a warm word of thanks to all those who have read and reviewed my story so far. Your kind words and encouragement remain my constant inspiration and give me the motivation to write more. I hope you have all been enjoying it. This chapter finally sees the emotional meeting between Steve and Ruby and reveals the contents of the mystery Gold gift bag that many of you have been eagerly waiting for! **

At the nurses station they had informed Mike and Steve that Ruby Vaccaro was in room 301 just at the end of the corridor and that the girl's mother and grandparents were down there with her. Due to the little girl's trauma the doctor had advised only short visits so that she could rest and not be tired out too much. Thanking the nurse for her help the two men headed in the direction they had been sent and about two doors away Steve stopped suddenly and hesitated in the corridor as a sudden wave of anxiety washed over him. Not only were her family there to witness his visit, now he had been informed that he was working on a limited time frame and for a brief moment panic, doubt and worry grabbed at his heart. Feeling a panic attack start as his heart began to race, Steve knew enough to breathe deep and prevent it from taking hold, at least it had worked the last time and he prayed it would again.

Mike had been just a step or two behind his partner and when Steve had stopped suddenly he had almost crashed into the young man, but thanks to quick reflexes he had stepped to the side at the last minute avoiding a collision. However as he wondered what had caused Steve's sudden stop, he heard Steve breathing deeply and saw the colour almost drain from his face. Worried and knowing how anxious he was about this visit he put a supportive hand on Steve's shoulder.

"Come on buddy boy. You can do this! Ok?"

Thankful for the companionship and support Steve answered shakily managing with difficulty to get his breathing back under control.

"Thanks Mike. But what if seeing me doesn't help? What then?"

"Then like I said. You'll have at least tried. Right? Here give me your hold all bag. I'll take that for you."

"Yeah. Ok." and handing Mike the brown leather hold all bag and steeling himself once more he continued on to room 301 with Mike following closely behind.

When they reached the room they both noticed the door was wide open and going to the open door Steve knocked quietly on it. A young woman came to the door that Steve immediately recognized as Susan Vaccaro. Susan didn't immediately recognize him but after a few seconds she gasped and placed a hand over her mouth at the emotion seeing him evoked. Grasping his hand firmly she spoke quietly and very emotionally as a tear escaped from her eye and ran down her cheek.

"You came! Thank you! For everything you did for us and for coming to see her. Are ... you ok?"

The outpouring of emotion that seeing him had provoked in Susan Vaccaro did nothing to ease his worry that the same wouldn't happen when Ruby saw him but that aside, it had caused his own emotions to fray a little at the edges aswell.

"Hi. Yes I'm ok and you're welcome. How are you and Ruby doing?"

"I'm ok too but Ruby still isn't talking. She draws pictures and points but we can't get her to speak ... I would be grateful if you could try?" Susan said as fresh tears fell down her face.

"Sure. Would it be ok if I gave her a gift? It's just something I thought might help her."

"Of course! That's very thoughtful of you. Come on! I'll introduce you two." and with that Susan Vaccaro quickly brushed the tears from her eyes and seemed to bring a mask down over her face with a pretend smile attached, something that Steve reckoned she had done a lot over the course of the last twenty-four hours and then taking Steve by the hand she guided him into the room.

Steve looked behind him checking that Mike was still there and sure enough he nodded at Steve and stood just inside the door leaning against the wall as he silently prayed that this visit would bring healing to all of them. Joseph and Maria da Silva saw the young man enter from where they both stood at the window and the grandmother gasped and covered her mouth to cover her sobs as they both nodded gratefully at Steve for his visit. Steve nodded back and then turned his attention back to Ruby.

She was lying back against propped up pillows staring blankly into space. There was a hospital tray over her bed with numerous pictures that she had drawn on it and a box of crayons scattered on it too. She had long blonde hair that lay loosely around her on the pillows and as her mother approached the bed with her visitor she never moved. Susan gestured for Steve to sit at the end of her bed and then gently reached over and touched her little girl's shoulder.

"Sweetheart ... look whose come to see you! Ruby honey!"

The little girl turned at the sound of her mother's voice and stared at the young man sitting at the end of her bed. At first she didn't seem to recognize him but the way she stared at him made Steve very uneasy. However he smiled kindly at the little girl and spoke softly.

"Hi Ruby. My name is Steve Keller ... Do you remember me?"

Then suddenly she sat bolt upright in the bed startling everyone in the room and started frantically searching through the pictures on her hospital tray. Steve's heart started pounding wildly in his chest as he feared she might be reacting badly to his presence and he looked at the little girl's mother and then back at Mike frantically looking for guidance. Mike gestured to him to be calm and wait it out and so with slightly renewed courage he turned back towards Ruby. Finally her searching stopped and finding a certain picture she handed it towards Steve and pointed frantically at it. Leaning forward he saw that the picture was the one her Grandparents had told him about. It was the underwater picture and she was pointing at the superhero and then pointed at him. She looked questioningly at him. Steve smiled again if somewhat nervously and spoke softly.

"Yeah. That's me but I'm afraid ... I don't have a cape and I'm no superhero. I'm just a regular police officer. You know a lot of people are worried about you. What happened yesterday ... well it was pretty scary ... I know that. But that bad man can't hurt you anymore. And we're all ok. Right?"

The little girl pointed to the driver in her picture that she had portrayed as a monster and looked questioningly at Steve again.

"Yeah ... that bad man. He can't hurt you any more."

Then Ruby stared at Steve again as tears came to her eyes and she knelt up on the bed and reaching forward she grabbed Steve's hand almost sympathetically. Almost whimpering she pointed to the monster driver again with her free hand and then she reached down and grabbed Steve's leg briefly and came back up as tears rolled down her cheeks. Steve's breath caught in his throat as he suddenly realized what had caused the little girl to panic yesterday. Dear God! She had seen the driver grab Steve's leg. No wonder she had panicked and struggled. Steve felt his own emotions waver and desperately tried to pull himself together in order to help Ruby. No-one else in the room seemed to be aware of what was going on except Mike who also had figured out that the little girl had witnessed what Steve had told him had happened. Squeezing Steve's hand tight Ruby sensed Steve's upset and put a small hand against his cheek as if she was trying to share the trauma they both had suffered. Reaching up and taking her hand from his cheek he squeezed it back and spoke very shakily.

"You saw that huh?"

Ruby nodded. And then suddenly let go of Steve's hand and grabbing up a black crayon she started angrily drawing over the monster in the picture as if she was trying to obliterate any memory of him from her picture and her mind. Everyone in the room gasped audibly as the little girl released her pent-up frustration on the picture. Reaching over gently Steve placed his hand over hers and stilled her movement then placing his other hand on her chin he lifted her face to look at him gently.

"Hey, hey I think he's gone now. Don't you?"

"The little girl stopped and seemed to calm down a little and her whimpering gradually died down. Then picking up another page she wrote two letters O and K and a question mark and pointed at Steve.

Steve smiled sweetly and answered.

"Yeah. I'm ok. I know it was scary and I know that those bad memories are hard to get rid of. Believe me! I have scary memories too but actually that's the other reason I called to see you. I came to ask you a favour?"

The little girl looked up curiously at Steve and his statement seemed to distract her from her misery for just a moment. Noting this he took a deep breath and continued.

"You see I have this special friend and ... well I'm not really able to look after him anymore and I hoped that maybe you could take care of him for me? You see when I was just a bit younger than you are now some bad and scary things happened to me too ... and like you I didn't talk very much. I went to live with my Grandfather for a while and he gave me this special friend as a gift and he told me that as long as I had him I'd never be scared or lonely again. Would you like to meet him?"

As Steve talked to Ruby everyone in the room stayed absolutely quiet and you could almost hear a pin drop. Mike felt a lump appear in his throat as he heard the pain in Steve's voice and he knew how difficult it was for Steve to share such personal details in front of so many people. He felt very proud of the boy and hoped that his courage wouldn't leave him. However he remained on alert ready to help if he was needed. Ruby had stayed staring at Steve and listening with great interest to what Steve had said to her and nodded her head eagerly in answer to Steve's question. So reaching down beside him he picked up the gold gift bag and brought it up onto the bed in front of Ruby. Ruby's eyes lit up when she saw the bag glistening from the sun's rays as they streamed in the hospital window and Steve saw her face and remembered having the same reaction as the moon's rays had lit it up twenty-four years ago. So far things were going according to plan and Steve just hoped that his luck would hold out. With slightly shaking hands Steve opened the sealed gift bag and knowing that Ruby was watching his every move with great curiosity and anticipation he carefully lifted out the item inside very slowly just as his Grandfather had done all those years ago.

Ruby's jaw dropped as Steve produced the medium-sized furry, cute looking teddy bear and sat it on the bed in front of her. She smiled from ear to ear and put out a hand and felt its soft fur. Steve watched Ruby's reaction to it and momentarily forgot that there were other people in the room with him. With renewed courage he continued.

"Now he's fairly old because I've had him a long time and he's been hugged a whole lot ... but he's in fairly good condition for his age. His ear is a little torn and he needs a bit of tender loving care because like I told you I haven't had much time lately to give him the care he needs. I work long hours as a police officer you know ... Now he might look like just another ordinary teddy bear but ... and this is just between you and me and the people in this room ... my Grandfather told me that he is actually a magic teddy bear!"

Ruby smiled and looked disbelievingly at Steve for a brief second so Steve quickly explained.

"Now I know what you're thinking! That's crazy right? There's no such thing. But I thought the same when my Grandfather gave him to me too! But he told me that anytime I was scared or lonely I just had to hug him really tight and he would take all my fears away! Just like that! Now I was like you and I thought "no way!" until I tried it and it really worked!"

Ruby's jaw dropped again and she looked at him amazed and then stared at the teddy bear with wonder in her eyes. Steve swallowed hard and spoke again, this time somewhat more nervously.

"Why don't you try him? Huh? All you have to do is think of something that scares you and hug him really tight and he'll make everything ok again. Just you see for yourself! " and picking up the bear he handed it gently to Ruby.

Ruby took the bear and smiled at it. Then she picked up the picture from earlier. As she stared at it Steve could see the fear in her eyes and felt for the little girl as he knew what she was going through inside her head. Then she dropped the picture and closed her eyes and hugged the bear with all her might. Everyone in the room waited with bated breath as Ruby stayed that way for a few seconds and Steve could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he prayed that it would work just as it had for him when he was a boy. "Come on Ruby ... Believe! " He thought to himself almost willing the little girl to put her faith in the cuddly toy she was holding. Then all at once Ruby opened her eyes. Everyone stared at her and Steve held his breath as Ruby's face lit up in the brightest smile he had ever seen. Then letting out the breath he had held Steve spoke again.

"See! I told you he was magic. Didn't I? So do you think you could hold onto him for me ... and you know ... take good care of him? Because in return he'll always be there for you too when you need him! I know because he got me through some pretty rough times when I was a kid so I'm counting on you. Ok?"

Ruby nodded vigorously and taking Steve's hand she shook it as a show of thanks.

Smiling back at her, their touching scene was cut short as Dr. Carter arrived at the door and spoke to those in the room.

"I'm sorry but I'm going to have to ask people to leave for a while. Ruby needs to get some rest."

Realizing that his time was up and he hadn't helped her to talk again made Steve feel sad but at least he had given her a way to get rid of her fears and worries so that was some consolation. Standing up, Steve squeezed Ruby's hand and ruffled the bear's fur one last time as it stayed locked tightly in Ruby's arms.

"I better be going. You two take care of each other now! And your Mom. Ok?"

But as he turned to leave something extraordinary happened. Ruby threw the covers off and jumped out of the bed and flung her arms around Steve's waist tightly and as silence filled the room the little girl closed her eyes tightly and emotionally uttered her first words since the incident.

"Thank ... you!"

Everyone in the room gasped. Her mother sobbed audibly and so did her Grandmother as her Grandfather placed an arm around them both as they couldn't suppress their tears of joy. Mike watched astonished as feelings of pride and relief flooded through him and tears appeared in his eyes at the touching scene playing out in front of him. Steve could barely believe his ears and his emotions that had already been fragile to start with threatened to choke him as it dawned on him that his plan had actually worked. Looking down at the little girl with tears in his eyes he replied his voice thick with emotion.

"You're welcome Ruby."

To everyone's great relief the little girl continued to speak.

"You ... never told me his name!"

"Well ... I never really gave him one ... Maybe you could do that for me too? What do you reckon he should be called? Huh?"

Ruby looked up at him and saw the tears in his eyes. Very gently she pulled his hand so that he was sitting on the bed again and back down to the same level as her. Reaching out a gentle hand she brushed a tear away from his eye and smiling broadly at him she asked.

"Steve? ... What was your Grandfather's name?"

Mike could see that Steve's emotions were hanging by a thread and started worrying about him again as he saw the young man's shoulders shake slightly. Stepping forward quickly he placed a hand on Steve's shoulder to show his support. Feeling Mike's hand on his shoulder gave Steve the small bit of courage he needed to gather his wits back about him and clearing his throat he answered as clearly as his emotions would allow.

"Harry ... His name was Harry."

"Then I think I want to call him Harry ... Would that be ok?"

The fact that Ruby wanted to name the bear after Steve's Grandfather broke Steve's last ounce of resolve and knowing that all eyes were on them at the minute he couldn't bring himself to answer without his voice betraying his emotional collapse. Feeling Steve tremble and seeing him unable to answer Mike replied for him.

"Well I think that's a swell name Ruby. I know Steve's Grandfather would be proud that you called the bear after him."

Ruby smiled sweetly up at Mike and Mike smiled back. Steve looked up at Mike grateful that he had come to his rescue and Mike squeezed his shoulder in response. It gave Steve the few minutes he needed to pull his shattered emotions back into some semblance of calm and finally feeling able to speak again he too smiled at the little girl and added.

"Mike's right Ruby. It's a good choice of name."

Studying Steve closely, Ruby figured that she understood why Steve was so upset and patting his arm in a reassuring gesture she continued softly.

"You know you can visit him whenever you like ... especially if you're missing him."

Steve was very touched by the little girl's thoughtfulness and replied.

"Well that's very kind of you Ruby ... but I don't think ..."

Before he had a chance to finish his sentence Susan Vaccaro left her father's side and came over towards them and sitting behind Ruby and pulling her into a hug with one arm she took Steve's hand in hers and in a tear filled voice she responded.

"You will always be welcome ... in our house! Thank you for everything you have done for us. I know my husband will want to thank you too when he gets home on leave."

Ruby hugged her mother back and smiled at Steve.

"See!" she said cheerfully.

"Ok. Well we'll see then." Steve answered

Ruby then called over to her Grandmother.

"Nanna, Would you be able to fix Harry's ear for us?" then turning back to Steve she explained "My Nanna is excellent at fixing things and making things."

Ruby's Grandmother tearfully replied. "Of course Ruby and I will make him a whole set of clothes too."

"Looks like Harry is getting the perfect home he deserves! " Steve chimed in and then seeing the Doctor arrive back at the door slightly annoyed that people had not left yet but obviously unaware of the breakthrough that had been made in Ruby's recovery in his absence Steve spoke to Ruby one last time. "I better go and let you get some rest. You take good care Ruby. Ok?"

But as he went to rise again Ruby one more time threw her arms around him in a hug and this time her face was sad and solemn. Seeing her troubled again Steve feared the worst and quickly questioned her.

"Hey. What's the matter honey?"

Steve didn't expect the answer he got.

"Steve? If I take your bear what will you do the next time you get scared?"

Steve's face beamed and looking Ruby straight in the eyes he whispered softly but not so softly that Mike couldn't overhear.

"That's ok Ruby. You see the man standing behind me?"

Ruby looked up again at Mike who was grinning and then back at Steve.

"Yes!"

"Well, he's my friend Mike and between you and me, he's got some of those magical powers of Harry's too."and winking at Ruby he finished" I think I'll be ok."

Ruby looked up at Mike in amazement and Mike smiled warmly back. Inside though he was deeply touched by what Steve had said and felt his own emotions fraying at the edges. Steve said his goodbyes and received more hugs, handshakes and thanks from everyone in the room. Looking back as he reached the door he saw Ruby snuggling back up in bed and tucking Harry in beside her. She waved at him and waved the bears hand too and as he waved back, the last thing he heard as he exited the door was Ruby's voice.

"Don't worry Harry. You'll see Steve again soon. I'm going to take really good care of you."


	10. Chapter 10

**Going Under**

Chapter 10 :

As Steve came out into the corridor he suddenly felt totally drained. The last twenty-four hours had been exhausting both physically and emotionally and the immense relief he felt at Ruby speaking again and the fact that he hadn't slept much last night and the whirlwind of emotions that had been reawakened regarding his childhood and his Grandfather made him feel a little light-headed and very shaky. Leaning against the wall outside Ruby's room he waited for Mike to follow but as he stood there he heard Mike in deep conversation with the child's Grandparents and reckoned he might be there for a while so feeling that he really needed to sit down for a minute he looked around and saw a bay window at the end of the corridor with two large chairs beside it. The window appeared to be open and Steve reckoned that was just what he needed right now, a seat and some fresh air! Seeing as it wasn't too far away, Steve began to make his way towards it keeping close to the wall for some support as his legs felt slightly unsteady and from somewhere deep in his skull he felt a headache building. Reaching his intended destination Steve slumped heavily into the chair and felt the cool breeze that was blowing through the open window on his face. It felt good. Steve rested his head against the back of the chair and closed his eyes briefly just wanting a few moments of peace. However his mind was racing and a dozen different flashbacks of all different memories seemed to fill his head at the same time and made his head throb as a vicious migraine took hold.

Meanwhile inside Ruby's room Mike had been anxious to follow Steve as he was worried about his partner. Steve always kept his emotions bottled up and usually let them fester but Mike truly felt that the myriad of emotions that the incident yesterday and today had evoked had overwhelmed the young man and he was struggling to keep them contained. While Steve had opened up a little over the last twenty-four hours to him Mike felt that they were just a tiny part of what was bubbling beneath the surface of Steve's normal calm exterior.

However not wanting to be rude Mike decided that he had better introduce himself seeing as he hadn't met the da Silvas or the Vaccaros before and seeing as he had just been present at a very private family moment. Introducing himself as Lieutenant Michael Stone and Steve's partner, Mike chatted with the family for several minutes and listened proudly while the family praised Steve to high heaven. Mr da Silva in particular was very vocal in his intention to request from the Commissioner that Steve be rewarded for his bravery. Mike knew how Steve felt about medals and commendations and all the fuss that they entailed but in this instance he genuinely felt that the boy deserved one so he thanked Mr da Silva for the intention. Next he went over to the bed where Susan Vaccaro was happily watching Ruby chat away to her new friend, visibly enjoying the sound of her daughter's voice again. Smiling at the happiness Steve's present to the little girl had brought her, he patted the little girl on the head.

"Bye Ruby. You rest and do what the doctors tell you now so you can bring Harry home and show him around. Ok?"

Ruby smiled up at the older man and replied.

"Ok Mike."

"RUBY!" her mother scolded at her daughter's casual use of the man's first name but Mike just chuckled and assured her mother that it was perfectly alright for her to call him Mike.

Mike said goodbye to the little girl and her mother and Susan Vaccaro walked him to the door of the room.

"Lieutenant? Will Steve really be ok? He has done so much for us but he seems so sad. I wish there was some way I could repay his kindness to us."

"Don't worry. He'll be ok. I'll keep an eye on him. I think he's mostly just tired though. And he's not really big into repayments. Seeing you and Ruby healthy and happy again will be repayment enough for Steve. I know that much. Goodbye!" and shaking the young woman's hand he headed out to join Steve.

As Mike came out into the corridor he expected to see Steve but when he couldn't see him he panicked for a brief moment. Then looking down the corridor he spotted him sitting in a chair at the window. He was leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees and his head in his hands. Something about his demeanor worried Mike so he hurried down to where he was. Approaching Steve, Mike placed a hand on his shoulder and couldn't hide the concern from his voice.

"Steve! Are you ok?"

Steve's head was hopping and he felt lousy. He knew Mike had joined him and spoken to him but he couldn't seem to get his brain to form a reply. When Steve didn't answer him Mike became alarmed and pulling up the other chair opposite Steve he bent down and looked at Steve's face. He was very pale and seemed to be in distress.

"Steve! Talk to me! What's wrong?"

This time Steve managed to reply albeit very shakily.

"Sorry Mike ... my head ... hurts ..."

"Is it bad? As bad as your migraines?"

Steve nodded and then instantly regretted it as the pain in his head seemed to expand and became so bad that stars appeared before his eyes so he shut them to block them out. A nurse passing by saw the two men and realized that something was wrong. Hurrying over, she spoke to Mike urgently.

"My God! Is he ok?"

"I don't think so! Could you please page Dr. Armstrong for me? He was only released just over an hour ago! Could you please tell him it's about Steve Keller, that we're here on the first floor and that its urgent please?"

"Of course" the nurse replied and hurried towards the nurses station to page the doctor as requested.

Mike turned his attention back to Steve who was shaking and protesting.

"Aw Mike ... not Dr. Armstrong! "

Mike felt sorry for Steve having only just been released but he looked dreadful and Mike wasn't taking any chances with Steve's health.

"Come on now buddy boy. We can't take you home like this. Its better that he takes a quick look at you. Ok? Now take it easy!"

Luckily the paging system in the hospital was very efficient and within ten minutes the elevator doors opened half way down the corridor and Dr. Armstrong appeared. Then seeing Mike and Steve he came running down towards them. As he neared them he saw Mike's worried face attending to Steve and became alarmed by the young man's appearance.

"Mike! What the hell happened? I thought he was going home!"

Mike looked embarrassed but explained quietly.

"He was but the little girl's grandparents asked him if he'd go and see her before he went home ... so he did."

"WHAT? MIKE? He's had enough stress over the last twenty-four hours without that! If I'd known that's where he was heading I never would have sanctioned it! Mike that was bound to drag up unpleasant memories!"

And with that he turned his professional attention to Steve.

"Steve! Talk to me. Whats going on? Are you hurting?"

Steve nodded more carefully this time and tried to answer but he still kept his eyes shut tight.

"Yeah ... bad headache ..."

"He suffers from migraines from time to time but not that often and I've never seen him with one this bad." Mike added.

The doctor didn't like the look of Steve's pallor or the fact that he was so unresponsive. Taking Steve's pulse he found that it was racing. Turning to the nurse who had paged him he asked urgently.

"Can we get a wheelchair over here please?" then turning back to Steve he continued.

"Well, the one good thing about you just being released is we haven't given your room away yet. Looks like you're heading back there for a bit Steve."

Steve groaned and looked at the Doctor to protest but again regretted the action as the bright sunlight streaming through the bay window caused another explosion of pain in his skull and his vision blurred so he shut his eyes tight starting to feel nauseous on top of his other miseries.

This new development was not lost on either Mike or the doctor who exchanged a worried look between them.

"Steve? Is the brightness making your headache worse?" the doctor asked.

"Yeah ..." Steve answered afraid this time to nod his head and as the wheelchair promptly arrived the two men took an arm each and settled Steve into it.

As Mike carried Steve's bag, Dr. Armstrong pushed Steve quickly down the corridor and into the elevator as Steve covered his face with both hands trying to both block out the light and keep the movement from jolting his head further. Steve suffered from migraines on occasion but this one was the worst he had ever had. The pain throbbing in his skull was almost unbearable and to Mike's horror he was groaning subconsciously.

The elevator arrived on the third floor and the doctor quickly pushed Steve back up to the room he had just vacated not so long ago. The nurse who had been on duty earlier was just finishing up her shift and preparing to go home when she saw the three men hurrying towards her.

"Mr Keller! What happened? Doctor?"

Removing her coat quickly she followed the men back into the room.

"Looks like a severe migraine triggered by all the stress" the doctor replied and then asked Mike to help him to get Steve back up onto the bed.

Between them they managed it and as the afternoon sun was still flooding the room the first thing Steve did was pull the edge of the pillow over his face to block it out. Seeing this alarmed Mike and he called out.

"Steve!"

However the doctor knew what was happening and quickly instructed the nurse to close the blinds which she dutifully did. As the room darkened Dr. Armstrong removed the pillow from Steve's face and proceeded to take his blood pressure. Steve was grateful for the sudden darkness yet turning sideways he still burrowed his sore head into the pillow wishing the pain in his head would ease even somewhat. Mike was watching the doctor and Steve closely and spoke next.

"Doc. What's happening? Is he ok? I got to tell you ... he's scaring the hell out of me!"

"Relax Mike. I'm pretty sure it's an acute migraine brought on by all the trauma and stress. He's got all the signs, severe pain, sensitivity to light, his blood pressure is slightly raised and although he hasn't told us specifically I would wager his vision is affected. Steve? What medication do you take for your migraines? Steve? You need to answer me."

Steve spoke very quietly as even talking seemed to cause the pain to worsen.

"My toilet bag ..."

Mike understood and quickly placing Steve's bag on the chair he retrieved the toilet bag and found his migraine pills at the bottom of it and handed them to the Doctor. Examining the medication the doctor figured that it would be faster acting in injection form so he put the pills on the locker and spoke to his patient.

"Steve, as this one is so severe I'm going to give you a shot of it instead, It will work quicker. Nurse can you get me that and a mild sedative too please?"

As they waited for the nurse to return the doctor spoke quietly to Steve while Mike stood beside the bed wishing there was something he could do to ease Steve's visible suffering.

"Steve ... I need you to try to relax for me. I know you're in a lot of pain but you're tensing up and that's just going to make the headache worse. So I want you to try to breathe nice and slow for me. Ok?"

"Hurts ..." Steve groaned again

This time Mike spoke to his partner.

"Come on now buddy boy. I know it hurts but just try to do what the doctor says. Ok? Breathe slowly now." and as he spoke he rubbed Steve's shoulder comfortingly.

The nurse arrived with the syringe and Dr. Armstrong prepped Steve's arm.

"Ok Steve. You're just going to feel a slight scratch and them relief won't be far off. It should kick in fairly quick. I'm going to give you a slight sedative too Steve " the doctor explained as he gave the first shot and then prepped a second syringe.

When the second one was administered he spoke again.

"Now Steve, the pain should start to ease up soon and you're going to feel drowsy. I need you to get some sleep. Hopefully when you wake the migraine should be gone. Take it easy now. You just overdid things. Your body can only cope with so much stress you know. We all have our limits!"

Looking up at Mike and seeing how worried he was the doctor reached over and placed a hand on the older man's shoulder.

"It's ok Mike. Stop worrying. The painkiller will kick in and the sedative will help him sleep. He'll be fine. But can I ask you one thing?"

Mike visibly relaxed at the doctor's words and he answered.

"Sure."

"What in God's name happened in that room that caused this?"

Mike smiled. The whole amazing and touching incident had been somehow forgotten in the crisis that had happened afterwards but remembering it fondly now he explained.

"He got the little girl to talk! That's what happened! It was truly amazing!"

"You're kidding me?"

"No. I'm not." and with that he relayed the whole story to the doctor about the bear and how moving and emotional the whole incident had been.

When he had finished telling the story even the Doctor appeared to be moved by what had happened. Checking Steve one more time and noticing that he was more relaxed and that the sedative seemed to be kicking in he spoke with emotion in his voice.

'Well no wonder he got a migraine. Not only reliving yesterday's events and helping Ruby Vaccaro but also dragging up long forgotten traumas in the process! Mike! Look I know you've said before that Steve has an aversion to it and I've witnessed it myself just this morning but ... well its my professional opinion that Steve needs to talk to Lenny Murchison!" Seeing Mike about to protest he quickly continued " Mike! Steve carries too much baggage around and you know it. He thinks he can cope with it all but he can't ! Damn it Mike, we just saw the result! Will you at least call him please and fill him in on what's happened? Come on Mike. This is Lenny's job. If anyone can get him to deal with everything this last day has thrown at him ... well its him! You know I'm right Mike! "

Mike looked at the doctor and found he couldn't argue.

"Ok ... you're right. I'll call him. But Steve won't talk to him I'm telling you. I know Steve. Oh, Lenny's alright but Steve ... well something from his past has programmed him to be like this! I've worked with him now for nearly two years and I only found out things today about him that I never knew! He doesn't share readily Doc. It's like getting blood out of a stone sometimes!"

"I know Mike. That's why you need Lenny's help. Call him! "

"Mike nodded reluctantly and then turned his attention back to Steve.

"Is he asleep?"

Checking Steve again, and taking his pulse the doctor noted that he was very relaxed. His pulse had steadied and his face was no longer etched in pain. He was breathing steadily and no longer groaning. Looking up at Mike the doctor confirmed.

"Yes. He's sleeping. The sedative should knock him out for around six or seven hours. Hopefully when he wakes up the migraine should be gone!"

"Should be? What do you mean should be?"

"Well there's no guarantees Mike. A migraine of that severity can sometimes last as long as two days or as short as a couple of hours! We'll have to just wait and see how he is when he wakes up later."

Mike studied his sleeping partner and felt suddenly tired himself.

"It's my fault! I should have insisted he go home and see the little girl another time. I knew he wasn't up to it! I should have stopped him!" Mike said berating himself and getting upset.

The Doctor came quickly around the bed to Mike and removing Steve's bag from the chair he sat him down on it.

"Mike! Listen to me! We both know Steve and most of the time he's as hard-headed and stubborn as you are! If he'd made up his mind to see Ruby Vaccaro then there probably wasn't much you could have done to stop him. Now stop blaming yourself and let's concentrate on getting him back on his feet. Ok? He's going to be out of it for a while. Go home Mike. Get some rest and something to eat. We'll keep a close eye on him and everything will work out. I'll call you if anything changes."

Mike smiled at the doctor.

"Ok Doc. You're right. I just want to sit with him for a bit then I'll follow doctor's orders. I promise! And thanks for everything."

"No problem Mike! Although ... you know I am seriously considering keeping this room permanently reserved for him you know!" the doctor joked to lighten the mood and as Mike chuckled he headed back out of the room turning one time more to remind the older detective of one last thing.

"Oh and Mike! ..."

"I know, I know ... I'll call Lenny!"

"Good man! See you later!"

As the door closed behind the doctor Mike sat and stared at the sleeping form of his partner. From where he sat Steve was lying on his side facing Mike. He could see the rise and fall of Steve's chest but only half the young man's face as he still remained half buried in the pillow. At least he looked more peaceful now and for that Mike was grateful. Watching the young man closely he thought he detected a slight shiver and touching Steve's face he felt cool to the touch so standing up he fetched a blanket from the closet and placed it over Steve. Then sitting down again he reached over and grasped Steve's hand that was dangling over the side of the bed. Squeezing it gently he felt his emotions fray as he spoke quietly more to himself than to the sleeping young man.

"Oh buddy boy! What am I going to do with you. Huh? You know the doctors right. You bury too much away in that stubborn head of yours! But this time you're going to have to let it go Steve. Even if I have to dig it out of there myself! But for the moment you need to rest." and then releasing Steve's hand he sat back in the chair and that's where he stayed in the quiet and dark room trying to figure out the best way to get blood from a stone!


	11. Chapter 11

**Going Under**

Chapter 11

Mike stayed with Steve for just over an hour. During that time Steve hadn't stirred so eventually Mike had stood up and patted the young man's shoulder and not even sure if the young man could hear him he leaned in and whispered in Steve's ear.

"I'll be back later Steve. You take it easy now. Everything's going to be alright. Don't worry now. I'll be back before you know it buddy boy."

And then he left the hospital and drove home wearily. It was five pm when Mike arrived home and despite the tiredness he felt, he made himself a sandwich and then decided that he should try to catch forty winks so that he could go back into Steve later on somewhat refreshed. So laying down at around six o'clock he found himself falling asleep quickly and he slept until just after nine. When he woke, he freshened up and reluctantly rang Lenny and told him about Steve. Lenny was concerned and agreed to meet Mike down at the hospital for around ten so locking up he headed down to the car for the return trip to San Francisco General.

The Doctor was true to his word and had regularly checked on his patient and was pleased that Steve had slept without incident. He was still checking Steve when Mike and Lenny had arrived at around ten. As both men entered the room the Doctor was pleased to see Lenny in attendance. He smiled at Mike and then filled Lenny in on Steve's acute migraine episode. Lenny frowned and asked Mike for an update on what had happened earlier with the little girl. Mike didn't want to disturb Steve so suggested that they go grab a coffee instead. Over coffee out in the corridor Mike relayed the same story he had told the Doctor earlier but hated every minute of it. Lenny sensed his reluctance and questioned him.

"What's the matter Mike? "

"I don't know Lenny. This just feels wrong. Like I'm talking about him behind his back. Maybe you should ask him yourself what happened?"

Lenny sympathised with the older detective knowing that he would never break Steve's trust readily.

"Now we both know Mike if I asked him he wouldn't tell me! You seem to be the only one he opens up to. I need to know the facts so that at least if I can't get through to him I can at least coach you how to do it! We are all in agreement that he needs to talk things out Mike. Aren't we?"

"Yes. I guess so. It just feels like ... well that I'm telling tales on him!" Mike said frustratingly.

Lenny smiled.

"But sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind Mike. You're doing this for his own good! Now about his Grandfather, you said his parents died when he was five! That's a pretty tough thing for a five-year old to handle. You said he mentioned that he wasn't talking much after it happened and that his Grandfather had got him to talk again just like he got Ruby Vaccaro to speak today?"

Mike nodded still not happy with this whole situation.

"Mike has he spoken about his parents before to you?"

"No. Never. I knew his Grandfather raised him but not much else."

"Sounds like that's the sticking point to me where Steve is concerned. The start of his problems. Long buried trauma. Feelings of abandonment, fear of the unknown having to go live with his Grandfather, perhaps even a little self blame. Sometimes when kids don't fully understand what's happening they tend to blame themselves unduly. You know what I'm talking about Mike. They feel perhaps they were to blame somehow for their parents leaving, some even grow up feeling responsible, unworthy of care and attention. Survivor's guilt even. That would explain a lot with Steve. His fearless attitude to danger!"

Mike could feel his hackles rise.

"What are you talking about his fearless attitude to danger?"

"Come on Mike. You have to agree that Steve never backs down faced with a dangerous and possible life threatening situation. Look at the day before yesterday. He jumped into the bay without a second thought for his own safety."

"Now wait a minute! He saved two people Lenny!"

"I'm not disputing that Mike! What he did was brave and commendable but no-one else on that dock jumped in did they? At least not at first? Then there's his hobbies outside work skiing down the sides of mountains, free diving without scuba gear and we all know he loves that fast car of his. I'm telling you Mike. Steve doesn't fear danger like you or me. He welcomes it. Then there was the matter of how he felt guilty leaving the driver behind even though his life was in the balance. It seems to me that Steve suffers constantly from some form of survivor's guilt."

Mike had listened to enough of Lenny's psychological spiel.

"Oh hogwash! That's Steve you're analysing not a psych patient! Steve jumped in because he cares! And for no other reason! He faces danger because it's his job! And because he's trained to do it safely!"

"Mike, he's not trained for underwater rescue. And you know it!"

"And you know that if Steve hadn't done what he did that little girl and her mother wouldn't have stood a chance. We couldn't afford to wait for the trained dive team!"

"Yes. You're right but you're missing my point Mike. He didn't hesitate. And your theory doesn't explain his love of high danger sports outside the job or the amount of times he ends up back in this hospital as a direct result of always getting in the thick of dangerous situations."

"Lenny. That's my partner you're analysing like he was some kind of piechart! You leave him to me! Do you hear me now? If something's chewing on him then I'LL get to the bottom of it! You go in there to him with your big fancy words and your survivor's guilt scenario and you know as well as I do he'll close up tighter than a clam! As far as I'm concerned this conversation is over! I knew this was a bad idea" then calming down slightly he added "Thanks for coming down Lenny but I can handle it from here. You can go home. I'll talk to you at the office tomorrow! I'm sorry for wasting your time but I need to get back to my partner now." and almost scowling at Lenny, Mike turned and headed back into Steve's room.

As he went Lenny tried to appease the situation.

"Mike! I'm sorry. I was just trying ... to help!"

But Mike wouldn't listen and was gone. Feeling annoyed with himself for getting carried away and perhaps not explaining what he was trying to convey well enough to Mike, Lenny decided that tonight was not the right time to pursue the issue and dejectedly made his way back down the corridor towards the elevator. Maybe if he slept on it he would find a better way to explain what he felt was going on with Steve to Mike without making it sound so cold and clinical. Deciding that was the right thing to do he headed home.

Mike went back into Steve's room annoyed as hell. Trying to help! Who did Lenny think he was? Department psychiatrists! They sit around analysing people's actions, labelling everyone. Treating everyone like crazy people! They don't have to face the danger cops do every single day! He was so mad that it took Steve's groan to distract his anger. Racing over to his partner he saw Steve stirring slightly. Although he was groaning softly and he turned his head from out of the pillow he didn't open his eyes. Looking at his watch Mike realized that he had been asleep for around seven hours which was about the time the doctor had said the sedative would knock him out for. Leaning in closer Mike spoke.

"Buddy boy? Can you hear me?"

Steve stirred and groaned again. He forced his eyes open just a little. It was still very dark in the room and Steve was glad of it. Catching a brief glimpse of Mike beside him he closed them again as his eyelids felt like lead. His brain felt like a fog had descended on it and his head felt heavy and sore. He couldn't remember where he was and how he had gotten there and would have easily panicked except for the fact that he knew Mike was there too. He wanted to answer Mike but his brain and his mouth weren't cooperating as they normally did. His eyes were sore and his mouth was dry so all he managed to say came out very slurred.

"Mike ?.."

"I'm here Steve. You're ok now."

Feeling that Steve was a little disoriented by his actions and facial expressions Mike explained to his drowsy partner.

"Steve. You're back in the hospital room. You had a bad migraine attack earlier. They gave you stuff to ease the pain and help you sleep. That's probably why you're feeling a bit out of it. I need to go fetch the doctor but I'll be right back. Ok? Hold on now!" but as he turned to go Steve panicked and grabbed his hand tight.

Having Mike there at the minute was the only thing keeping him calm and Steve didn't want him to leave. As Steve grabbed his hand Mike sensed Steve getting uneasy and realized that the boy wasn't happy with being left there alone even temporarily. He figured he was probably confused and anxious so he changed tactics and rang the nurses bell instead and without letting go of Steve's hand he pulled the chair closer to the bed and sat down on it speaking to Steve soothingly as he did.

"Alright Steve. I won't go if you don't want me to. It's ok. I've called the nurse instead. Calm down now."

The nurse raced in and Mike asked if she would please page Dr. Armstrong as Steve was waking up. Checking her patient quickly she nodded at Mike and raced back outside. Within ten minutes Dr. Armstrong came racing in with the nurse following close behind.

"How is he Mike? Is he awake?"

"He's very drowsy and uncomfortable. He only spoke once and it was very slurred. I'm not sure he even knows what's happening."

Moving slightly back but still keeping a grip on Steve's hand, Mike gave the Doctor room to work so sitting on the bed beside his patient he first took Steve's pulse. A little fast but not worryingly so. Next he put the stethoscope in his ears and placed the other end on Steve's chest. The feel of something cold on his chest made him jump and the doctor put a hand on his shoulder to settle him.

"Alright Steve. It's ok. It's Dr. Armstrong. I just need to listen to your chest and check you over. Ok? Mike is here too. You're alright."

Mike squeezed his hand and he seemed to relax again. Hearing Steve's strong and steady heartbeat next the doctor placed his hand on Steve's forehead and checked for signs of a temperature. Thankfully Steve's skin felt cool to the touch so he grabbed the stethoscope to check Steve's breathing but he figured this time he had better warn the young man rather than startle him again.

"Steve, I need to check your breathing so you're going to feel something cold on your back. Ok?"

As the doctor lifted his shirt and placed the cold steel this time in numerous places over his back Steve squirmed but Mike kept him as still as he could. Then taking Steve's blood pressure, again Steve squeezed Mike's hand subconsciously as the band tightened uncomfortably around his arm.

"Ok buddy boy! Take it easy."

With all his initial checks done the doctor dictated notes to the nurse who wrote them on Steve's chart. Mike looked up at him questioningly and the Doctor read his thoughts.

"His vital signs are strong Mike. No temperature and his breathing is good. If anything his pulse and his blood pressure are a little bit raised but not alarmingly so."

Turning his attention back to his patient he asked quietly.

"Steve. Can you open your eyes for me? Can you talk to me?"

Steve's eyes fluttered a little before they finally opened but it was clear to both men and the nurse that he was struggling to keep them open for any length of time. Stammering slightly his voice wasn't any more coherent than the last time he had uttered Mike's name.

"Yes ... think so."

Retrieving his pocket torch from his pocket he addressed Steve again.

"Steve, Do you think you could tolerate a light in your eyes yet?"

Steve took longer to answer as he tried to think through the blanket of fog covering his brain and his delay in answering was not lost on those in the room as his eyes closed again.

"Not ... sure ... eyes ... sore."

The doctor looked concerned and put the torch back in his pocket.

"How bad is the headache now Steve?"

"Not as ... bad ... but ... still hurts ..."

"I don't have to ask how bad the pain was earlier as I know it was off the scale but on a scale of one to ten how bad is it now?"

Again Steve took a while to respond.

"Four ... and ... feel ... queasy."

Mike looked up at the doctor again anxiously.

The doctor returned an anxious look and then questioned Steve again.

"How bad is the queasiness? Do you feel like you're going to be sick?"

Steve shook his head gently with his eyes still remaining shut tight.

"No ... not that ... bad."

"Ok Steve. You need to sleep some more. You're still in the throes of that migraine by the looks of it or at least the end of it hopefully. Rest now. I'll get you some more meds to dull the pain and relieve the nausea. We'll leave the room dark for the time being too until your eyes can tolerate it better. I'll leave you with Mike for a few minutes while I organize your meds. I'll be right back."

With that the Doctor left the room and Mike moved in closer again.

"Looks like you're in the wars buddy boy!"

Unexpectedly Steve's eyes fluttered open again and he looked straight at Mike. Mike could see that he was visibly trying to form his words better and he waited patiently for Steve to speak.

"Mike? How long ... have I been out for?"

"Oh about seven hours Steve. It's nearly eleven o'clock at night. You know you scared the hell out of me earlier buddy boy! "

"Sorry, Mike. It kind of ... scared me too. Never got one ... that bad before." Steve continued but the exertion of talking took its toll and he closed his eyes again and was breathing heavily.

Noting the toll that trying to talk was taking on Steve, Mike spoke softly to the young man.

"I know. Stop trying to talk now. You need to rest. There'll be plenty of time for us to talk when you're feeling better. Ok? Just rest easy now."

"Mmmm ... ok." Steve answered and seemed to relax.

Dr. Armstrong arrived back in and administered another syringe into Steve's arm and not long after that Steve had drifted back to sleep. As Steve's grip loosened on Mike's hand Mike looked at the Doctor nervously and spoke.

"He's still not great. Should I be worried?"

"No, no reason for worry. The migraine just hasn't fully gone yet. I did warn you they can last up to two days. The fact that the pain has abated somewhat is a good sign. I'd wager that after another sleep he should be feeling better. By the way, where did Lenny go?"

Mike let go of Steve's hand and taking the Doctor by the shoulder he guided him over towards the door out of earshot of Steve just in case he could still hear them. Then looking slightly awkward he answered the Doctor's question.

"I sent him home! "

"You did what?" the doctor asked in disbelief keeping his voice down despite his desire to yell at the stubborn man in front of him.

"He won't talk to Lenny Doc! I know that boy over there better than anyone. Whatever chance there is of him opening up to me there is no hope of him talking to Lenny! I know it's not his fault but Lenny is all psychological profiles and fancy words. Well that young man over there is not an excuse for Lenny to show off his fancy credentials! He's my partner and he's been through hell! I won't have him being examined and labelled like some science experiment! "

"That is NOT your call to make Mike! Lenny is trained to handle these situations. You had no right to send him home."

Giving the Doctor the "Stone" glare Mike could feel his temper rise.

"Well, I guess we'll have to agree to differ on this one then and see who turns out to be right?"

The Doctor could see that Mike was not in any mood to be reasoned with and as it had been a long day for all of them he chose a more diplomatic tactic.

"Alright Mike. It's been a long and stressful day for all of us. Steve should sleep for another five or six hours now. We'll discuss this further in the morning. Now if you'll excuse me I better go catch up on some sleep myself while I can. Goodnight Mike"

And with that the Doctor turned and left the room leaving Mike alone with his thoughts and his sleeping partner. Mike came back towards the bed and slumped heavily into the chair.

"Nice one Mike!" he chastised himself realizing that in the space of an hour and a half he had managed to annoy both Lenny and the Doctor. Sitting there watching Steve in the darkened room Mike suddenly felt tired and unsure of himself.

"I've got to get you to talk to me buddy boy or else ... well they're going to do it their way."

And he leaned forward with his hands clasped tightly and prayed silently for guidance and healing for Steve.


	12. Chapter 12

**Going Under**

Chapter 12

The next time Steve came to he was vaguely aware of someone messing with his arm. Someone was pulling at it and irritating him. Next he felt a scratch and groaned subconsciously. His arm was hurting where he felt the scratch and he tried to move his arm away from his tormentor but he felt it being restrained and he heard voices speaking and thought he vaguely heard someone saying his name. The pain in his head was more or less gone but in its place his head and eyes felt sore to the touch. His head still felt muzzy and heavy and as he felt something sharp being stuck in his arm he forced his eyes open to look and see who was hurting him. Opening his heavy eyelids, he noticed that the room was still dark and turned his head to see a red-haired nurse holding his arm still while Dr. Armstrong was attaching something to it. Whatever he was doing was causing his arm to throb and ache so he moaned again louder than he had intended to.

"Ouch."

"Sorry Steve. We're almost done. I'm just attaching a saline I.V to your arm. You haven't taken any fluids in the last twelve hours so I just don't want you to get dehydrated. Sorry for waking you. How are you feeling?"

"Yeah, I feel a lot better than before, thanks " Steve answered and the Doctor was pleased to see that he was responding better than the last time he had been awake.

"How is the pain now Steve?"

"It's more or less gone. But my head and eyes feel very sore and my head feels heavy and fuzzy."

The Doctor finished attaching the I.V and then came around and sat on the bed beside him and proceeded to take his pulse. Finding it slow and steady he then retrieved his torch from his pocket and spoke again to Steve.

"After an acute migraine like that, your head is bound to be a little fuzzy and sore for a while. That's just your brain protesting what it just went through. Let's check how your eyes cope with light now? I'm going to shine the torch in your eye but if it hurts I'll shut it off real quick. Ok?"

Steve nodded and allowed the Doctor to open one eyelid and shine his torch into it. He flinched a little but thankfully it didn't hurt at all. The Doctor checked both eyes and then put the pocket light away again. Then smiling he addressed Steve once more.

"Well, that's a very good sign Steve. I think you're coming out of the worst of it. How's the queasiness?"

"Yeah it's better too although I don't feel very hungry."

"Ok. Again loss of appetite is common after a migraine of that severity but the I.V will keep you hydrated for the next few hours anyway. Hopefully by then you'll feel up to eating a little. Oh and dizziness can be a concern too so on NO account are you to move from that bed unless you have someone with you for the time being. Alright?"

"Ok, thanks Doc."

Then lifting his head to look around he instantly regretted it as his sore head protested and again a troublesome groan escaped his lips. Easing him back down against the pillows the Doctor added firmly.

"And no sudden movements either! Slow and easy is the way to go for the time being."

Steve took a deep breath and waited a few seconds for his brain to recover and then replied.

"Now, you tell me!"

The Doctor chuckled.

"You rest up now. It's only four am. Take it easy and I'll pop back to see you in the morning. Do you need any painkillers?"

"No, not at the minute. Thanks. Did Mike go home?"

"Yes, The nurse said he went home around one o'clock. But knowing Mike he'll be back at the crack of dawn. You fairly well scared the life out of him yesterday. He's been like a bear with a sore head ever since if you'll excuse the unfortunate comparison."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, let's just say the last time he parted with me and Lenny we weren't his most favourite people in the whole world."

With that his pager went off and looking at the number he headed towards the door

"Oh,oh. An E.R emergency! No rest for the wicked eh? Take it easy now. I'll see you later"

"Ok. I will. Thanks."

And with that the Doctor left leaving Steve wondering what Mike had been so steamed about and what he had argued with Lenny and the Doc about but his foggy brain wasn't up to too much thinking so he decided to wait and ask Mike later instead.

**Meanwhile back at DeHaro Street :**

Mike was having a restless night. He had stayed with Steve until one and he had been grateful that Steve had slept peacefully. Deciding that he had better head home and get some rest himself he had driven home but even though he had gone to bed almost immediately he couldn't manage to sleep. He kept thinking about his conversation with Lenny and the Doctor and self-doubt was starting to chew on him. Maybe they were right. While Steve had opened up and talked to him a little it was still like pulling teeth trying to extract information from Steve about his past and his painful memories. Maybe he would need Lenny's help after all. He had been quite hard on them both and thinking back on it he had come across perhaps a little overbearing in his conviction that he knew best where Steve was concerned. Perhaps even a little sanctimonious! He smiled at how that word had just popped into his head! It was a word his wife Helen had often used and he hadn't heard it in a long while! Giving up on trying to sleep Mike had gone downstairs and made himself a cup of cocoa and sat in the darkened living room. For some strange reason he kept thinking of the box that had fallen out of Steve's closet. The photos and the trinkets. Perhaps they held some key to what was chewing on Steve! But no! Mike dismissed the idea. That would mean prying in Steve's private things and he wouldn't feel happy doing that but again Lenny's words kept reverberating around his brain ..."for his own good." He fell asleep on the couch at around four am but his dreams weren't peaceful ones. They were filled with images of Steve, fighting for breath as he surfaced in the Bay, the sight of him, soaked through, exhausted and shaking as he was lying on the docks, the panic attack he had at the hospital, the upset that was clearly visible in his eyes when he talked about his Grandfather, the pain on his face as his migraine took hold and the panicked way he had grabbed Mike's hand as he struggled to remember what was happening . All the images flew through his head and then combined and repeated until at six am Mike had bolted awake in a cold sweat, shaking from his nightmare. Pulling himself back together he slowly made his way to the bathroom and bending over the sink he splashed cold water on his face to clear his head and looking up at his reflection in the mirror, with Steve still foremost in his thoughts he knew what he had to do.

Getting showered and dressed he was in the middle of shaving when his phone rang just before seven am. Feeling slightly irritable and unnerved from his restless dreams and unhappy with what he felt he had to do he answered the phone somewhat grumpily.

"Stone!"

It was Captain Rudy Olsen on the other end.

"Oh hi Captain! Yeah he's still in. I was with him last night. He wasn't great when he woke last. I'm going to head down there this morning before I head to the Office. Oh you heard about that did you? Yes, it was pretty amazing alright the way he got the little girl to talk. Who told you about it? Lenny huh? Yes, I sent him home! Steve will be fine Captain. He just needs to get over this and get back to work and he'll be fine. There's no need for that. Rudy! He doesn't need to have to go through that. I'm telling you! Please! Oh you've made your decision huh? Well I guess I had better warn him then! He's not going to be happy Rudy! Well you're the Boss! But I want to put it on record that I don't agree with your decision. I think you're wrong and it better not cause him anymore upset or so help me Rudy I'll ... You did what? What time is he going to see him at? Nine? I better get going then. I want to be there! And you better hope it goes well !"

Then hanging up he felt anger and worry grip at his heart! Looking at his watch he saw that it was seven fifteen. He didn't have a lot of time to do what he had to do now as he had to make sure he got to the hospital for around eight thirty so he could warn Steve of the Captain's latest instructions! So quickly finishing his shave he grabbed his coat and hat and headed quickly down to the car.

It was just gone seven-thirty five when Mike pulled up in Union Street. Hesitating momentarily he looked up at Steve's apartment and prayed that he was doing the right thing. Locking the car, he climbed the steps and let himself in. He had a quick look around to make sure everything was as he had left it the day before then making his way into Steve's bedroom he first decided to get another clean shirt for the young man as he had been in his other one all night. With the shirt chosen he then opened up the closet and carefully removed the box from the top shelf. Sitting down on the bed with the box in his hands Mike felt torn in half. He had to find some clue as to what was causing Steve's upset and his gut instinct told him that the answer was in this box! Knowing that his gut was very rarely wrong he also knew that by opening the box he would be violating Steve's trust and that the young man might never forgive him for prying through such private things. So he sat for several minutes debating his next move as precious minutes ticked by!

Back at the hospital Steve was feeling much better. The rest of the night had passed fairly peacefully and while he hadn't slept since his rude awakening at four am he was somehow grateful for the peace and quiet that the early morning hours had allowed him. He finally had time to think. To sort out the cluttered and mixed up memories that were filling his heavy and overloaded brain. To think about each one and lock them back away in the far reaches of his mind which usually worked so well for him. But this time it was proving more difficult than normal. Some of them were refusing to be ignored and Steve reckoned that it would take longer for him to be able to lock them away this time. One memory in particular was proving to be stubborn. Try as he did it wouldn't let him rest. It was as if opening that gold gift bag had dragged that particular memory back to the forefront of his mind and as he had never fully dealt with it at the time it was permanently there now but Steve didn't want to deal with it. He didn't want to think of it. It was too painful. Too raw! Even now almost fifteen years later almost to the date, the memory of that day almost choked him and so with every last bit of resolve he had he forced himself not to think of it and lay against the pillows as upset tore at his heart. Maybe he could tell Mike! It wouldn't be easy but it might clear it from his head. So suddenly he found himself anxiously and eagerly waiting for Mike to arrive. He had to come soon. It was almost seven-thirty. In fact he was surprised that he wasn't here already. Where are you Mike? Where are you?

Steve had to wait another fifty minutes before Mike finally arrived. Steve had begun to get restless. His head ached and with the I.V. line in his arm he was restricted in his movements. He was feeling nauseous again as the medicine he got last night began to wear off and he was getting nervous about telling Mike what was upsetting him. When Mike came through the door Steve was happy to see him. Sitting up higher in the bed very gingerly he greeted his partner with a smile. Seeing the room bright again and Steve smiling and alert did Mike good but then he remembered what he had to warn him about and his return smile faded.

"Well buddy boy! You look a lot healthier than the last time I saw you, that's for sure. How are you feeling?"

"Yeah, I'm doing better Mike. Just my head is a little sore still but the Doc said that's normal."

Mike came and sat down on the bed beside him and the first thing he noticed was the I.V.

"When did they hook you up to that and why?"

"Four o'clock this morning! The Doc said he didn't want me getting dehydrated. It's not so bad. But it was sore getting it put in! I'm starting to feel like a pin cushion and you know how I hate needles!"

Mike winced sympathetically as he examined Steve's arm.

"You're starting to look like a pin cushion too!" Mike said as he noticed the needle marks and the bruises from the injection sites. "Your eyes look a little red. Are they still sore too?"

"Yeah but at least the light doesn't bother them anymore. Speaking of eyes, you look pretty rough yourself! Didn't you sleep last night?"

"No. Not much buddy boy."

Their conversation seemed to dry up for a minute and Mike seemed very distracted. He was looking at his watch and frowning. However Steve feared that if he didn't tell Mike soon he would lose his nerve so he started off.

"Listen Mike ... there's something I wanted to tell you..."

Before he had a chance to continue Mike hastily interrupted.

"Sorry for interrupting Steve, but there's something important I have to tell you too and it can't wait any longer!"

Steve was somewhat disappointed that Mike had stopped him just when he had gotten up the nerve to speak but he also knew by Mike's demeanor that it was obviously something serious so he filed away his story for another time and concentrated on Mike instead.

"Well that sounds ominous. What's going on? " Then suddenly having a scary thought he started to panic slightly "Mike it's not Ruby or her mother is it?"

Then when Mike didn't answer immediately and still looked so serious he panicked further " Mike, it's not Jeannie is it?

"No, no. Nothing like that. It's ... about you!"

"Me? What? Don't tell me. The Police dive team are suing me for doing their job, huh?" Steve joked trying to lighten the tension that had suddenly seemed to fill the room but Mike didn't even laugh but remained deadly serious hating what he had to tell Steve.

"Mike? What gives? Why so serious? Mike? ... You're worrying me ... Just tell me will you please?"

"Sorry buddy boy. Ok. I had a call from Olsen this morning. He's sending Lenny over to see you at nine. He wants him to do ... an ... evaluation on you!"

"An evaluation? What are you talking about Mike? What kind of evaluation?"

And then as if a brief moment of clarity made its way through his fogged up brain he answered his own question before Mike had a chance to.

"Wait a minute. You mean like a ... psychological evaluation? Why?"

Mike looked at Steve briefly and then looked away again.

"Well buddy boy, the Doctor thinks you're suffering from post traumatic stress from the Bay rescue and from helping young Ruby yesterday. He thinks that's what caused your migraine and as a result the Captain wants Lenny to evaluate you before he'll let you back to work."

Steve looked very thoughtful for a few moments. He felt uneasy at this latest news. Having to talk to Lenny about himself rather than the suspects they were after always made him uncomfortable and right now the anxiety wasn't helping his upset stomach or the ache in his head. Seeing Mike so serious over the whole thing Steve still tried to make light of the whole situation. Rubbing his chin nervously with the hand not connected to the drip he spoke again as positively as he could manage.

"Well, Mike. How hard can that be you know? I've filled out his psychological questionnaires before, after shootings and difficult arrests, crime scenes and that sort of thing. It will probably be fairly routine."

Steve wasn't quite sure who he was trying to convince, Mike or himself. But instead of agreeing with the young man in the bed Mike grew more uneasy and squirmed where he sat. Worrying about how Steve would take the following news Mike mustered up the courage and continued.

"Steve, it's a little more complicated than that. Lenny knows about your Grandfather ... and your parents and what happened in Ruby's room yesterday and he thinks that it's linked in to your current trauma somehow."

Steve's face fell when he heard what Mike had said and he got a sinking sensation in the pit of his stomach. Stammering again he asked.

"How? How could he know about that? That's not in my file! And how could he know what happened in the room yesterday?" Steve asked incredulously trying to work things out through the fog in his brain and then as another moment of clarity broke through the fog momentarily he gasped. "Unless ... somebody told him." And then seeing the discomfort and uneasiness on Mike's face and that he was avoiding looking at him he continued somewhat nervously hoping against hope that his new-found theory was wrong. "Mike? Mike ... you didn't. Please tell me you didn't tell Lenny. Mike?"

Mike glanced at Steve and saw the shock and the hurt in his eyes and felt ashamed for betraying his partner's trust but knowing he had to warn Steve of what Lenny might ask he confessed shakily.

"Steve! I'm ... sorry. The Doctor told me it was for your own good that I fill Lenny in on what happened with Ruby and I went along. But I wasn't happy doing it and I told them in the end to back off and leave you alone but they went behind my back to the Captain. I'm sorry Steve I never thought for one minute that he'd request an evaluation! ..."

Steve felt like he'd been hit by a brick! Sinking back into the pillows he covered his face again with his free hand and felt his emotions unravelling for the umpteenth time in the last two days! Steve suddenly realized what Mike had fought with the Doctor and Lenny over but the part he couldn't get his sore and aching head around was the fact that Mike had betrayed him by telling Lenny things that were as far as Steve was concerned anyway, strictly private and uncalled for. This was Mike for God sake! The one man he trusted with his life. The one man he was just about to tell his deepest most painful secret to! His head started to throb and the nausea niggled at him. Finally feeling able to respond further he looked straight at Mike and spoke emotionally.

"Why Mike? Why would you tell him all that? That was private Mike! And none of his damn business!" and then knowing what Lenny was like when armed with background information of any sort he covered his face again and spoke dejectedly." Dear God, Lenny's going to have a field day with this! I can just hear him now ... traumatic childhood ... feelings of abandonment. Oh man! Mike! What have you done?"

Seeing Steve distressed tore at Mike's heart. He knew he had let the boy down and he hated himself for it. Not sure how the boy would fully react, not having been in this type of scenario before with his partner he decided a full confession might be in order.

"I know you're upset with me Steve and I don't blame you. You're right. I shouldn't have told him but at the time I thought I was doing the right thing but there's ... something else I have to tell you."

Steve was still reeling from Mike's first revelation and wasn't sure he was physically up to a second one but Mike had that determined look on his face so he continued. Reaching into his trench coat pocket he took out the small rectangular box from Steve's closet and put it on the bed beside Steve. The fog in Steve's brain had settled again heavily and he stared at Mike unsure of what he was trying to say or do next.

"Mike? Why did you bring that here? Is that ... Is that the box from my closet?"

Mike felt himself getting emotional too. Hurting Steve was the last thing he would ever purposefully do but swallowing hard he continued.

"Yes ... yes it is. My gut told me that whatever was chewing on you, whatever upset you so much yesterday was linked to something in that box. Now my gut instinct as you know and as you've witnessed many times is fairly accurate so I went to your place this morning. I thought ... if I could figure out what you were so stressed about and I could help you deal with it then maybe they wouldn't have to go ahead with the evaluation as planned."

Steve looked horrified! He could feel tears threatening to appear as this whole sorry tale unfolded. But trying to get a grip on everything that was being told to him he tried to speak slowly and bravely.

"Mike? Wait a minute! Now my brain is real fuzzy and a little slow at the minute so I want to make sure that I've got this straight! So are you trying to tell me ... that in order to supposedly help me ... you told Lenny everything you knew about my childhood and that you went to my place this morning to search through my private things for clues as to what was stressing me out?"

Mike nodded sadly and ashamedly. Put like that it did sound very damning! Seeing Steve getting upset he tried to explain further. " But Steve, listen ..."

But Steve had heard enough. "MIKE ! Why didn't you just ask me instead of going behind my back?" and feeling as if his world had just crashed down around him he uttered quietly, calmly but emotionally. " I want you to leave now Mike please?"

Those words struck Mike like a knife but feeling that Steve had every right to be angry and not wanting to cause any further upset to the already sick and upset young man he stood up quietly and spoke softly.

"Alright Steve! I know what I intended to do was wrong but I didn't go through with it! I couldn't ! I sat with that box on my lap and I couldn't open it! I knew it would break our bond of trust and as partners I knew that could be fatal so I brought it here instead, unopened, hoping that you'd talk to me about it instead. But you're right. I was wrong. I'm going down to the coffee shop. If you change your mind and want someone here with you when Lenny gets here just get the nurse to send for me and if you don't then I understand that too." As his voice started to break Mike added "I hope you know that I would never intentionally hurt you Steve ... I'm so sorry buddy boy, so sorry!"

Steve's head was starting to throb again. He desperately wanted to believe Mike but he was angry and hurt and the muzziness of his head wouldn't let him make sense of anything so feeling upset and unready to forgive yet he turned his head back into his pillow away from Mike and as a solitary tear fell from his eye he answered strongly.

"Mike ! Just get out! Just leave me alone. Please!"

Mike could feel tears form in his own eyes and a lump formed in his own throat at Steve's words and the knowledge that he had upset and betrayed the trust of the young man that he viewed as a son. But not wanting to cause a scene and knowing that Steve needed time to get himself together before Lenny arrived he turned and headed for the door quietly. As he put his hand on the door handle he spoke just once more.

"I'm sorry I upset you Steve ... You know where I'll be!" and with that the older man exited the room crestfallen.

Steve felt as if his heart would break. He was so confused. He needed to be able to think clearly to sort out things in his head and so he cursed the incessant throbbing and the fogginess that was not allowing him the peace to do just that. Glancing at the clock he saw that it was eight forty am. He had just twenty minutes to pull himself together before he would have to deal with Lenny's probing questions. Right at this minute he didn't feel he could as he thought of Mike and as he lay there and tried to figure out what he was going to do, another tear or two soaked into his pillow.


	13. Chapter 13

**Going Under**

Chapter 13

After Mike left, Steve had struggled to keep his emotions in check. He couldn't take his eyes off the box that Mike had brought. He hadn't looked at that box or its contents for quite some time and though he tried not looking at it Mike had been right! There was something in that box that was directly linked to the bad memory that was haunting him again after all these years. He wondered for a brief moment how Mike could have known that and panicked for a brief second that maybe Mike had opened the box but despite everything he trusted Mike. Despite the fact that Mike had told Lenny things he felt that he shouldn't have and even though he couldn't help but feel hurt that he had, he had known Mike too long and he had never been anything but loyal and trust worthy. He wished that his head would clear a little so he could figure things out more clearly but the more he tried to think the more confused he seemed to get. But he did know he felt bad sending Mike away. He remembered how upset the older man had looked as he left and guilt started to eat away at him on top of everything else. He had acted on the spur of the moment out of hurt and shock and now regretted his actions.

Taking up the box he held it and very slowly opened it. First he anxiously rifled through the photos and tucked between two photographs he found the unopened letter with Steve's name written on it in his Grandfather's handwriting. It confirmed what he already knew that Mike had been telling the truth. He hadn't opened the box. In another brief moment of clarity he realized that if the Doctor had suggested it then Mike probably hadn't much choice about whether to update Lenny on what had happened or not. And anyway if Lenny hadn't got the details from Mike there were other people in the room that he could have gotten the details from. As his heart ached and his head pounded he glanced at the next picture in the box. It was of him and his Grandfather standing on the porch of the old house. He ran his finger over the picture of his Grandfather and felt tears threaten. He remembered clearly the day it had been taken. He remembered how comfortable they had become in each other's company and how they had grown to know what the other was always thinking. Almost like ... his partnership with ... Mike! Again Mike came to his mind and he felt utterly miserable.

His head was now throbbing again mercilessly and while it was nothing as bad as the day before it was enough to cause him great discomfort and he felt sick to his stomach. To add to his misery, the I.V line was starting to hurt him aswell where it was attached to his arm and he rubbed at it subconsciously. Looking at the clock he saw that it was nine o'clock and realized to his horror that Lenny would be here at any minute so he closed the box quickly and reaching over he opened the locker and put the box into it pausing to look at it momentarily before closing the door. Then he attempted to sit up and pull himself together as best he could. He would have to prove to Lenny that he was ok to return to work but in his current emotional state he feared that task would prove impossible. Never the less he had to at least try. He rubbed at his face with both hands and cursed the fact that he was tethered to the drip as he felt he would have benefited from some cold water from the sink to freshen up and perhaps ease his aching head a little. Instead he lay back against the pillows and breathed nice and slowly trying to ignore the various discomforts that were torturing him and focussed on what he would say to Lenny when he arrived. Then he would make it up to Mike somehow. He had to!

Earlier when Mike had left Steve's room he made his way down the corridor towards the elevator and felt the weight of the world on his shoulders. He had only wanted to help Steve and instead he had only upset him further. As he entered the elevator and pressed the button for the ground floor he worried about Steve and how he would manage talking to Lenny. He had hoped that Steve, and Lenny for that matter, would allow him to be present during the evaluation for no other reason than to keep a close eye on his partner and make sure the line of questioning didn't cause any more upset to him but ironically he seemed to have upset him more by breaking the trust that they had built up between them. As he exited the elevator and headed towards the coffee shop he prayed and hoped that with time to think, Steve would forgive him and that he might even send for him so he hung to that hope as that was the only hope he had.

Just as he headed across the hospital lobby he spotted Lenny entering by the main entrance. The two men caught sight of each other and rather hesitantly made their way towards each other. Greeting each other civilly but yet remembering their last encounter there was an awkwardness about their meeting. Lenny spoke first noting that Mike looked a little downhearted.

"Morning Mike. Rudy said he called you. I thought you'd be up with Steve. I didn't expect to see you heading in the opposite direction. What gives?"

"Morning Lenny. I was up there with him but well ... he's kind of ticked with me for telling you about his Grandfather and his parents. He got a bit upset and asked me to leave. I told him I'd be in the coffee shop if he needed me. That's where I'm heading now ... Listen Lenny ... About last night. I'm sorry for ... well you know. I guess I sounded a bit sanctimonious. It's just that I care about the boy and I guess I feel protective towards him ...That's all."

"Mike ... forget it! I know how close you and Steve are. If you didn't defend him I'd be more worried. I'm sorry too for getting carried away. The psychiatrist in me loses the run of itself sometimes. Look Mike ... I'm sorry if telling me what happened got you in hot water with Steve ... and I want you to know this whole thing has been Rudy's idea. I know Steve opens up better to you and after last night I thought about it and I was going to let you handle it but the Captain's asked for this so ... I have no choice Mike. But I promise you. It's just routine and I'll go easy with him."

Mike looked gratefully at Lenny and patted him on the shoulder.

"Thanks Lenny. If you need me I'll be in the coffee shop!"

Lenny could see how falling out with Steve had taken its toll and felt sorry for the older man and also felt partly responsible for the rift seeing as it was conversing with him that had placed him in hot water in the first place so he answered.

"Ok Mike. And don't worry. Things will work out. You'll see."

Mike just smiled and nodded and headed off in the direction of the coffee shop but Lenny could tell he wasn't convinced. Sighing dejectedly at this latest turn of events Lenny headed for the elevator. As he walked he thought about the events of the last two days. He couldn't stand the thought that he could be responsible for a rift between Mike and Steve. Their partnership was one of the strongest in the Department and while most people in the Department viewed him as "the shrink", Mike and Steve always valued his opinion and made him feel like one of the team so to speak. As he headed up in the elevator and exited onto the third floor he vowed in that instant to put things right and return things to normal so confidently he headed down the corridor towards Steve's room.

When he knocked and entered, it was ten past nine. Steve was sitting up in bed and even though he masked a smile over his face when he saw Lenny, Lenny had caught his previous expression briefly before the mask dropped and knew that he was as miserable as Mike was. Approaching Steve's bed he noted that the young man looked tired and pale and not his usual bright and bubbly self and wondered if he was up to this evaluation at all. Taking a seat beside his bed he spoke.

"Hey Steve. How are you feeling today?"

"Ok. Still a little sore but ok."

"I met Mike downstairs." Lenny threw in casually testing Steve's reaction.

Lenny was good at what he did and his tactic had worked. It was harder to keep his act up when Lenny mentioned Mike and for another brief moment Steve let down his guard at the mention of his partner and his smile faded.

"Was he ok?" Steve asked nervously yet almost afraid of the answer he would receive.

"Well ... I think he was upset that you were mad at him. Look Steve, don't blame Mike. He didn't want to tell me anything. As a matter of fact he told me to ask you myself but well ... I guess I talked him into it. He cares about you, you know. I could see it tore at him to talk behind your back. If you want to blame someone you should blame me not Mike!"

Hearing confirmation about Mike's loyalty didn't make him feel any better about how he had treated Mike and hearing that he was still upset made Steve's act harder to keep up. He could feel the lump in his throat returning and tried to swallow it back down as best he could. Seeing Steve struggling Lenny continued.

"Did Mike tell you why I'm here Steve?"

"Yeah ... The Captain thinks I need an evaluation. Guess that's the price for saving people nowadays huh?" Steve answered bitterly.

"It's just routine Steve. No-ones questioning your commitment to the job. What you did saving those people was commendable and brave. The Captain is just worried that you might be suffering post traumatic stress from the incident and wants to make sure you get help for it if you are. It's my job to figure out if you need that help or not. That's all. We're all on your side Steve."

"Yeah, well from my side it doesn't feel like it!" Steve said again more forcibly than he intended as his head began throbbing again and it was getting harder to ignore the burning in his arm and the sick feeling in his stomach.

"Steve. Are you up to answering questions? You seem a little out of sorts. Is your head hurting?" Lenny asked noting the fact that Steve seemed in some degree of discomfort.

"Lenny, just ask your questions and let's get this over with. Ok? Please." Steve asked fretfully, desperately wanting this to be over with, as finding Mike and apologizing became his number one priority.

Lenny could see that Steve was in pain and wasn't happy continuing his evaluation but putting the questionnaire aside he decided on a slightly different tactic.

"Listen, why don't we just forget the questions for now. Let's just talk for a little while. Ok?"

That was about the worst thing that Lenny could have suggested as far as Steve was concerned and as the pain in his arm and head continued to irritate him, he knew his patience was waning and tried to curb his temper.

"Ok. What do you want to talk about Lenny?

"Ok. What about your parents. What do you remember about them Steve?"

No, not that subject! Steve thought to himself. But again knowing that returning to work depended on his answers he tried to act calmly and so he answered.

"Not much. Snippets of memories. They were killed in a car accident. As far as I know they died instantly."

Lenny was staring at him uncomfortably and Steve knew he was watching for signs of stress but it was so hard to stay calm and collected when they were discussing painful episodes from his childhood and when his body was hurting in two different places, his stomach was somersaulting and when he needed to find Mike before he left the hospital. He was getting very restless and it was getting impossible to hide his discomfort. Lenny had noticed Steve's agitation and so he proceeded cautiously.

"Steve, were you in the car when it happened?"

"No ... I was staying in a friend's house. I only heard about it afterwards. It was all a bit of a blur to be honest. I remember the funeral vaguely but not much."

Lenny felt sorry for Steve and felt bad having to push him for painful answers but reminded himself that it was his job to get people to deal with painful memories so he asked his next question.

"Steve ... did you see your parents ...at ... the funeral?"

Steve was horrified at the question and couldn't hide his disgust at such a question.

"Lenny! I was only five! No I didn't see them!" and then as the memory suddenly fought its way through the fog in his head he started to ponder on it and spoke further. "I remember they were waked at the house ... the two coffins were in the front room ... but I wasn't allowed in there. I ... tried to sneak in one time but my Grandfather caught me and pulled me back. He said ... I had to remember them as they were ... the last time I saw them."

Steve swallowed hard, momentarily lost in that moment. Something he hadn't recalled for a very long time. But as the throbbing intensified in his skull it pulled him back to the present and to his embarrassment he saw Lenny watching him closely and could almost see him taking mental notes and cursed his moment of weakness. Feeling ill, upset and frustrated now he squirmed in the bed and waited for Lenny's next question. The silence that ensued for several seconds felt like an hour to Steve and his arm was starting to burn very bad. He didn't know how much more of this he could take and silently prayed that Lenny would get on with it. Thankfully his prayer was answered.

"I see. That's a tough situation for a five-year old to handle. You went to live with your Grandfather after that?"

"Yes." Steve replied relieved that they were moving along but also dreading the topic of his Grandfather for reasons he hadn't been able to reveal yet.

"How did you feel about that Steve? Did you get along with your Grandfather?"

"How do you think I felt Lenny? It was a little scary. Leaving your home. Moving somewhere different. I knew my Grandfather but not that well. But we became close and he took good care of me ..." Steve trailed off as a shooting pain went up his arm from where the needle was attached and he winced visibly and grabbed his right arm .

Seeing Steve's distress Lenny jumped up.

"Steve! What's wrong? What's the matter with your arm?"

Through gritted teeth Steve answered him.

"Hurts ... where the needle is!"

Lenny ran around to the other side of the bed and removed Steve's hand. Where the needle was attached was bruised and swollen and angry-looking and Lenny winced sympathetically.

"That looks nasty. I'll get the nurse!" and with that he hurried out of the room.

When Lenny left, Steve dropped his guard for a few seconds and became upset. All the talk of his parents and his Grandfather had been hard and now the pain was adding to his misery. He only hoped that seeing him in pain might discourage Lenny from continuing the evaluation and that he might get some respite from the probing and difficult questions.

As the door opened another burning pain tore up his arm and he groaned subconsciously. The nurse hurried in with Lenny right behind her and she quickly examined Steve's arm.

"The I.V has infiltrated! I'll have to remove it! Take a deep breath for me now Mr. Keller while I take the needle out!"

Steve felt even sicker at the thought of the needle coming out but he desperately wanted the pain to stop so he closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he had been requested to. As the nurse drew out the needle, Steve felt it leave his arm and grabbed a fistful of the covers. His head pounded and his upset stomach churned. He felt lousy. He couldn't keep up the act any longer and felt that he had reached the limit of what he could cope with and so opening his eyes, his voice breaking from the upset he addressed Lenny.

"I have to find Mike! I need to tell him I'm sorry Lenny."

Lenny could see how much he was enduring and felt sorry for the young man.

"Take it easy Steve. Let the nurse do her work. Then I'll find him for you. Ok?"

"No, Lenny. You don't understand. I told him to get out. I have to make it right! I shouldn't have sent him away. I messed up Lenny."

Steve was getting very agitated and Lenny was concerned about him. As the nurse worked on his arm Lenny watched her closely and saw her frown at the state his arm was in. Knowing Steve as well as he felt he did, he knew it had probably been annoying him for quite a while before he said anything and was anxious about how bad he had allowed it to get. Lenny had dismissed any thoughts of continuing the evaluation as he saw how uncomfortable and distressed the young man was and made it his new priority to reconcile the two partners as quickly as possible knowing that if anyone could calm him now it was Mike.

"Alright Steve. You need to calm down. Mike is just down in the coffee shop. I know where he is. He's not going anywhere. Everything's going to be fine. Ok?"

Steve's head was now pounding mercilessly and he could feel his nausea getting worse. Shutting his eyes tight, he brought his free hand up to his forehead and he was swallowing hard and breathing heavily. Lenny suddenly realized that it wasn't just his arm that was bothering the young man in the bed as he shot a worried glance towards the nurse who was trying to stop the flow of blood that had escaped after the needle's removal. She spotted Steve's symptoms too and returned the worried look.

"Could you please go to the nurses station for me and get them to page Dr. Armstrong? I need him to check this young man right away." the nurse spoke urgently.

Lenny sensed the urgency in her voice and answered.

"Of course" and then turning to Steve he spoke again."Steve I just need to get the Doctor paged and then I'll get Mike. Lie still now. I'll be right back" and he raced out the door.

Steve hadn't responded to Lenny, as he was currently living out his own hell. With his eyes closed tight trying to fight back the nausea and the pounding in his brain he couldn't help but feel guilty about Mike and now thanks to Lenny he couldn't get the memory of the two black coffins out of his mind or the memory of his Grandfather that he had been so close to revealing to Mike earlier. The nurse had stopped the bleeding but was still concerned about the swelling so she decided she needed to get ice on it to bring the swelling down. Addressing her patient she spoke firmly but comfortingly.

"Mr. Keller. I need to go and get ice for that arm to reduce the swelling. I will be right back! Don't move now! It will just take a minute."

As the nurse left the room too and Lenny hadn't returned, Steve suddenly realized that he was no longer attached to the drip so there was nothing keeping him in the bed. In his pained and confused state he made the bad decision that he would find Mike himself! So sitting up gingerly cradling his bad arm with his good one he swung his legs off the bed. Realizing that he was still wearing his clothes from yesterday as no-one had wanted to disturb his rest in order to get him back in hospital pyjamas he figured he wouldn't arouse too much suspicion heading downstairs to the coffee shop and so figuring that he would find Mike and ask him to forgive him he carefully stood up. The room swam slightly as a wave of dizziness washed over him but he managed to breathe through it and kept himself upright.

Feeling very shaky he held onto the wall as he made his way to the door. Being upright again was not helping his headache or his stomach and they were both doing their best to stop his progress but determined to find Mike he bravely made it to the door and stepped out into the corridor. However as he stepped outside, the brightness of the corridor burned into his eyes and as another wave of dizziness stronger than the last washed over him Steve had nothing left to hold onto. With his eyes shut tight to block out the sunlight, his legs gave way beneath him and he landed heavily where he stood.

Lenny had just left the nurses station about half way down the corridor and was heading back to Steve when he saw Steve emerge from the room and at the far end of the corridor the nurse had just exited a room carrying an icepack and both of them watched in horror as they saw the young man stagger and fall. They both ran towards the fallen man and reached him at the same time. As the nurse checked him over for new injuries she noticed that the fall had caused his arm to start bleeding again and proceeded to put pressure on it. Meanwhile Lenny lifted Steve's head and shoulders off the cold hospital floor and cradling him he saw that he was struggling to stay conscious.

"Damn it Steve, what were you thinking of getting out of bed? You are in no condition to be roaming around the hospital."Lenny said out of concern and frustration.

Steve heard Lenny's voice as blackness threatened to close in on him.

"Had to find ... Mike ... Have to tell him ... I'm ... sorry." was all he could manage as the blackness won and he slumped in Lenny's arms.

His last thought was of Mike and the last sound he heard was the nurse yelling for help and Lenny's voice telling him to hang on. Unfortunately his request was out of Steve's control on this occasion as oblivion took him to where he felt no more pain.


	14. Chapter 14

**Going Under**

Chapter 14

**A/N : Sorry for the delay in updating. I have been offline for a while. Thank you to all those who have read and reviewed it so far. Here is the next instalment.**

Mike had stirred his second cup of coffee for the thirtieth time without realizing. He was lost in his thoughts watching the clock on the wall of the coffee shop. About forty minutes had passed since Lenny had headed up to Steve and Mike couldn't stop wondering how things were going. He couldn't help but remember how upset Steve had been the last time he had seen him. He had seen the hurt in his eyes and while he had turned his head away to hide his upset, Mike had noticed the tears in his eyes. Steve had been through so much and now he had to suffer an evaluation and while he knew Lenny would be true to his word and would go easy on Steve, he also knew that in his current emotional state talking to Lenny wouldn't be easy.

Before Mike had a chance to think any more, someone shouted his name and as he turned around his heart sank as he saw Lenny dashing towards the coffee shop and heading straight towards him alarmed and slightly out of breath. Abandoning his cup of coffee he grabbed his coat and hat and rushed out to him.

"Lenny what's wrong? Is it Steve?" Mike asked shakily, sensing that something had gone terribly wrong with the evaluation.

Lenny nodded his head.

"Yes. You better come quick. I'll fill you in on the way!"

The two men hurried toward the elevator and as they waited for it to arrive Lenny told Mike about how Steve had seemed out of sorts while they had their talk and how suddenly Steve had grabbed his right arm and appeared to be in a lot of discomfort. As they stepped into the elevator, Lenny told him how the nurse had examined his arm and told them that the I.V had infiltrated and how she had to remove the needle. Mike winced out of sympathy knowing full well Steve's aversion to needles.

"He was complaining about that needle being sore when they put it in when I was with him earlier! Did he get upset at your questions?" Mike asked curiously.

"No. This time it wasn't all my fault Mike! I went to get the doctor and the nurse went to get some ice for his arm and ... well ... he decided to go looking for you! He said he had to find you and tell you he was sorry."

"He got out of bed?" Mike asked horrified. "Looking for me?"

"Yes. He only made it outside the door though when he keeled over ... and passed out!"

The elevator doors had been slow to close so Mike pressed the third floor button repeatedly and impatiently.

"What's the matter with this thing?" Mike asked getting frustrated out of concern for his partner.

Knowing that Steve had fallen while he had been looking for him trying to apologize made the older man feel worse. As the doors finally closed and the elevator headed up towards the third floor Lenny put a calming hand on Mike's shoulder.

"Mike, take it easy. Between me and another orderly we managed to get him back into bed and the doctor was with him when I left. He was starting to come around and he was agitated looking for you so I came to get you. I think he'll calm down when he sees you."

Mike smiled at Lenny for his thoughtfulness and as the elevator doors opened on the third floor both men made their way quickly to Steve's room. Entering the room, the sight of Steve in the bed turned Mike's blood cold. He looked as white as a ghost. He had his eyes shut tight and seemed to be in a lot of pain and discomfort. His right arm was elevated and a nurse was standing over it holding an ice pack where the needle had been and on the other side the Doctor was taking his pulse and trying to talk to Steve but wasn't getting much response.

Seeing Mike enter, the Doctor addressed him.

"Mike! I need you over here. He's been asking for you. His pulse is racing. I need you to talk to him and calm him down. He's not responding for me!"

Mike didn't have to be asked twice and passing behind where the doctor stood he quickly pulled up the chair beside the bed and stroking Steve's forehead he spoke reassuringly.

"Steve? Steve, it's Mike. I need you to look at me now."

Steve stirred slightly at the sound of Mike's voice and although he didn't open his eyes he turned his head in the direction the voice came from and a faint pain filled word left his lips.

"Mike ...?"

"Yes, Steve. I'm here! You better open your eyes and take a look for yourself if you don't believe me. Come on now!"

Steve forced his sore eyes open a little and struggled to keep them that way. But seeing Mike's face, Steve became agitated and grabbing out blindly and catching Mike's arm he spoke emotionally.

"MIKE! ... I'm sorry ! ... I shouldn't ... have sent you away. I'm really sorry ..."

"Shush now. Calm down. You don't have anything to be sorry for. You had every right to be upset. I'm sorry too. Ok? "

"But Mike ... you were right. There is something in that box! I have to tell you about it ..." but as his head pounded, his eyes closed again and he groaned.

"Now, now. It's ok. Take it easy! My gut instinct is rarely wrong but you don't have to tell me now. You need to feel better first ok? Steve, you're in too much pain to go upsetting yourself more. Let the doctor help you and when you're feeling better you can tell me all about it...ok?

Steve nodded painfully.

"Ok ... but Mike ... I am sorry ..."

"I know, I know. Hey, we're ok ...you and me. Alright?"

As Steve looked at Mike once more and appreciated his words and his presence Mike saw the gratitude in his eyes and squeezed his hand.

"Now you talk to the doctor so he can help you ok? I'll be right here with you.I'm not going anywhere. Ok?

Steve nodded very carefully due to the blinding pain throbbing through his skull and turned his head back towards the Doctor gingerly.

The Doctor was smiling at Mike's ability to get through to his young partner and acknowledged his help with an admiring nod. Then turning his attention back to Steve and seeing him wincing visibly he posed his first question.

"How bad is the headache now Steve on a scale of one to ten?"

Steve rubbed at his forehead again with his eyes shut tight and was watched very closely by Mike with a worried look on his face.

Shakily he answered.

"Six ..." and as another merciless throbbing began he continued "maybe seven and I ... feel really sick ..."

Steve hadn't let on to his increasing nausea up to this although the Doctor had reckoned that it probably was going hand in hand with Steve's pounding headache.

"What about your eyes. Are they hurting in bright lights?"

"A little ... but not like before."

Turning his attention now to Steve's swollen and bruised arm that was packed in ice he continued.

"Steve, do you have any pins and needles in your right hand or any numbness at all?"

Steve wasn't expecting that question and shot the Doctor a worried glance through half-opened eyes.

"No ... I don't think so. Why did you ask that?"

"The needle that was in your arm moved and the iv fluid leaked into the surrounding tissue. That's what caused the swelling. I just had to be sure the swelling wasn't affecting the nerves in your hand. Looks like we caught it in time. The ice will help bring the swelling down."

Listening to the Doctor, Mike intervened.

"Has his migraine come back again?"

"I don't think it ever fully went Mike. Like I told you a migraine of that severity can last as long as two days. We were just keeping it at bay with the painkillers. We need to give him another shot of painkiller and anti sickness medicine. But he really needs some proper rest. And your evaluation will have to wait Lenny! He's not up to it just yet."

Lenny nodded at the Doctor, suitably embarrassed and feeling guilty that his difficult questions had probably caused Steve's headache to worsen. Steve felt relieved that the Doctor had rescued him from Lenny's painful questions but was alarmed at the thought of more needles.

"No! ... No more needles ..." he responded shakily catching everyone by surprise.

Knowing Steve's hatred of needles Mike questioned the Doctor on his behalf.

"Couldn't you give him pills instead Doc?"

"Mike. The injections kick in faster and will make him more comfortable sooner as well as the fact that with his nausea so bad I can't be sure he wouldn't throw them back up. I'm sorry Mike but he has to get two more shots."

Knowing that the Doctor was right Mike turned his attention back to the young man in the bed.

"He's right Steve. The needles will have you feeling better quicker. I know you're fed up with them but just two more ok? Then you'll be done with them. Alright?"

Steve groaned but not wanting to make a scene he just nodded reluctantly. Not being able to use the sore arm the Doctor tried to get a vein in Steve's other arm but wasn't successful. The only one he could get was in the back of his left hand. Knowing how Steve despised needles and how sore that spot can be for injections Dr. Armstrong broached the subject very carefully.

"Steve. You have the worst veins I've seen in a long time. I'm going to have to give you these in the back of your hand but you must keep your hand still for me. I want you to make a fist and we'll get this over with as quickly as possible. Ok?"

Steve was not overjoyed at the prospect but again with Mike and Lenny in attendance he was doing his best to put on a brave front so he made a fist as requested but could feel his heart starting to pound faster. As the Doctor inserted the needle he flinched involuntarily and the Doctor chastised him for it.

"Steve! You must stay still!"

Seeing Steve struggling Mike intervened and held his hand still for him and spoke soothingly to him noticing a cold sweat breaking out on his forehead at the ordeal.

"Ok Steve. Take it easy. Breathe nice and slow through it and it will be over in no time."

Steve's head was pounding and the nausea was threatening to overwhelm him at the sensation of the needle pushing medicine into the vein in the back of his hand. Mike could feel Steve trembling from where he was holding his wrist still and studied him closely. He had his eyes closed and was swallowing repeatedly. Looking up at the Doctor, Mike spoke quietly.

"Doc. You better finish this up quickly. The boy's looking a bit green around the gills!"

"Alright Mike. I noticed. We're just done." and with that the doctor removed the needle and placing cotton wool on the spot he got Mike to press down on it to stop the bleeding. Then turning to Steve he issued instructions.

"Ok Steve, just take it easy now. Those shots should kick in very soon and you'll feel better. Then it's strict, quiet rest for you for at least the next twelve hours if we're going to beat this migraine and I want you to drink lots of water and keep hydrated as soon as the nausea goes away. Ok?"

Steve nodded but remained with his eyes shut tight. With that the Doctor's pager went off and looking at it, he sighed.

"I'm needed in the ER again. I have to go. I'll pop back as soon as I can to check on you Steve. Mike, make sure he takes things easy " and with that the Doctor turned and left the room.

Mike glanced anxiously at Steve and patted his arm.

"You did good buddy boy. You can relax now."

Mike could see Steve visibly relax and he smiled although his smile faded as he lifted the cotton wool to see if the bleeding had stopped only to see a large bruise spreading over the back of Steve's hand. Alerting the nurse she went to fetch some ice for it. When she returned with the ice, Mike thanked her and placed it on Steve's hand causing Steve to flinch.

"Easy, easy Mike!" he said painfully.

"Sorry buddy boy. Is it very sore?"

Again Steve nodded carefully. Examining the back of Steve's hand and wincing sympathetically Mike continued.

"Well, I'm not surprised. Your veins seem to have a bigger aversion to needles than you have buddy boy! If we don't get you out of here soon you're going to be one large walking bruise!"

Steve forced a half-smile but Mike saw through it.

"Just try to rest now Steve until the pain eases."

Lenny chimed in next unexpectedly.

"Mike, my sister used to suffer migraines. A cold compress on the forehead can help sometimes."

"Good idea Lenny! Here hold this on his hand for me."

While Lenny took over ice pack duty Mike headed for the sink. Retrieving his ever-present clean handkerchief from his pocket, he ran the water and soaked the handkerchief in the ice-cold water and wrung it out. Then returning to Steve, he placed it on Steve's forehead. Steve flinched at first but then relaxed as the cool compress gave some relief to the throbbing pain that was assaulting him mercilessly. Taking back over icepack duty from Lenny, Mike sat down and spoke softly.

"Does that help buddy boy?" Mike asked hopefully.

"Yeah ... thanks."

"Good, now don't try to talk. Just lie still and give those meds a chance to kick in. There'll be plenty of time to talk later."

Lenny pulled the blinds and darkened the room and the two men sat and watched the young man in the bed for around half an hour. Steve had lain still for the whole time, not moving much with his eyes closed and Mike had changed the cool compress a couple of times during that time. Lenny and Mike had chatted quietly while the young man rested. Steve hadn't opened his eyes once and the two men had assumed that he had drifted off to sleep. After half an hour, he seemed to have relaxed. He was breathing steadily and the pain that had been visibly etched on his face seemed to have eased. Turning to Lenny, Mike spoke.

"He seems a little easier now. Hopefully he'll sleep for a while."

Lenny nodded but then Steve's voice caught the two men off guard.

"I'm not asleep ... I was just resting my eyes."

Opening his eyes Steve looked at Mike and smiled. Mike smiled back.

"I thought you'd drifted off. How's the pain now?"

"Yeah ... It's better. Although I think I'm getting frostbite in two places!" Steve added referring to the ice packs on his arm and hand.

Mike chuckled and removed the one on his hand.

"Well, I can take this one off but the nurse has to give you the all clear on the other one. Looks like your sense of humour is back at least. That has to be a good sign."

Steve smiled and then turned serious again.

"Mike ..."

Mike patted his arm. "You really are itching to tell me what's chewing on you huh? What do you think Lenny? Is the boy up to it?"

Lenny looked between the two men and gave his answer.

"In my job, when someone is ready to share it's usually beneficial to let them. If his headache has eased up, I don't see the harm in it but then your medical doctor might disagree with me."

Mike studied Steve closely and decided that the boy had waited long enough to tell Mike what he needed to.

"Ok buddy boy. If you feel up to it. Lenny, could you give us a few minutes please?"

But as Lenny stood up to leave Steve spoke again.

"No Mike. Lenny can stay."

Lenny hadn't expected that reaction and shot Mike a curious glance which Mike returned.

"Are you sure Steve?"

"Yeah ... it's ok. He needs to hear this too. "

Lenny sat back down and was moved by the fact that Steve was allowing him to stay while he revealed personal details to Mike.

"Ok buddy boy. Take your time. We're listening."

Steve seemed to take a deep breath as if to compose himself and then looking at Mike he spoke shakily.

"The rescue was a rough one and I'll admit it shook me a bit but that's not what caused my migraine. And Lenny, it's nothing to do with my parents ... Helping Ruby stirred up some memories that I never really dealt with I guess and they've been back in my mind ever since."

Mike had listened carefully and was becoming a little anxious about the reason behind Steve's current angst.

"Is it about your Grandfather?"

"Yeah .. you see Mike ..." Steve swallowed hard as he struggled to tell Mike about the bad memory that he had never revealed to anyone before and felt the lump return to his throat. "I found him ..."

Slightly confused and even more anxious Mike replied.

"Steve. You've lost me now. What do you mean by you found him?"

"The day he ... passed away ... I ... I found him ..." Steve said getting upset.

Mike's blood ran cold and he exchanged a worried glance with Lenny. Almost afraid of the answer he would receive he asked his next question.

"Steve. How old were you when you ... found him?"

"Fifteen. I was fifteen."

Lenny intervened at this stage and seeing Steve struggling with his emotions he placed a hand on Steve's shoulder.

"Steve, finding someone we care about like that is traumatic at any age but at fifteen you were still just a child. Take your time and tell us what happened slowly ok? There's no pressure. If you need to stop at any stage or you feel you can't continue that's ok."

Then both men exchanged a brief concerned glance between them as they watched the young man in the bed closely and waited to hear what trauma he had suffered that would cause him such pain and heartache.


	15. Chapter 15

**Going Under**

Chapter 15

Steve nodded gratefully at Lenny then closing his eyes and taking a deep breath he summoned up the courage to continue. Then looking at the bed covers and not at the two men in the room he spoke quietly and shakily.

"I knew he wasn't well that morning ... He was acting strange and was unusually quiet. He was talking about things he wouldn't normally talk about. I didn't want to go to school ... Something didn't feel right. I pleaded with him to let me stay home but he was a stickler for me not missing school so he kept insisting I go. But ... he didn't drive me like he normally would. He rang a neighbour of ours down the road. Mr. Richards. He and my Grandfather were very good friends. He was the caretaker at the highschool I went to. He asked him if he would drive me to school and bring me home that day and he said he would. He only ever got our neighbour to bring me, if he wasn't feeling well or if he had somewhere else he had to go ..."

Steve trailed off as the memory of that fateful day filled his mind and replayed over in his mind vividly. He stayed lost in his thoughts for a good few seconds and Mike looked at Lenny for guidance as to whether they should interrupt him or not. Lenny quietly gestured to leave him be and sure enough Steve seemed to come back to the present and realizing that he had stopped his story quite suddenly he looked embarrassed and addressed the two men.

"Sorry ... where was I?"

"You were getting a lift to school from Mr. Richards." Lenny answered helpfully.

"Oh yeah. Well he came to drive me to school but I wasn't happy about it. My Grandfather ... was really strange saying goodbye that day. He'd normally pat me on the back and wave me off but that day he grabbed me in a hug and it was as if he didn't want to let go. I begged him again to let me stay home but he wouldn't let me. He kept saying everything was fine and he'd see me later. But as soon as I got in the truck he went back in the house and never waved. I got to school but I couldn't concentrate on anything. I had this awful feeling that something bad had happened so ... I pretended I was sick and that I needed to go home."

Steve glanced up at Mike briefly wondering if he would disapprove of Steve's feigned illness but all he saw was sympathy and empathy so he glanced back down at the covers and continued.

"I found Mr. Richards and told him I didn't need a lift later, that I was going to walk home. He said I shouldn't walk if I wasn't feeling well, that I should stay in his office until it was home time and that he'd drive me as he'd promised my Grandfather but I insisted that I was ok. When I got outside and down the road a ways, I started running and I ran all the way home. It was an overcast day and when I was about half way home, the rain started ... It was torrential ... But I didn't stop ... I just knew I had to get home as fast as I could."

Steve paused for a minute as the memory of that journey home flooded his mind. He remembered how he had been soaked through and chilled to the bone and how tired and out of breath he had been when he ran through the gate on his arrival home. Mike took the opportunity that the pause provided to ask a question that was bothering him.

"Steve. How far was the school from your house?"

Mike's question brought Steve back to the present again and looking at Mike briefly he shrugged his shoulders and answered.

"I don't know exactly. I guess ... about three miles or so."

Mike thought about Steve, just fifteen years old, running that distance home in the pouring rain not knowing what he was about to find and a lump rose in his throat. He glanced at Lenny and saw that Lenny looked like he had the same image in his mind and as their eyes met briefly, it was clear that they both felt for the young man in the bed who had suffered through that without telling another soul. Mike cleared his throat and spoke to Steve.

"Sorry for interrupting buddy boy. Go ahead."

"When I got home, I saw his truck out front so I knew he wasn't out but I searched the house and couldn't find him. I went to check his bedroom as he sometimes went to lie down if he wasn't feeling well but he wasn't there either. His keys and his wallet were on the bedside locker so I started to worry about where he was. That's when I looked out the bedroom window and ... I saw him out back ... lying in the rain ..."

Steve's voice broke slightly and he stopped talking as the memory of that vision came back to haunt him. He could still see him lying there not moving and how his heart had almost stopped with the shock of it ... He remembered holding his breath for a few seconds and subconsciously held it again as he recalled it now. This was not lost on the two men in the room and Mike again looked at Lenny for guidance. This time Lenny was anxious too and intervened swiftly.

"Steve. Take it easy. Breathe nice and slowly. I know that it's hard telling us this." and then watching Steve's eyes in a faraway trance he added "You're seeing it all again aren't you? Just like it happened all those years ago?"

Steve looked at Lenny and nodded and Mike felt as if his heart would break for Steve. For all the time they'd been partners Mike had never been aware of the full amount of heartache he had endured as a child and yet he had grown into such a fine young man who cared for others and helped so many. Feeling his own emotions start to waver he reached out and placed a hand on Steve's shoulder.

"Maybe you should take a break from telling us anymore just yet ... I don't want you getting too upset Steve. You've been through enough for one day. You need to get some rest buddy boy just like the Doctor said."

Lenny immediately went into psychiatrist mode and chimed in.

"On the contrary Mike, Steve needs to share this while it's so clear in his mind. If you stop him now he could bury those memories again and you could set back his recovery. Once he's talked them out, he can deal with them and his rest will be more beneficial."

Mike's hackles rose.

"Now listen Lenny! You're doing it again! Letting the psychiatrist part of you run riot. Steve is not a guinea pig you can experiment on with your so-called theories and fancy words. I think he needs to rest to get rid of this migraine and he can't do that if you're forcing him to relive traumas that he suffered fifteen years ago!"

"Now listen Mike! That's out of line! I think I'm more qualified to assess this situation than you are and I don't consider Steve to be an experiment of any kind. I want what's best for him just the same as you do!"

"Well then you'd let him rest!"

Steve watched and listened as the two men argued over him and with the memory of his dear Grandfather lying motionless in the rain still haunting his thoughts and with his emotions fraying more by the minute Steve raised his voice to get both men's attention.

"GUYS! ... Do I get a say in this or am I just a spectator here, huh?"

Both men were caught off guard by Steve's interjection and both looked suitably embarrassed at discussing Steve so blatantly in his presence. Mike was the first one to speak.

"I'm sorry buddy boy. You're absolutely right. It's entirely up to you whether you want to continue this now or not!"

Lenny spoke next.

"I'm sorry too Steve. Mike's right. It has to be your decision, not ours. We just want what's best for you that's all. We just disagree on which way is the best I guess."

Steve addressed them both more calmly this time.

"I know you both do ... Mike, I know you just want me to rest and you're right I need to so I can get rid of this migraine once and for all and I promise I will but I need to get this off my chest now first while I feel able to. And Lenny, you need to know that I'm not sharing this for the Captain's benefit but so that I can put this behind me and move on. But you're also right, it's easier to talk about it when it's so clear in my head so I'd like to get it over with now if that's ok?

Mike and Lenny looked at each other again and realized that what Steve needed and wanted to do was important for his recovery so they agreed to go ahead with it and told Steve to continue in his own time. Finding it increasingly hard to continue his story he had to slow down his breathing and almost force the words out.

"I ran down the stairs and out to him. He wasn't moving and he was ice-cold ..."

Steve shuddered subconsciously at the memory of how cold he was and both men in the room again noticed it and remained watching him closely both starting to feel anxious about how the story was going to end.

"I'd never ... seen anyone dead before ... I know it sounds crazy but I thought ... he was just cold from lying out in the rain. I tried to rouse him but he wouldn't respond so I ran back into the house and rang the emergency services. I gave them the address and they said they'd send an ambulance. Then I found an old raincoat belonging to my Grandfather and went back out. I tried to keep the rain off him and I held him and waited for the ambulance ... "

Steve trailed off again briefly but he seemed to be struggling with the next part and Mike began to worry again. Lenny reached over and patted his right hand.

"Steve, nice and slowly now. Take your time remember?"

Steve nodded and after a few seconds he felt able to continue ... just about ...

"The rain had caused a mudslide ... back on the road from town. The ambulance was delayed. It didn't get to us for ... an hour and a half ..."

Steve stopped abruptly as his emotions threatened to overwhelm him. He could feel tears forming and blinked his eyes to try to clear them. Not succeeding very well he brought his bruised hand up to his face and felt easier hiding behind it until he could get control of his emotions better.

Mike listened horrified. Leaning in towards Steve he placed a supportive hand on Steve's shoulder and seeing the young man so upset he clarified.

"Steve, are you telling us that at fifteen years of age you held your Grandfather in the pouring rain outside for an hour and a half before help came?"

Steve didn't remove his hand or look at Mike but nodded his head instead. Mike squeezed his shoulder and felt a tear or two form in his own eyes as he pictured that image of Steve and suddenly understood why he had shuddered so violently. Looking over at Lenny, he was even more astonished to see moisture in his colleagues eyes too. All three remained that way silently for several minutes as they all dealt with that revelation in their own way. Lenny was the first one to pull himself together and address Steve.

"Steve ... For the first time in as long as I can remember I'm speechless. That was a horrendous thing for any fifteen year old to go through. Are you able to tell us what happened when the ambulance arrived?"

Steve swallowed hard and knew he had to get past that memory to fully deal with it so he braced himself again and removing his hand he spoke shakily.

"Yeah ... when they got there they brought me back into the house. They said ... he was gone. That there was nothing they could do. They said he'd been ... dead for hours. They said ... I was in shock and insisted on checking me over. Then they asked me if I could go stay with anyone as I was too young to stay by myself ... so I told them about my aunt and they called her. She came over and took me back with her ... I went to live with her after that ..."

Steve suddenly felt really cold and started to shiver. Suddenly he couldn't seem to tolerate the ice pack on his right arm any longer. His arm felt numb and he felt it was chilling him all over. Mike and Lenny both noticed him shivering and became alarmed. Mike jumped up from where he had been sitting and addressed Steve.

"Steve! Are you ok? What's the matter? Are you cold?"

Steve answered through chattering teeth.

"Yeah ... Could you call the nurse Mike and get her to take this ice pack off please! ... It's making me cold."

Mike was concerned and pressed the bell for the nurse and then placed his hand on Steve's forehead to check for a temperature but instead he felt cold to the touch. Waiting for the nurse to get there he called over to Lenny who didn't seem as concerned as Mike was.

"Lenny, hand me that blanket over there please!"

Lenny handed Mike the blanket and Mike proceeded to cover Steve with it. The nurse arrived and Mike told her that the ice pack was bothering him and like Steve had requested, he asked if she could remove it. The nurse seemed as concerned as Mike had been and placed her hand on Steve's forehead too. Mike knew she was thinking the same thing that he had been and spoke again.

"I checked that too..he's cold!"

"Yes ... he certainly is. Let's check the arm." the nurse replied and she gently removed the ice pack from Steve's arm.

Being careful not to touch the extended bruising too much she examined the needle site and the swelling around it. Then she addressed her patient.

"Well, the swelling has come down a good deal but there's still some there. Seeing as you're feeling the cold I'll remove it for now but the Doctor may want it back on again later. " Then thinking to herself she continued. "Actually we could try to alternate cold and heat on it instead. Sometimes that works better. I'll get a heat pack for it and that will help warm you up too. I'll just go and get it and be right back" and with that she left the room.

Mike thanked her and then noticed again that Lenny wasn't as concerned as he was. Curiosity got the better of him and taking Lenny by the arm he guided him towards the window out of earshot of Steve.

"Lenny, what gives? You don't seem overly concerned about Steve suddenly turning into an ice-cube!"

"I'm not! He's manifesting!"

"What are you talking about, Lenny? Let's talk english huh? Just for me. Ok?"

Lenny smiled and explained.

"He's just relived that day in his head. The brain is an amazing thing Mike. It doesn't just recall memories. It recalls feelings too. You heard him! He was soaked through, chilled to the bone most likely, and in shock so he feels that way again. See?"

"Wait a minute! You're saying that he's cold because he's remembering how he felt fifteen years ago? Lenny! Come on!"

"I'm telling you Mike. The ice pack on his arm only served as a reminder of how cold he was. He'll be ok. Mark my words!"

With that the nurse reappeared and placed the heat pack on Steve's arm and pulled the blanket up around him.

"That should do the trick. I'll call back in a few minutes to check if you've warmed up yet. Ok?"

Steve nodded his thanks and she left as quickly as she had arrived.

Lenny then tapped Mike's shoulder.

"Come on. I'll show you what I mean!"

Heading back to Steve, Mike was just a step behind. Lenny approached the bed. Steve was huddled under the blanket still visibly shivering.

"Steve. When the ambulance arrived that day were you cold like you are now?"

"I guess so yeah."

"Were you shivering like you are now?"

"I don't know. I guess I was. Why?"

"Steve. Do you remember in detail what happened when the ambulance arrived that day?"

"Yeah, like I said they checked him. They said he was dead. Then they checked me over and called my aunt."

"EXACTLY! Don't you both see?"

Steve and Mike looked at each other confused as Mike resumed his seat beside his partner and pulled the blanket up around the young man, still very concerned about how cold he seemed to be and not totally convinced about Lenny's theory. Seeing Steve as confused as he was he answered for them both.

"You've lost us Lenny! See what?"

"Steve remembers everything in vivid detail until the moment the ambulance crew told him that his Grandfather was gone and then his mind is blocking. Everything after that is very vague. Mere snippets of information. That's why he's feeling cold. His mind is stuck on that moment and won't let him past it! I'd even wager that's what causing the migraine. Steve? Will you trust me to try something? Something that will get you past that memory and help you deal with it?"

Steve looked questioningly at Mike not quite sure if he wanted Lenny messing with his head or not. Mike just patted his shoulder and smiled.

"It's up to you buddy boy."

Steve shivered again and felt lousy. He reckoned that it couldn't make him feel any worse so feeling that he had nothing to lose letting him try he nodded at Lenny.

"Ok. What do you want me to do?"

"I need you to close your eyes Steve. I want you to concentrate on your breathing. Slow it down. Be aware of it. Try to relax and when you feel relaxed I want you to remember that time when the ambulance crew were at the house. I want you to focus on it Steve. Can you see it for me?"

Steve had closed his eyes and done what he was told. While he was still shivering he had slowed his breathing like he had been requested to do and Mike was watching them both closely not entirely happy with what Lenny was trying to do, afraid that Lenny would do more harm than good. Steve seemed to shut his eyes a little tighter and answered a little too breathlessly for Mike's liking.

"Yeah ... I see it"

"Ok Steve. What's happening?"

"They've left him ... in the rain. I want them to get him out of the rain."

Steve was getting agitated just as he had that day and Lenny pulled it back slightly as Mike covered his face with one hand and patted Steve's arm with the other soothingly almost reliving the trauma with him, still horrified at what he was hearing.

"Ok Steve, it's alright. They got him out of the rain. Didn't they?"

Steve calmed a little but was still shaking.

"Yeah ... eventually they did."

"Ok, let's concentrate on you for the moment, shall we? You're soaked through and you're freezing cold. They're worried about you aren't they?"

"Yeah ... they say I'm in shock ... but I'm ok. "

"How did they help you Steve?

Steve squinted his eyes tighter still as he struggled to remember .

"They made me change out of my wet clothes into dry ones but I was still cold!"

"Go on Steve. How else did they try to warm you up."

"The stove was still lit. The kitchen was warm. They ... sat me in front of it. They got a blanket off my Grandfather's chair and wrapped it around me."

"That's good Steve. I want you to feel the warmth coming off the stove and the warmth of the blanket around your shoulders. Can you feel it Steve?"

Steve's shivering visibly lessened and Mike looked amazed at Lenny and back at Steve.

"Yeah. I feel it!"

"Good Steve. Did your aunt come then?

"Yeah ... shortly after."

Steve became slightly agitated again and Lenny noticing, queried it.

"Steve. Why are you getting alarmed?"

"It's my fault! I shouldn't have left him. I should have stayed home."

Steve was getting visibly upset and Mike looked up at Lenny concerned and spoke firmly.

"Lenny, stop this now! You're just going to upset him!"

"Hold on Mike. Trust me. We're nearly done" and turning his attention back to the young man in the bed he continued.

"Steve. It wasn't your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this from happening the way it did."

Steve started to shake his head from side to side and started to breathe heavily caught in that tortuous moment in time.

" I want them all to leave! I don't want to go with them."

"LENNY ! Stop this now or I will! " Mike ordered Lenny shooting him the by now infamous Stone glare.

"Ok Mike. I will. It's ok. He had to confront these feelings so he can put them behind him." Then turning back to Steve he spoke calmly and firmly.

"Steve. It's ok. I want you to relax. Everything's alright. The people there are just trying to help you. You're perfectly safe."

But Steve was not responding. He was still upset and very agitated

"No! This can't be happening! He can't be gone!"

"LENNY! " Mike hollered again.

Lenny put his hand up to assure Mike and knew Mike was right. Touching Steve's shoulder he spoke clearly and firmly again.

"STEVE! IT'S LENNY ! I want you to listen to my voice! Everything's alright. You're warm and you're safe. I want you to open your eyes and look at me now."

Steve seemed to snap back at the sound of Lenny's voice and opening his eyes he looked around at where he was and the two men at his bed side. Feeling shaken and now slightly embarrassed he covered his face with his bruised hand again and struggled to get his emotions back under his control again.

"Are you ok buddy boy?" Mike asked concerned by the young man's demeanour and still glaring at Lenny for causing him more angst.

"Yeah ... I'm ok Mike ..." Steve answered shakily.

But still Mike remained unconvinced that he was. Turning his attention back to Lenny he spoke crossly.

"Lenny! Are you happy now? Have you upset him enough to satisfy your professional interest?" But as the words left his mouth he regretted them as he saw how hurt Lenny was by them.

Lenny looked suitably admonished but before he had a chance to respond Steve spoke softly drawing both their attention.

"Mike. Don't blame Lenny. He was right. I blocked out a lot of things about that day. I had to deal with them."

Mike felt sorry for his words and looked at Lenny.

"I'm sorry Lenny. I was out of line. Forgive me."

Lenny smiled at Mike.

"There's nothing to forgive Mike! It's ok." Then turning to Steve he posed one last healing question. "Steve? Did you ever find out how he died?"

"Yeah ... It was a massive heart attack ...The coroner reckoned by the time of death that he died shortly after I'd left that morning." Steve said sadly then turning to Mike with visible tears in his eyes he added. "I shouldn't have left him Mike ..."

Mike grabbed his shoulder affectionately and supportively.

"Now listen to me Steve! There was nothing you could have done that you didn't already do even if you had stayed. You couldn't drive. You were only fifteen! You still would have called an ambulance and you still would have had to wait for it to arrive! If it was a massive heart attack then there was nothing anyone could have done to stop it and believe me Steve ... he wouldn't want you to have witnessed that! My guess is that he had an inkling that something was going to happen. Sometimes people just know. That's why he sent you to school. Tell me now, when Mr Richards drove you home normally did he just drop you at the gate or did he come in the house with you and talk to your Grandfather?"

Steve brushed a tear from his eye that was threatening to fall and thought about what Mike had said and asked.

"No ... he'd normally come in and pass the time of day for a while. Why did you ask that?"

Mike smiled warmly and squeezed Steve's shoulder.

"Don't you see buddy boy? He didn't want you to find him like you did. He'd hoped that Mr Richards would have been with you when he was found, he was trying to protect you from that. "

Steve stared at Mike as it dawned on him that Mike was right and he felt his emotions threaten to choke him. Mike continued fondly.

"I guess he didn't count on that sixth sense of yours making you come home early huh? Steve! I think you've dwelt on this enough now. You look exhausted. You need to get some rest now. Ok?"

Steve nodded sadly at Mike but then spoke again emotionally.

"Mike ... There's still one thing not resolved!"

"What's that?" Mike asked concerned.

Steve looked at Mike and as fresh tears appeared to glisten in his eyes he answered shakily.

"There's something in the box. ... Remember?"

Mike had forgotten about the box and now his blood ran cold as he wondered what it could possibly be. Looking at Lenny who also appeared to be concerned, Mike knew in that instant that Steve's troubles were not quite over yet!


	16. Chapter 16

**Going Under**

Chapter 16

Mike could see that Steve was still very fragile after relaying his tragic story and he looked exhausted on top of everything else. Mike felt that maybe they should leave the contents of the box for another day but he also felt that Lenny would strongly disagree with that opinion. So studying Steve closely he ventured.

"Steve. Maybe we should leave that until tomorrow. What do you think?"

Sure enough Lenny piped up immediately.

"What box are we talking about? If there's something that needs resolving Mike. Better to get it over with now rather than leave it to fester into something worse than it already is!"

Mike felt that he was getting a little tired too and perhaps that's why Lenny seemed to be aggravating him so much but rather than cause another argument in front of Steve, he decided to leave it up to Steve this time.

"Well buddy boy, do you want to deal with this now?"

Steve looked thoughtful for a few seconds and then looked between both men and seemed to make his decision.

"Lenny's right Mike. Best get it over with ..."

"Ok. Steve what's in the box that's unresolved?" Mike asked tentatively yet almost dreading the answer he would receive. Especially as he hadn't noticed anything strange or unusual when he had replaced the contents the day at Steve's apartment when it had fallen from the top closet shelf.

Steve seemed to take a deep breath and with a nervous tone in his voice he answered.

"A letter ..."

"From your Grandfather?" Mike inquired carefully watching the young man for any adverse reaction to his questions.

"Yeah ... My aunt found it on the kitchen table that day ... addressed to me. It wasn't there when I left that morning so we assumed he'd written it after I left and before ..."

Steve trailed off unable to finish the sentence and looked at the covers again idly scratching the blanket in a nervous manner with his bruised hand again seemingly lost in the memory of that fateful day. Mike glanced at Lenny and saw him gesture for him to draw Steve out again and suddenly hated the whole situation, but knowing that Lenny would be more forthright with Steve and probably cause more angst to the young man than he would, he felt that it was better for him to continue.

"Steve. I don't really understand. Was there something in that letter that upset you?"'

Steve never looked up but a look of embarrassment briefly crossed over his face and as he continuing nervously scratching at the blanket he seemed to start breathing more heavily and while only a minute or two passed he seemed to take forever to answer. Eventually, he spoke shakily.

"That's just it Mike ... I ... I never opened it! ..."

He briefly glanced up and caught Mike's eye and looked away again just as quickly when he saw the shocked look on his partner's face and then began nervously tapping the blanket and seemed to be getting distressed.

Sensing Steve's unease Mike reached out and stilled Steve's hand with his own and spoke soothingly.

"Hey, hey now. Take it easy. It's ok." and as he watched Steve calm down a little he continued warily "But Steve, why didn't you open it? Were you afraid of what it would say?"

"No ... it wasn't that. I ... I don't know why. I must have picked it up a hundred times but I could never bring myself to open it ... I haven't thought about if for years now. I only remembered it when you told me how the box fell out of the closet that time."

Before Mike could say another word Lenny spoke.

"I think I know why!"

Mike looked over at Lenny.

"Well, I'm sure you're going to enlighten us in your own time!" Mike said more sarcastically than he intended but Lenny just took Mike's remark in his stride and continued his explanation.

"That letter is Steve's last contact from his Grandfather. To open it and read it means the contact is over. While it remains unopened Steve still has one last remnant of his Grandfather to hold onto."

Mike looked at Steve and saw him react to Lenny's theory. He seemed to slump back against the pillows and his reluctance to catch their eyes made Mike believe that Lenny had got it spot on. Still covering Steve's hand with his own he squeezed it gently so as not to aggravate the bruise that was still very evident and sore looking on the back and reaching over with his other hand he lifted Steve's chin to force him to look at him.

"Is that it Steve? Is that the reason?"

Steve looked at him and Mike could tell that he was struggling to keep his emotions in check. Taking a deep breath he looked at Mike sadly.

"Maybe ... I don't know."

Mike looked sympathetically at his partner and wished in that instant that he could somehow take away the heartache he was witnessing and the sadness that was so evident deep in those green eyes.

Lenny didn't want to disturb the tender scene that was playing out in front of him but he also knew professionally that if Steve got too upset then they would have to postpone opening the letter to another time and that would only serve to prolong the distress and the anguish of the young man in the bed so reluctantly Lenny reached over and touched Steve's right arm causing Steve to look at him and away from Mike

"Steve. That unopened letter is one of the reasons why you can't put this behind you. You need to open it and read it. It will give you closure Steve once and for all."

Steve acknowledged Lenny's professional opinion with a nod and answered uneasily.

"I know ..."

Mike was very concerned at Steve's downhearted demeanour. This whole incident had taken a visible toll on his partner and he wished that he could help him put it behind him and that life could get back to normal for the young man as soon as possible so he spoke next.

"Steve. Where is the box?"

"In the locker ..."

Mike opened the locker and leaning over he reached in and removed the box. As he took it out he was sure he heard Steve take an intake of breath as his eyes caught sight of the box. Steve struggled to pull himself up higher in the bed due to his right arm being so sore and Lenny rushed forward and helped him. Now in a sitting position he accepted the box from Mike and placed it on the bed beside him. Opening it slowly he took another deep breath and nervously flicked through the photos until his fingers came across the unopened letter. Picking it up he placed it on his lap and held it for several seconds before looking up at both men in the room. While he had retrieved the letter there had been an unnatural silence in the room borne out of respect for the man who had written it and concern for the young man who was facing a personal struggle to open it after all this time.

Steve placed his fingers on the handwriting that he recognized, that in this instance spelt out his own name. He then turned it over and touched the seal that he knew he had to break. His heart began to pound and a cold sweat broke out on his forehead. The silence in the room was overwhelming and Steve could feel the eyes of both men burning into him as they watched his inner struggle. He felt his throat almost constrict with the emotions that were assaulting him and he knew that he would fail again as he had all the other times that he had tried to open this letter. Feeling embarrassed at his weakness in front of Mike and Lenny he dropped the letter back onto the bed and brought his bruised hand up over his face and brokenly uttered.

"I'm sorry ... I can't !"

Seeing Steve's distress Mike jumped up and sat on the bed beside his partner and grasping the back of Steve's neck gently and affectionately as he had done before many times in the course of their partnership he downplayed the situation as best he could to save the young man's embarrassment.

"Ok. Ok now. It's alright. I know it's difficult."

Then thinking of something that might help the young man he leaned in and almost whispered to Steve.

"What if I open it and read it for you? Do you think that would be ok? "

Steve pulled his hand down to his chin and rubbed at it nervously considering what his partner had just offered. Steve knew that he wouldn't have let anybody open that letter but somehow Mike was different. He had become to him over the last two years what Harry had been to him all those years ago and while he couldn't quite explain how, Mike's suggestion seemed to be the perfect solution to him. As he looked at Mike with unshed tears and gratitude in his eyes he again struggled to form the words he needed.

"Yeah ... I guess that ... would be ok."

The words came out in almost gasps as Steve appeared to be struggling to hold back a tidal wave of emotions that Mike reckoned he had held onto since his Grandfather's death. Not quite knowing how Steve was going to be able to maintain his already tenuous hold on his emotions as Mike read Harry's words, he began to worry about the effect it was going to have on the young man and once more he glanced at Lenny for some form of professional guidance on how to proceed.

Lenny had observed the proceedings very carefully and while he read the panicked look that Mike had directed at him and understood perfectly the reason for his concern, Lenny knew as a psychiatrist that the tidal wave would have to be allowed to take its course for things to resume normality so with no qualms whatsoever he gestured for Mike to open it and read.

Mike however was not convinced that Lenny was right and decided a few more minutes wouldn't make much difference so turning to Lenny he addressed him calmly and firmly.

"Lenny, could I speak to you outside for a few minutes please?"

Sensing another argument brewing between the two men and hating that it was entirely his fault he grabbed Mike's arm and groaned pleadingly.

"Aw Mike ... No ... No more arguing ... Please!"

"It's ok. We're not going to argue. I promise you. I just need to speak to him for a few minutes. Ok? You have to trust me now. You do trust me now don't you?"

"Yes ... you know I do."

"Ok then. Just lie back and take it easy for a few minutes and we'll be right back. Ok?"

Steve did as he was asked and lay back against the pillows but he was still anxious about whatever conversation Mike felt he had to have with Lenny. However, he watched as the two men got up and went outside and even the comforting smile that Mike directed at him before he exited and closed the door behind him didn't serve to ease his misgivings. He listened for raised voices that would confirm what he feared but none came so he waited patiently all the while staring at the unopened letter in his lap.

Outside, Lenny had turned to face Mike almost expecting a repeat performance of the evening before, knowing that out of concern for Steve, Mike's emotions were running high however instead of the rant that he expected, Mike took him by the arm and led him quietly further down the corridor. Then calmly he asked Lenny.

"Do you honestly believe in your professional opinion that he's up to hearing whatever is in that letter?"

"Mike, I understand your concerns ..."

"Do you? Do you really? Well in case you don't let me spell it out for you. That boy in there, in as far as I can tell, and I think I know him better than most, is on the edge. He's just one more upset away from an emotional collapse and ... well quite frankly that concerns me. Steve isn't one to show how he feels as you know and if he breaks down in there it will chew on him. In front of me, well, I think he'll get over it but if he breaks in front of you, well I'm not sure what that will do to him! Like I said Steve seems to have programmed himself to never show any weakness. He hides how he feels and when he hurts and I think that hearing whatever this letter holds is going to be a tough one to deal with, even for Steve."

Mike finished telling Lenny his concerns about his partner and when he finished he leaned back against the wall of the corridor and rubbed a hand over his face. Lenny had listened respectfully and could see how worried Mike was. Lenny felt slightly torn. He wanted to reassure him that everything would be fine but professionally he knew that Mike's concerns were valid and that the reading of the letter in Steve's current state of mind would lead to a break down of some kind so he spoke the only truth he felt that he should.

"Mike! Like I said, I understand your concerns. That letter is going to be tough for Steve to hear. It is the last tenuous hold he kept onto a Grandfather that he quite obviously idolized. He has kept if for so long unopened that he has probably imagined a hundred things that his Grandfather could have said in it. So much so, that what actual words there are might be a disappointment to him or on the other end of the scale might be hugely better than he expected. Either way he is going to react to what he hears as a last one-sided conversation from a man he cherished. But no matter how you want to protect him from that Mike and your loyalty is admirable, deep down you must see that to not let him open it is just prolonging the agony indefinitely and the truth is that he has to hear that letter and deal with the feelings it evokes before he can move on and reset that programme that you spoke about of his."

Mike had listened to Lenny with equal respect and knew that he was right but he only wished it helped him feel better about the whole thing. Before he had a chance to process fully all that Lenny had said Lenny spoke again more urgently this time.

"Mike, we shouldn't leave him too long either. He's probably in there worrying about what we're talking about which will only serve to increase his anxiety as well as the fact that he's probably staring at that letter in there and getting uneasier by the minute. Let's not put this off any longer. I'll help him cope with what he hears as best I can and if you feel he's in danger of breaking down then ask me to fetch something ... anything... water, coffee, the nurse. And I'll make my exit and let you help him on your own as you said. Ok?"

Mike appreciated Lenny's words and acted on them knowing he was absolutely right.

"Ok. Let's get back. Thanks Lenny." and as Lenny patted Mike on the shoulder the two men hurriedly returned to Steve's room. As they entered Mike knew that Lenny had once more read it right as he could almost feel the anxiety emanating from the young man in the bed. Sitting back up slightly he watched their return and looked questioningly at both men trying to work out by their demeanor if there had been harsh words exchanged in their absence. To reassure him Mike smiled warmly and spoke calmly.

"Now don't look so worried! We didn't bite off each other's heads. See ... both intact!" he said gesturing to both their heads and hoping that the remark would at least raise a smile on Steve and lift the visible tension from his shoulders. But a half-hearted smile was his only reward and instead slightly agitated Steve asked Mike the question he had hoped that he wouldn't .

"Mike. What was that about? What did you have to talk to Lenny about?"


	17. Chapter 17

**Going Under **

Chapter 17

"Oh, you don't have to worry your head, about that" Mike started but seeing the hurt look cross over Steve's face he quickly realized that only the bitter truth would suffice. "Ok, ok. You win. I was asking him if ... if he felt you were up to hearing what was in that letter."

Steve appreciated Mike's truthful admission and addressed his second question more nervously to Lenny.

"And what did you tell him?"

Lenny smiled and answered professionally.

"I told him that it would be difficult for you to hear but that it was something you had to hear and deal with so you could put it behind you." Lenny also admitted truthfully.

"Well ... I guess you're right ... " and picking up the letter and holding it for a few seconds, he took a deep steadying breath and handed it to Mike. "Here Mike, will you open it and read it for me please?"

Mike studied his young partner carefully and admired his courage. He knew looking at Steve that while he was doing his best to look brave and calm on the outside, his heavy breathing and the slight tremble of his hand as he handed him the letter told the true story of Steve's unease. Taking the letter from Steve, Mike sat on the bed beside his partner and placed the letter on his lap. Then reaching into his inside jacket he spoke .

"Sure buddy boy. Just let me get my glasses."

Mike retrieved his glasses and put them on and then with one final concerned glance at Steve he very carefully broke the seal on the letter. As the seal broke he heard Steve take another large intake of breath. Lenny also heard it and moved closer towards the bed. Placing one hand on Mike's shoulder to momentarily stop him from taking out the letter he placed his other hand on Steve's arm and addressed him.

"Steve. You need to brace yourself to listen to this. Try to keep your breathing steady and slow. No matter what you hear concentrate on keeping your breathing even. It will help ok? And if you need to take a minute at any stage just touch Mike's arm and he'll stop reading and when you're ready to continue just tell him. If at any stage you want to stop the letter being read that's ok too. Hearing this letter is strictly for your benefit Steve, not ours so Mike will read it on your terms. So it's whatever you're comfortable with. Ok?"

With that Lenny smiled at Steve and patted his arm and as Steve nodded his gratitude for the advice, Lenny moved back away from the bed and stood a little distance away to give the two partners some space but remained close enough to offer help if he was needed. Mike opened the envelope and removed the folded letter and then glanced at Steve from over his glasses.

"You ready Steve?"

Steve had his eyes shut and appeared to be trying to regulate his breathing as Lenny had told him to but after only a matter of seconds he opened his eyes and answered Mike.

"Yeah ... go ahead!"

Mike unfolded the letter. The pages were slightly aged over time but Mike was thankful that it was written in a very clear, neat handwriting. So starting off Mike read.

"Dear Steve ... I have a deep sense of foreboding about today that something bad is going to happen and if you are reading this letter now, then my bad feelings were right and I have had to leave you. I want you to know that it saddens me to leave you as I know you have had more sadness in your life in your short fifteen years than most people see in a lifetime. However this time I may not have the choice to stay. As only God knows what plans he has for me. If the worst has happened then there are things I want to tell you. There was so much more I wanted to teach you but I can only hope that I have taught you enough so far, to help you to cope with this new tragedy and to help you carry on ... But I could not leave you without telling you some other things too..."

Seeing Steve struggling from over his glasses Mike paused from reading further for a few seconds and addressed his partner tentatively.

"Steve, do you need a minute?"

Steve was really struggling to keep his emotions under control. He lay back against the pillows with his eyes shut, trying desperately to control his breathing but failing miserably. Although his Grandfather's death had happened almost fifteen years before, the memories were so fresh in his mind that he almost felt as if he was still in the kitchen that day, cold and devastated and that he was hearing Harry's words, whispered over his shoulder as he sat in his Grandfather's chair wrapped in his Grandfather's blanket. Harry's words were hard to hear and Steve could feel them almost tugging at his heart causing it to beat faster and they seemed to be forcing his emotions to form a lump in his throat that he was desperately trying to swallow back down. Realizing that Mike had stopped reading and was talking to him he took another deep shaky breath and opened his eyes to look at Mike. Not quite sure how his voice was going to sound under the circumstances he cleared his throat and spoke as normally as he could.

"No ... I'm ok. Keep reading please Mike."

As the two partners looked at each other Mike could tell immediately that Steve was far from ok and Steve also knew that he wasn't fooling Mike for a second so he spoke even more earnestly.

"Please Mike ... just keep reading ok?"

Mike understood then what Steve was asking him. He needed to hear the words as quickly as possible as the more drawn out the letter reading was the more anguish the young man was suffering so Mike nodded his understanding and quickly returned to the letter much to Steve's relief and gratitude.

" ... After your Grandmother passed away, my life was empty and lonely. It felt like there was to be no more happiness in my life. But all that changed the day you came to stay with me ... You arrived so quiet and sad and it broke my heart to see you so broken and so afraid. But you trusted me and let me help you and before I knew it you had grown into the fine young man you are today. I have never told you how much happiness you have brought me over the last ten years. You gave my life a purpose again and for that alone this old man is eternally grateful to you. I am grateful for the companionship and the youthful enthusiasm you brought into my cold and lonely life. You kept me young and gave me a reason to get up every morning. When I meet the folks in town they are constantly praising you and tell me what a fine, helpful and mannerly young man you are and it fills my heart to bursting with pride ..."

Mike paused again and lowered the letter as a movement from the corner of his eye drew his attention. Steve had found the last paragraph more difficult than the first and had now brought his bruised hand up over his face. He was visibly struggling to slow down his breathing as his breaths were coming in fast succession and he could see Steve swallowing hard and was deeply concerned for his young partner. Knowing that Steve had asked him to keep reading, yet seeing Steve in distress tore Mike in two. Looking uncertainly towards Lenny he wasn't sure whether he should continue or not. But Lenny firmly gestured for him to continue quickly, all the while he could see Lenny studying Steve closely.

Knowing that Steve was being observed by Lenny eased his mind a little as he trusted Lenny to call a halt to this exercise if he felt Steve couldn't handle it anymore but truth be told reading this letter was having an adverse affect on Mike too. Seeing Steve so uncharacteristically upset by the words he was reading and hearing how loved and cherished he had been by this kind old man who Mike had never known was starting to wear on his emotions too. The other thing that struck Mike was that the sentiments that Harry was expressing to Steve in this last paragraph were almost exactly the same things he felt about his own partnership with Steve. Things he had never told Steve either but only hoped Steve already knew. As a result of this he felt the words more personally and as such he could feel tears threaten to appear and a lump was making its way into his throat too and for a split second he wondered if he would be able to continue reading the letter at all.

Lenny had sensed Mike's difficulty and panicked slightly himself. While he had been prepared for Steve's upset he hadn't counted on Mike finding it difficult too but he kicked himself for it at the same time. Sometimes it was as if Mike and Steve were two parts of the one person, the way they could read each other's thoughts perfectly, and it made their working partnership one of the most successful and strongest in the Department. He should have bargained for the fact that what affected one of them so deeply would without a doubt also affect the other. Deciding to help with the letter reading Lenny had moved away from the wall to assist when Mike realized his concern and gestured that he was ok. There were just two more paragraphs left to read and he knew for Steve's sake he had to get through it, so clearing his throat, he raised the letter again and read on.

" ... As such I have no worries or fears for your future. I know that whatever path you choose to follow in life you will make a difference to the lives of those around you just as you have done mine. I know your Aunt Rose will look after you for me as she has always promised me she would but you mustn't take personally anything your Uncle Henry says to you. He was always a strange sort and a bit mean-spirited. You must learn to rise above anything he says and not take it to heart. Life in Rose's will be very different to our peaceful life here and you must be strong and adjust as best you can just as you have had to do in the past ..."

The writing seemed to change at this point and became more scribbled and harder to read and at one point, the ink smudged. Mike wondered if poor Harry had been struggling to finish it and felt deeply sorry for the poor man whose life had ended so suddenly shortly after he had written it most probably. Because of that, the last paragraph he had left to read, took on a deeper meaning and Mike could only imagine how hard writing this letter had been for him. Lenny cleared his throat and made Mike realize that he had stopped reading and had been lost in his thoughts and it reminded him that he needed to finish it up quickly as Steve was looking more shaky by the minute.

Steve was still covering his face with his hand and his breath seemed to be almost catching in his throat. Mike could see his hand slightly tremble so without further ado he quickly squinted at the letter and read the last paragraph in a slightly shaky voice himself.

"... I have to finish this now my boy. Remember what I told you "Always keep looking up!" And know that when you look at the sky tonight there will be a third star there watching over you until we meet again some day. All my love, Harry."

Mike finished and brushed a tear unnoticed from his own eye. The room was silent except for Steve's laboured breathing and even Lenny looked touched by the words he had heard. However Mike could see that Steve was losing his battle to stay strong and that he was almost choking himself trying to keep himself from breaking down in front of the two men in the room with him. Taking action he quickly turned to Lenny and with a concerned look on his face he asked.

"Could you get me some coffee please Lenny. Black, one sugar."

Lenny understood immediately and nodded to Mike accordingly.

"Sure Mike. I'll get it from the coffee shop. It will take me a while."

And with that Lenny rose and hurried out of the room. As the door closed behind him Mike turned his attention back to Steve. Placing the letter down on the bed he moved closer to Steve and placed a supportive hand on his shoulder. Steve never flinched. He was too intent on trying to stop the floodgates from opening knowing that if he let them open, he would not be able to close them again easily.

Hearing his Grandfather's words had been so strange. He missed the late night chats that he used to have with his Grandfather. How over Harry's famous hot chocolate they used to set the world to rights. Hearing how proud he was of Steve and how Steve had made such a difference to the old man's life touched Steve deeply but what was upsetting him most was not being able to tell him how he felt in return. How Harry had made him feel unbroken again and how he had always believed in him and taken care of him and the one thing that was tipping him over the edge most of all was the fact that he never got to tell him how much he had meant to him and how grateful he was for everything Harry had done for him.

Mike hated seeing Steve so heartbroken and knew he had to get him to acknowledge his grief. Squeezing Steve's shoulder he spoke comfortingly.

"Steve. Listen to me now. Lenny's gone. It's just you and me. You need to stop holding it in. You need to let it go Steve. Let it out buddy boy. It's ok to grieve. Just let it out. Come on now."

Mike's words broke through Steve's final resolve and Steve's body shook in racking sobs of grief and despair. As he felt Steve finally let down his guard he grabbed the back of Steve's neck and pulled Steve's forehead against his shoulder and held him as Steve finally grieved for his Grandfather. Steve's tortured sobs tore at Mike's heartstrings and he felt tears of empathy form in his own eyes. He knew what it was like to lose special people you cared that much about and part of him thought about Helen and his own parents and close friends he had lost over the years. After what seemed like a long time but was probably only a matter of minutes Steve's sobs began to die down. His breath was still coming in gasps but he seemed to be managing to get a hold of his emotions again and Mike reckoned he had finally released all the upset that he had built up since the day he had found his Grandfather and had locked away inside him ever since.

Releasing Steve he held him by the shoulders and studied him closely to make sure he was ok. Steve finally removed his hand from his face and rubbed at his eyes, but didn't look at Mike, blushing slightly at the fact that he had broken down so ashamedly. Still not catching Mike's eye, in a shaky and almost broken voice he uttered.

"Oh man! ... I'm sorry Mike ... That was just so hard to listen to ... I miss him you know?"

He then sniffed involuntarily and was still visibly shaking from the distress of the whole ordeal. Rubbing Steve's shoulders Mike responded.

"I know. Believe me I know. And you don't have to be sorry for anything." Then having an idea, he thought of something to say to try to lighten the mood. "After all, those words would bring tears out of a stone!"

Wondering if Steve would even notice his play on words in his grief he was rewarded as the penny dropped and Steve looked up at Mike and seeing moisture glistening in the older man's eyes he smiled and nervously laughed as he said.

"Oh ... that was bad Mike ... really bad ...even for you"

Mike laughed then too.

"I know but at least it got a smile out of you! Huh?"

"Yeah ... I guess so. Thanks Mike. For everything. And for reading it for me. You know sometimes you remind me of him. Especially the overprotectiveness!"

"Hey. Hey. Watch it hotshot. " Mike said ruffling the young man's hair and seeing another smile on Steve's tear streaked face, he finally saw hope that Steve was finally coming back to himself after this whole ordeal.

Steve slumped back against the pillows. He suddenly felt drained and exhausted. The break down and the emotional and physical trauma of the last three days had finally taken its toll and he wanted nothing more than to sleep for a while and forget everything. Mike saw the strain and the exhaustion in the young man's face and the "overprotectiveness " that Steve had just mentioned kicked in again.

"It's about time you got some rest buddy boy. You look exhausted. Come on, scooch down now!"

But at those words Steve started to laugh. Taken aback by Steve's laughter but at the same time welcoming it, Mike feigned a hurt and confused expression.

"What's so funny buddy boy?"

Through his laughter Steve answered.

"Mike! Nobody says the word "scooch" anymore!"

"Well I do wiseguy. Now SCOOCH!" Mike ordered firmly but at the same time he was glad to see the amusement that simple phrase had brought to the young man who badly needed cheering up.

"Ok, ok I'm scooching!" Steve said still chuckling and he carefully and gingerly moved himself back down into a lying position in the bed taking care not to jostle his sore arm. When he was back lying down Mike pulled the covers up around him and asked tentatively.

"Are you ok now Steve?"

Steve smiled at Mike and nodded his head.

"I will be ..." and with that he covered his mouth as he stifled an enormous yawn.

"Get some sleep now. Ok?"

Steve nodded again but he didn't have to be told twice as his heavy eyelids closed and within mere minutes Steve had fallen into a deep healing sleep. Picking up the letter Mike carefully returned it to its envelope, put it back into the box and closing the lid he placed the box back inside the locker. Then satisfied that Steve would probably sleep for quite a while seeing how exhausted he was, he stood up and sat down in the chair beside Steve's bed and let his mind think back over everything that had happened in the last three days and all the new things he had found out about Steve's past. Things that seemed to explain a lot about some of his partner's dislikes and habits. Such as his dislike of the Morgue and his habit of never letting on when he was hurting or upset. He felt that if anything good had come out of this whole incident it was that Mike had grown to know more about what made his partner tick.

As he contemplated further, the door creaking brought him out of his thoughts and looking over he saw Lenny poke his head around the door carefully.

"Is it safe to come back in?"

Mike smiled.

"Yes, Lenny. He's asleep."

Lenny came in and approached Steve's bed.

"Here, I got you that coffee anyway. I thought you might need it! Are you sure he's really asleep this time?" Lenny said handing Mike the coffee cup and studying Steve to see was he just resting his eyes like he had been the last time.

"I'm sure. He was exhausted. Today took a lot out of him. Thanks for the coffee!"

" You're welcome. Was he ... ok after I left?"

Mike knew what Lenny was really asking.

"Yes. He let it go."

Mike's smile faded as he remembered how upset Steve had been. He had never seen his partner that way before and it unsettled him somehow. To think of all Steve had lived through as a child and how much hurt he had kept inside him for so long.

"I'm glad. To be honest, he was fighting against it so hard I wasn't sure if he was going to be able to and that worried me."

"Well, that's true. He found it hard to let it out but ... well ... it was almost like he needed my permission first. Anyway I think that's what finally wore him out but he seemed in better form before he drifted off. I just hope he can put this behind him now."

"He will. He's dealt with it Mike. Now comes the healing. You know there is one other thing that might bring him full closure on this Mike!"

"What's that?"

"A trip back to Modesto. Maybe visit his Grandfather's grave, visit the old house, revisit the past. It would help him."

"Oh I don't know Lenny. That would be very upsetting too. It might just drag everything back up again and open the wounds we've just managed to close. You really think that would help him?"

"Yes. I do Mike." Then seeing Mike lost in his thoughts he noticed the toll that today's letter reading had taken on him too. "That letter really was something wasn't it? For a moment back there I didn't think you were going to be able to finish reading it."

"Well Lenny, for a moment back there I didn't think so either. It was a tough one." Mike looked down at his lap remembering the poignant words he had just read.

"You know you look pretty tired yourself. Steve looks peaceful. He should sleep for a while now. Why don't you go home and get some rest Mike. He'll be ok now. I have to head back to the Office. The Captain wants an update."

Mike sat up straight again at the mention of the Captain.

"What are you going to tell him?"

"Don't worry Mike. I'm going to tell him that Steve passed his evaluation with flying colours! I'll recommend he takes four days off just to rest up and recover and I'll assign him fit for duty then. He's talked it out Mike. He's going to be just fine. "

The relief and gratitude were evident on Mike's face as he smiled warmly at his colleague.

"Thanks Lenny. You know I guess I've been a bit harsh on you at times the last few days. Well I guess what I'm trying to say is ... I'm sorry. And I'm glad you were here to oversee things. I don't think I could have helped him without you."

Lenny returned the smile, grateful that the older man appreciated his help.

"There's nothing to be sorry for Mike. You were just looking out for him. I'm glad that he has you in his corner. And I'm glad that I was able to help. I'll see you back at the office. Get some rest Mike ok? Psychiatrist's orders!"

"I'll rest right here Lenny don't worry. I want to be here when he wakes up. I'll see you later and thanks again."

And with a final smile Lenny exited the room. Mike looked at Steve again and noted gratefully how peaceful he was. His reddened and slightly swollen eyes and the stark bruising on his arm and hand the only visible signs of the hell he had just been through. Then he settled into the chair for the long wait as he took off the lid and savoured the warming cup of coffee.


	18. Chapter 18

**Going Under**

Chapter 18

**A/N: Apologies for the delay in updating this story. Real life has been challenging and the other story took me over for a while and temporarily distracted me. However I am anxious to get this story completed for those who are following it so here is the next instalment and there is just one short epilogue chapter left to write to complete it. Thank you again for all those who have read and reviewed this story and have patiently waited for the rest of the story to be posted. I really do appreciate my readership and those who show me such loyalty.**

The afternoon dragged on and Steve had slept peacefully. Mike had left briefly to grab a sandwich and to buy a paper to pass the time mainly to check the box scores but for the most part he had stayed and watched over Steve as he slept. Steve had only moved once as if to turn onto his right side but subconsciously his sore arm had stopped him and he had turned over on his left side instead. The nurse had come in twice to check his vitals and his sore arm and Dr. Armstrong had appeared briefly and had been pleased to see Steve getting some decent rest. Finally some six and a half hours later Steve started to stir.

Mike smiled as he watched the young man sleepily open his eyes and stretch and then catching sight of Mike sitting in the chair beside his bed he returned Mike's smile and spoke drowsily.

"Hey ..."

"Hey yourself " Mike replied smiling."How are you feeling buddy boy?"

Steve stretched again sleepily and rubbed at his eyes and stifled another yawn.

"Right now, I feel like I've been asleep for a month! Man! How long have I been out?"

Mike chuckled.

"Not quite that long! But you were pretty much out of it for ... oh around six and a half hours. You must have needed it though. How's the headache?"

"Yeah ... I think it's gone. My head feels muzzy but it normally feels like this for a while after a bad migraine."

Mike smiled again pleased that Steve's migraine had finally gone and left him in peace.

"My eyes are still sore though ... " Steve added, rubbing at his eyes and remembering his embarrassing breakdown from earlier." Guess I can't totally blame the migraine on that though. Huh?" Steve half-smiled at Mike but he didn't catch his eye fully as he felt ashamed of his breakdown and then he mumbled ashamedly and seemed lost in his thoughts." Sorry Mike ..."

Mike knew what Steve was referring to and was not going to allow Steve to feel ashamed of what had happened.

"Now buddy boy. I told you. You have nothing to be sorry for. That letter was very intense. You bottled up a lot of pain and grief and it needed releasing. That's all that happened earlier and I'm proud of you for letting it go. It takes great courage not weakness to release it like you did. Remember that! Ok?"

Mike reached out again and with a hand on Steve's cheek he turned Steve's face to make sure he was looking at him. Steve smiled at the older detective grateful for his wise words and nodded, not fully trusting his voice to speak.

After a few seconds of companionable silence Steve found his voice again.

"You know I kind of wish now that I'd found the courage to read that letter all those years ago. I think it would have helped."

Mike studied his young partner and tentatively answered. The last thing he wanted was to drag up the letter contents again and upset Steve but if Steve needed to talk more of it then he would just choose his words wisely.

"Well, buddy boy. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. You obviously never felt you could read it up until now. Do you think it would have helped where your Uncle Henry was concerned?"

Steve shot a pained look at Mike's amazing perceptiveness and Mike knew by the look that he had touched a raw nerve. But something about that paragraph worried Mike and he wondered what life had been like for Steve in his Aunt's house after his Grandfather's death. Steve had never spoken of it but Harry's take on it definitely didn't make it sound like a fun place to have to live. Steve seemed slightly flustered by Mike's question and Mike began to regret mentioning it but just as he was about to change the conversation Steve answered him.

"Yeah, I think it would have prepared me better. He was a hard man to deal with but I guess it was tough for him accepting me into the family. Another mouth to feed and all ... "

Steve trailed off and seemed to be remembering that time and Mike noticed no smile graced Steve's lips so he questioned him some more, carefully.

"Was he as bad as Harry said?"

Steve nodded sadly.

"Yeah ... I guess ... pretty much. It wasn't his fault. It was just his manner. I think he resented the fact that he was stuck looking after another kid aswell as his own three. I think he felt that maybe I was damaged goods having been passed around so much. But it wasn't all bad living there. Aunt Rose was very good to me and most of my cousins were nice."

"Most of them?" Mike asked not liking how that sounded.

Mike's reaction though finally drew a smile from the young man in the bed.

"Yeah ... I got on ok with two of them. Melissa was only six and Robbie was about ten when I went to stay with them and they were friendly. Then there was Mikey. He was the eldest at thirteen when I arrived. I think I knocked his nose a little out of joint seeing as I was fifteen but I think he took after Uncle Henry a little too!"

"Sounds like a fun place!" Mike said with a hint of sarcasm in his tone.

Again Steve chuckled.

"It was alright ... I only stayed there for a few years until I went to college. "

Mike decided that it was the right time to change the conversation.

"Steve? There was something else in the letter that I wondered about but if you'd rather not explain it then I understand, but Harry mentioned something about remembering to always look up! What was that about?"

Steve smiled broadly and warmly as he obviously knew exactly what it meant.

"It was just something we talked about once but it became our private pep talk I guess. Harry always said that no matter what life throws at you, you should always keep looking up. He used to say that there was nothing on the ground but dirt and regrets. Where as if you look up, you'll see the endless expanse of sky and the hope that it gives. You'll feel the warmth from the sun, see the light from the moon and the stars and if you were really lucky you might catch sight of a rainbow ..."

Steve trailed off lost in the memories of his Grandfather's wisdom and Mike was very moved by Harry's words.

"That was beautiful, Steve. Your Grandfather was a very wise man. I really wish I'd had a chance to have known him. I'd say he had many pearls of wisdom just like that one right?"

Steve smiled again at Mike and saw in his partner's eyes how genuinely he meant what he said.

"Yeah, he had a few alright. And you two would have got on like a house on fire!"

Both men chuckled briefly but then Steve's expression changed back to one of deep sadness and regret and looking at Mike forlornly he spoke somewhat emotionally.

"I really miss him ... you know?"

"I know you do, buddy boy." Mike answered and patted the young man's arm comfortingly.

But before they could say anymore the door to the room opened and the nurse popped her head in and spoke to Mike.

"Lieutenant, there's someone outside that wishes to speak to you."

Steve looked at Mike curiously and Mike returned the look.

"I better go see who it is, Steve. I'll be right back."

With that Mike left the room and Steve slumped back against the pillows and thought about the many conversations that he and Harry had enjoyed over the ten years he had stayed with him.

As Mike left Steve's room and closed the door behind him, he wasn't sure who he was going to see but he smiled broadly when he looked down the corridor to where the nurse was pointing and saw Susan and little Ruby Vaccaro standing at the nurse's station. Walking quickly down towards them the little girl let go of her mother's hand and ran to meet the older detective halfway. Reaching him she gave him a hug and smiled sweetly.

"Mike! "

Returning the hug Mike spoke kindly to the little girl.

"Well, look at you. You look terrific sweetheart. Are you getting to go home?" Mike asked noting that the little girl was dressed and he was also pleased to see that she still had a firm hold of the teddy bear that Steve had given her.

"Yep ... The Doctor said I'm all better and I get to take Harry home and show him around just like you said. " Then leaning in she whispered in his ear." He also gave me a lollipop! It was my favourite flavour too! Strawberry! But I'm going to keep it for when I get home."

Mike smiled at the little girl. "Ooh ...Strawberry huh? Hey, you know that's my favourite too! "

Ruby smiled again warmly and Mike looked over at Susan Vaccaro.

"You both got the all clear huh? That's great news! "

"Yes. Ruby has gotten so much better. All thanks to your partner. The Doctor told us that Steve took ill after he had seen Ruby. We wanted to see how he was before we left. Is he ok?"

"Oh yes, he's fine. Just a bad migraine. But he's feeling better now. Just a bit worn out from the whole ordeal but he's going to be just fine with a bit of rest!"

"I hope we weren't to blame for his relapse. He has done so much for us. Do you think we could see him or do you think seeing us would be bad for him again?"

"I think seeing you both so well would make his day! Just give me a minute to fix him up a little. He's not awake long! If you just wait outside I'll call you in when he's ready to see you. Is that ok?"

Susan Vaccaro smiled.

"Of course. Thank you."

Ruby tugged at Mike's sleeve and Mike bended down to her.

"Is Steve ok? Did talking to me remind him of the bad man who hurt us again? Is that what made him feel bad?"

Mike smiled at the little girl, moved by her concern.

"No sweetheart. Steve just wasn't quite ready to go home just yet! That's all. But he's going to be just fine and he'll be real happy to see you!"

"Do you think seeing Harry will cheer him up too or will the fact that he gave him to me just make him sad?"

"I think he'll be pleased to see Harry getting so well looked after and you know, maybe a hug from Harry would help him feel better too just like it did for you. What do you think?"

Ruby smiled her widest smile yet.

"I think that's a great idea!" and leaning in again she whispered "He is magic you know?"

Mike put a finger on the side of his nose and winked.

"Yes, I know. But that's our little secret right?"

Ruby winked back and nodded and as Susan Vaccarro came over and took her little girl by the hand again Mike stood up and spoke to them both.

"Wait here. And I'll be right back."

And with that he returned to Steve's room. As he entered he noted that Steve had his eyes closed and seemed to have drifted off again. Approaching the bed he gently shook the young man and Steve's eyes flew open in surprise.

"Sorry buddy boy. You can sleep more later. Right now we have to get you cleaned up. You're about to have some visitors!"

"Visitors?" Steve asked sleepily. "Who?"

"Well you'll find out if you just help me a little."

"Aw Mike. I'm not really up to visitors yet. Tell me it's not the guys from the precinct!" Steve groaned and covered his face with his pillow.

"Ok ... it's not the guys from the precinct. Now will you please sit up and let me make you presentable. Trust me. You'll like these visitors! Ok?" Mike said snatching the pillow from Steve's face and attempting to help his partner sit up.

But Steve wasn't in the mood for visitors and was not co-operating. He looked pleadingly at Mike.

"Who is it Mike? It's not the Captain is it?" Steve said now getting slightly worried and agitated.

Mike was losing patience with the young man in the bed's persistence but he didn't want him worrying either.

"No ... it's not the Captain. Now will you please help me to get you sitting up!"

"Why all the secrecy?" Steve said in a frustrated voice.

Finally getting annoyed by Steve's lack of assistance Mike shot his young partner the famous Stone glare. Seeing that look and knowing that he had pushed his luck as far as he should Steve laughed.

"Ok ... ok, that's a good reason ...that's a very good reason!" and with Mike's help he sat up further in the bed.

Mike fetched a washcloth from Steve's toilet bag and wetting it with warm water from the sink he handed it to Steve along with a towel to allow Steve to clean his face and wake himself up a little. Then he fetched Steve's comb and handing it to Steve he watched as one handedly the young man managed to tame his "hospital bed hair" into some semblance of normality. Having completed the exercise he handed the items back to Mike and asked the older man.

"Well ... will I suffice for your mysterious visitors?" Steve teased although he was inwardly a little anxious about who they were.

Mike studied him for a few seconds and smiled.

"You'll do ... but maybe, put your sore arm under the covers..huh?"

Steve glanced down at his right arm which was by now covered in a bruise of every colour. Thoughtfully he did as he was asked but couldn't help adding.

"Aha! Someone squeamish?"

Mike was pleased to see that Steve's detective brain was now fully operational again so he laughed.

"Now you're thinking buddy boy! Are you ready? Can I show them in?"

Steve again felt slightly ill at ease but he trusted Mike implicitly and he knew he would have to trust that if Mike believed he would like these visitors then he probably would so he nodded his head somewhat nervously as he watched Mike walk to the door and call the people outside in. As Mike held the door open and watched for Steve's reaction, Steve craned his neck to try to catch the first sight of them as they entered. Steve's jaw dropped momentarily as he saw who came in but the look of surprise quickly changed to one of delight as the little girl came running into the room full of life and smiled the widest smile at Steve that he had ever seen. That one smile seemed to dispel any hint of gloom that had seemed to linger in the room since the reading of Harry's letter and Mike knew immediately that seeing the little girl whose life he had saved, back smiling again and returning to the life she knew before all this unpleasantness had happened was the very best medicine Steve could ever receive.

Handing her newly acquired teddy bear to her mother and with youthful enthusiasm and excitement Ruby bounded up on the bed to give Steve a hug when she inadvertently knelt on the sore arm that Steve had dutifully hidden beneath the blanket as he had been told to. His arm erupted in pain and while he tried to ignore the searing pain, stars appeared before his eyes and he sucked in his breath unable to hide his discomfort from the little girl whose smile had changed to a frown as she wondered what had caused Steve's expression to change so quickly.

Seeing what had happened Mike raced forward and scooped Ruby back off the bed gently and came to Steve's rescue seeing that he was having difficulty getting a handle on the pain. He put a hand on Steve's shoulder and taking his sore arm out from under the covers he checked to make sure no further damage had been done to it. It was throbbing slightly but Mike reckoned an ice pack would fix it ok.

"Are you ok, buddy boy?"

Steve nodded as the pain abated.

Susan grabbed Ruby's shoulders and pulled her slightly back from the bed, afraid that Ruby had dislodged an IV or had caused some harm to the young man in the bed. Worriedly she looked at Mike to try to figure out what had happened. Seeing Steve's arm that was every colour of the rainbow she gasped and winced in sympathy and then in horror she realized that Ruby must have knelt on it!

"Oh Steve! I am so sorry! I shouldn't have let Ruby jump up on the bed!" Susan exclaimed guilt-ridden.

Mike quickly turned and intervened.

"Now, now it's alright. It's my fault. I asked Steve to hide his arm under the covers in case Ruby was scared by it so it's technically my fault but there's no harm done. I'll just get an ice pack off the nurse and be right back."

Susan stepped forward placing the bear on the end of the bed as she did.

"Let me get it. It is the least I can do" she said leaving the room on her errand.

Ruby looked sad at causing Steve to be hurt but Mike gently took her by the shoulders and smiled at the little girl.

"Hey now! Where did that pretty smile go huh? Steve is alright. You didn't know he had a sore arm, now did you? Let's go around the other side where he isn't hurting ok? "

Mike's warm smile broke through Ruby's sadness and she smiled again and nodded at the older man.

Taking her hand, he led her around the other side of the bed and by now Steve had recovered enough to be able to smile at Ruby again.

"I'm sorry ... Steve ... I didn't mean to hurt you. I wanted to cheer you up ... " Ruby said sadly.

"Hey, it's ok. I know you didn't sweetheart. Besides it's all his fault! " Steve said teasingly pointing at Mike.

This made Ruby chuckle as she saw Mike feign a hurt expression. Then Susan arrived back into the room carrying an ice pack and came over and placed it carefully on Steve's arm. Steve flinched involuntarily at the cold but then he nodded his thanks to her. Ruby leaned in closer.

"Is it very sore?"

"No ... it's not too bad. As a matter of fact it looks worse than it is."

"What happened to your arm?" Ruby asked curiously.

Not quite knowing how to explain it to the young girl he looked at Mike for help and without hesitation Mike intervened. Leaning closer he whispered into Ruby's ear.

"Needles! He hates them. Truth be told he's scared to death of them."

Ruby frowned and nodded her understanding and from the bed Steve overheard what Mike had said.

"Hey, hey. Do you mind? I have a superhero reputation to uphold here." Steve joked.

Ruby giggled at the funniness of the two men in the room and turning to Steve she sympathetically whispered.

"Don't worry ... Your secret's safe with me. Besides every superhero has a weakness. And anyway I hate those too! Is that what happened to your hand aswell?" Ruby stated just noticing the bruise on the back of Steve's left hand also.

"Yeah." Steve answered smiling.

As if she just thought of something Ruby spoke animatedly.

"Oh I almost forgot I brought someone else to visit you!" and with that she retrieved the teddy bear from the end of the bed and brought it up to Steve and handed it to him.

Steve's emotions caught in his throat as he laid eyes on the bear again especially after the emotional reading of the letter but none the less he took the bear from her."

The first thing he noticed was that the bear's ear had been lovingly stitched and he smiled and cleared his throat enough to speak.

"Well, he certainly looks happy now that his ear is fixed .. huh?"

Ruby broadly smiled again.

"Yep ... my Nanna mended him and she's making him some new clothes for me too. I can't wait to show him my room at home!"

"That's great Ruby ... it really is. Harry's going to be really happy with you."

"Hey, wait a minute!" Ruby suddenly exclaimed excitedly and all those in the room listened to hear what she had to say.

"Harry takes away people's fears and sadness. Why don't you hug him and maybe he can take away your fears too Steve?" and dropping her voice to a whisper she added." You know, your fear of needles!"

Steve's heart began to race. Holding the bear was proving difficult enough for him as it was awakening all sorts of long forgotten memories newly awakened by his Grandfather's latest words but he didn't want to spoil the magic for Ruby so he tried to make an excuse.

"Oh, I think that would be asking a bit much of Harry don't you honey?"

Before Ruby had a chance to reply Mike interrupted.

"Actually Ruby I think you have something there. Go ahead Steve. I think that's a good idea."

Steve stared at Mike taken aback by his words and trying to figure out his reason for saying them. Mike reckoned that it would actually help Steve to do what Ruby was asking him to, even though he could see that Steve was not as sure. Mike met Steve's stare and nodded at him and in that moment Steve knew what Mike had in mind. He understood that hugging the bear one last time was a symbolic gesture that would symbolize hugging his Grandfather one last time and clear some of his demons.

Looking from Mike to Ruby's face he took the bear in his left hand and spoke a bit more shakily than he intended.

"Ok ... I guess I could give it a try ..."

Steve hugged the bear one handedly but Ruby quickly shouted.

"Don't forget you have to close your eyes and think of what scares you and then hug him really tight for him to work."

Steve smiled at how Ruby had remembered exactly what he had told her and then glancing at Mike once more almost attempting to draw strength from him he shut his eyes and squeezed the bear tight. Silence filled the room and Steve stayed like that for a minute or so. Mike could see his bottom lip trembling and knew he was struggling with the sentiment behind the hug. But Steve battled the emotion back down for Ruby's sake and he opened his eyes and forced the widest smile he could muster.

"Well what do you know? Harry's magic still works. I think I'm cured! "

Ruby's face lit up and she accepted the bear back from Steve and hugged him.

"See! Told ya!" she beamed.

Mike and Steve's eyes met once more and Mike conveyed in one look how proud he was of him for what he had just done and as Ruby continued to chatter on about all the things she had planned for Harry, Mike stepped in and squeezed Steve's arm supportively, unnoticed by the other two people in the room.


	19. Chapter 19

**Going Under**

Chapter 19 : The Epilogue

Susan and Ruby Vaccaro spent the next hour in with Steve and Mike. They chatted about all sorts of things but no further mention was made of the ordeal they had gone through or Steve's Grandfather. So a very pleasant time was had by all four of them. Mike showed off his clown routine which included his excellent juggling skills for Ruby using rolled up pieces from his newspaper, which was greeted with squeals of delight from the little girl and hearty laughs from Steve and Susan. As the hour came to an end, Steve began to feel tired again and couldn't stop himself yawning. But it had felt good to laugh again and Mike had entertained them so well that Steve's side was almost sore from all the laughter. Susan saw how tired Steve looked and she then checked her watch.

"Ruby, I'm afraid we have to go now sweetheart. We need to let Steve rest and your Nanna and your Grandpa will be here to collect us shortly."

Ruby's wide smile turned to a frown again.

"Aw Mamma ... Do we have to? ... Uncle Mike is so much fun and he still has to show us his card tricks."

Mike smiled at the little girl. He had enjoyed entertaining her too. It reminded him of how he had played with Jeannie when she had been Ruby's age and he had entertained many a birthday party at De Haro Street with those very same tricks. He had also enjoyed making Steve laugh again. It had been good to see Steve in such high spirits after the emotional and intense upset of the last couple of days. But he had seen Steve yawning too and knew Susan was right. It was coming up to ten past eight in the evening so it was past the little girl's bedtime too. And they both needed the rest.

"Now, it's ok Ruby. You know your mother is right. It's almost past your bedtime. And Steve gets awful grumpy if he gets too tired too!"

"I do not!" Steve protested.

"See what I mean? " Mike teased winking at Ruby.

It was Steve's turn to play along so he scowled sulkily and Ruby laughed.

Reaching over to Steve, this time being extra careful to avoid his sore arm, she spoke.

"It's ok. I don't like bedtime either. But my Mamma says if I want to grow up big and strong I have to get my rest " then lowering her voice to a whisper she added. "Besides you just have to pretend you're asleep until they leave the room. Ok?"

Steve had to hold back a chuckle at the ingenuity of the little girl but instead he put a serious look on his face and answered.

"Thanks for the tip!"

"You're welcome!" Ruby beamed.

Mike and Susan exchanged a smile too as they overheard Ruby and Steve's conversation.

As Ruby picked up the teddy bear and took her mother's hand, Susan spoke warmly to the two men in the room.

"I can never thank you both enough for all you have done for us. My husband is being allowed a two-week furlough on account of what happened. He is coming home next Thursday. He hasn't been home in five months. I know he will want to thank you too. Perhaps you would both come to dinner with us when he comes home?"

Before either man had a chance to answer Ruby interrupted.

"Please ... please! You have to meet my Daddy. And you still have to show me those card tricks Mike ..." the little girl pleaded using her best puppy dog impression.

Steve looked at Ruby and then at Mike and smiled at the little girl's tactics then turning to Susan he answered.

"Well, how could we refuse such a kind invitation. Thank you. We'd love to."

Susan smiled.

"That's wonderful. How will I contact you to find out what day suits?"

"Just ring Bryant Street, homicide division and ask for Lieutenant Stone or Inspector Keller." Mike answered.

"I will. Thank you again. Come along Ruby. Say your goodbyes. Nanna and Grandpa will be waiting."

Ruby hugged both men and making sure that she didn't forget Harry, Susan and Ruby smiled and waved goodbye as they exited the room.

As the door closed behind them, Steve yawned again and sunk back into the pillows.

"Tired?" Mike asked observing how drawn and pale his partner looked.

"Yeah ... I don't know why seeing as I slept all afternoon though." Steve answered rubbing at his eyes to try to clear the tiredness from them.

"I don't think you realize how much the last couple of days took out of you. You've fairly well been to hell and back. It will take a few more days rest to see you back to your lively self."

"Yeah. I guess you're right ..." then Steve smiled again and added " Ruby's a great kid isn't she?"

"She sure is." Mike said smiling too.

"You haven't lost your touch either Michael. Your clown act really had her on the edge of her seat. She loved it."

Mike laughed. "She sure seemed to, didn't she? You know truthfully I kind of got a kick out of it myself. And it was nice to see you laughing again too. You haven't done a lot of laughing the last few days."

Steve looked thoughtful. "Yeah. I guess you're right about that too. Hey you know I never asked you how you got on with Tommy Jefferson. What happened?"

"Oh let's just say I think he's learned his lesson. I reckon he'll follow the rules from now on."

"Mike ... you didn't mark his record did you?" Steve said getting serious again.

"Relax ... no I didn't. I gave him a talking to and then I offered him an alternative to two weeks suspension and he chose my alternative that's all."

"Your alternative? What did you offer him?"

"Well now hotshot. Seeing as your detective skills seem to be returning why don't you try to guess!"

Steve smiled from ear to ear and accepted the challenge.

"Ok ... let's see. An alternative to two weeks suspension would be fairly serious. Did you put him back walking the beat for a certain time period?"

"No."

"Ok ... Then if it wasn't that I reckon, knowing you, you would have made him do some community service. The homeless shelter maybe?"

Mike smiled at Steve's answer.

"Close enough buddy boy ... the soup kitchen, helping Art for six weeks. Also he's got to help me out with the basketball two nights a week for six weeks, a six-week firearm safety course and Bill's going to take him under his wing and fill him in on how to cope with following in his father's footsteps ... the right way!"

"Whoa! That's a hell of a lesson learner alright!"

"You think I was too harsh?"

"No, no, on the contrary I think compared to two weeks suspension you let him off light. But I reckon it should have the desired effect. No, actually I'm proud of you. I think you handled it very well."

"Well I'm glad I have your approval." Mike said somewhat sarcastically but Steve knew he was only teasing. However he did add."I just hope he realizes how glad he should be that I didn't set Lenny on him!"

Steve chuckled and then spoke.

"Hey, speaking of Lenny. Whatever happened to him?"

"Oh, he left after you fell asleep earlier. He had to go meet with the Captain."

Steve's expression changed and his face fell. He remembered the evaluation and how it had been stopped by Dr. Armstrong and then the way he had broken down earlier and his heart sank. Mike noticed the change and began to worry.

"What's the matter buddy boy? Why the sudden long face?"

"I forgot about the evaluation! Oh man! Mike, I blew it! After my performance earlier the Department will chain me to a desk for the rest of my career! You better start looking for a new partner!"

Mike smiled at Steve's melodramatic answer.

"Oh you think so huh?"

"Yeah, I do! You were here Mike. What do you think Lenny is going to tell Olsen huh?"

"Actually, he's going to tell Rudy that you passed your evaluation with flying colours and he's going to recommend you get four days off to clear your head and rest up and then he's going to declare you fit for duty next Wednesday morning." Mike stated matter of factly.

"Oh you think so?" Steve said disbelievingly.

"No, wise guy. I don't think so. I KNOW so! He told me."

"What? But how?..."

"Come on Steve. You know Lenny's philosophy. You talked it out. You dealt with it. He's satisfied that you're going to be ok. So stop worrying about a desk job and concentrate on getting your strength back. Ok?"

Steve nodded, relieved that at least he didn't have to worry about Lenny's evaluation anymore.

"Wow! I wasn't expecting that. But yeah that's a relief. I guess Lenny's alright, you know?"

"Yes ... I guess he is. So what are you going to do with your four days off? Seeing as you're a lot better this evening chances are the Doc will let you home tomorrow." Then eyeing up Steve cautiously he continued. "You know I was thinking ... "

"Oh-oh. Here it comes. When you start thinking it normally means I need to start worrying."

Mike swatted playfully at Steve but was pleased that at least he was in better spirits.

"Very funny wise guy! No I was just thinking that ... well I have a lot of leave left so what would you say to you and me heading off for the weekend somewhere? You know, kind of like a road trip for some R&R."

Mike watched Steve's reaction carefully not sure how he would take to that suggestion. Steve hadn't expected that suggestion and wondered what had instigated it. Becoming slightly suspicious he watched Mike closely and answered.

"What? Just you and me? Where did you have in mind?"

"Well ... I was thinking ..." then not catching Steve's eye he finished his sentence nervously "that maybe ... Modesto would be nice this time of year!"

Mike cast a sideways glance at Steve to judge his reaction and saw Steve's jaw drop.

"Modesto? Oh Mike! I don't know." Then getting back into detective mode he suddenly realized what had caused this sudden desire to accompany him back to his hometown. "Wait a minute! This was Lenny's idea wasn't it? He thinks I should go back there and deal with what happened. Doesn't he? Come on, I'm right aren't I?"

Mike flustered a little at being found out so easily but decided the truth was the best option.

"Ok, ok hotshot. You're right. Lenny thought it might help if you went back there and maybe visited Harry's grave, see the old place, that sort of thing. He reckoned you could start to put in behind you then. Well, it's not a bad idea Steve. Come on. What could it hurt huh? You could show me around and we could make a fun weekend of it. What do you say?"

"I don't know Mike. I just don't know. I mean I don't think I want to go back there to be honest. Besides I don't even know if Harry's place is still there. Aunt Rose sold it I think after he died."

"Well you don't know it's not there either! Come on now. Listen. What did you and Harry do at the weekends when you lived there huh?"

"He had a vegetable garden. We used to work on that. Sometimes he took me fishing. There were lots of streams around where we lived but I was never any good at that. I don't think I ever caught anything in all the times we went. Harry used to say I wasn't cut out to be a fisherman ... "

"Well now you didn't have Mike Stone to teach you back then. I'll bring my rods and my fishing gear. By the time we get back you'll be the best fisherman in Modesto! What do you say huh? I've always promised you I'd take you fishing with me someday. It would kill two birds with one stone if you'll forgive the expression."

Seeing Steve smiling and shaking his head and realizing that he still wasn't convinced he added.

"Come on where's your adventurous spirit? It will be fun. Don't make me use the glare now! Come on say yes. Please."

Steve laughed at Mike's persistence and while he wasn't really looking forward to the memories and the heartache that a trip back to Modesto would awaken he knew Mike wasn't going to give up trying to convince him and thinking about it a weekend of fresh air and nice scenery with Mike for company wouldn't be all bad so smiling at Mike he finally gave in.

"Ok, ok you win! But I warn you, I really am lousy at fishing!"

Mike's face lit up as he heard Steve agree and immediately started planning their trip.

"Great! You won't be sorry! We'll have a swell time. Now you better get some sleep so that they'll let you home tomorrow. I have to get home and dig out the fishing gear and I'll book us somewhere to stay. Then I have to pack an overnight bag. We'll need bait and I need to ring Jeannie and tell her I'll be away this weekend in case she rings. I have a lot to do buddy boy. I better get home and get started. You get some rest. Ok? And I'll be back in the morning to see about getting you out of here."

"Mike! Calm down will you. We have plenty of time to get ready and anyway I'll pay my way. I have bread you know?"

"Oh don't worry about that. It's my treat." then getting a mischievous look in his eye he added playfully. "Besides you need to save your bread because you owe Lee a new watch. I'll see you in the morning buddy boy!"

With that parting remark Mike picked up his hat and trench coat and made his way towards the door.

"A new watch? What are you talking about? Wait a minute Mike! Why do I owe Lee a new watch? MIKE?"

Mike stopped at the door and turned around laughing. Between the giggles he said.

"Don't worry. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow morning! Sleep well now buddy boy! I'll see you!" and with that Mike left still chuckling to himself and looking forward to the coming weekend.

As Mike left, Steve settled back down in the bed and thought about why he had to buy Lee a new watch and having decided not to worry about it for the time being, he felt the fatigue start to kick in and his eyelids grew heavy. As he slowly drifted off to sleep he started to wonder what he had let himself in for agreeing to this weekend in Modesto with Mike. On the one hand it would be kind of nice to see the old places again as he hadn't been back there for a very long time and while he wasn't looking forward to reliving some of the bad memories, strangely he knew with Mike there with him he would come through it ok. So with that comforting thought he let himself drift into another peaceful healing sleep, knowing that he would not be facing his demons alone.

**The End**

**A/N : I hope you have all enjoyed this story and I am almost sorry to see it end. I had thought about doing a sequel to this story called Going Home which would follow Mike and Steve's adventures in Modesto but I couldn't really tell by the feedback on this story if it appealed enough to you the readers for you to be interested in a sequel so for the moment I will keep it in mind for the future. Thank you to those of you who did review and spoke kind words about it and to all those who took the time to follow it and read it. You have my eternal gratitude.**


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